told my parents

I told my parents that I like girls too. The opposite of how I thought my parents would react happened: my dad was so, so kind and loving and my mother pulled one of those "it's probably a phase you'll grow out of when you lose enough weight" things. I thought I'd feel better after telling them but I don't, I feel vulnerable and upset that my mom is being a little ridiculous.

Hey give your Mom a liitle time. I came out to parents at 28. My mom was clueless, even though she had baby sitted a guy I was seeing kids. I stayed almost every week end at his house. It took her a while to get it.....my dad who is a devote Catholic...the going to church every Sunday Lectoring was totally cool with it.....He told me he had known since I was 11yo (thanks for clueing me in DAD). My mother loves Russ like one of her own. She is wonderful and has become totally accepting. I am not suprised she said it is a phase. Think of it this way....if you fall in love with a guy...it was a phase....if you fell in love with a woman....it is a very very very long phase. I think your mother is not ready to deal.When I talked to my mother a couple of years later she told me she felt guilty and that she must have done something wrong that made me gay......she told me that was a very short time....and "Gay" friends of my parents and brothers and sisters of some of there friends came out of the woodwork. (my mother was suprised how clueless she was....I helped her with some rudimentry GAYDAR..)...I am sorry it did not work out the way you hoped it would....but there respose sounds on the more hopeful side of how they could of reacted.....Sean

My mom kept telling me to be 'open-minded.' I finally had to tell her, "Look, mum, bisexuality is the definition of open-minded." She'll be fine, I know she will. As far as I know I am the only person in my whole family that's not completely straight. Thanks for your response!

Hello Young Lady... I was thinking about your post all last night.... Isn't one of the phases of greif, denial.... Let me see if I can put this out there correctly... It seems that women, when they give birth, project the life that their child will have, and it is a wonderful life, and generally very traditional with 2.1 childeren and a dog, and a fantastic husband...and they envision, the weddings, and birthday of the grandbabies... Now Please don;t get me wrong, you, and I, and we all have a right to live our lives freely and happily, bu we would be some cruel selfish people to not understand that we have interupted her dream.... So I think the text book interpretation is, she is greiving, the future that she had invisioned...so she is in denial.... so give her some time...and she will see, that her daughers has not changes, that when all is said and done, that all she wants is for you to be happy, and you are gonna be happy, it's just not goning to be wrapped in the package that you mom thought it would be... hope I didn't ramble too much... Russ PS...I could help but noticem that your coming out kinda coinsided with the outing of Dumbledore...did you get some HP strength to do this??? R

You're right; she told me afterward that she remembers back when I was 15 that I had tried to tell her. She thought she could avoid it. She said she just wants me to be happy, and I know that's true. I love my mom. and lol no, this forum's chat on Sunday night actually helped me grow a pair (not literally!!!)

Ok...this is the first time I've ever posted on here, but Russ' response made me want to. Russ, you really have a way with words. I am 39 and have only been officially out to my family for 3 1/2 years, and even though they took it well, I never really considered their feelings...only mine. Looking back, I was pretty arrogant about demanding their acceptance. Your words made me look at their feelings with a whole new perspective and I think I may just "check in" with them, so to speak, to see how they are doing with things. Great post! P.S. Good luck to you, Potter. I'm sure everything will work out and be just fine with your family. Jim

I agree. It was a very good post, and it really made me think. Thank you to both of you for your responses.

Ok, I have a gay son. He came out to me when he was in his teens. (I was married, a fundamentalist Christian and "straight") My first reaction was that we would both be better off if I first shot him and then shot myself. I then began to research and learn and joined PFLAG and came to understand and be happy for him. That eventually led to me being open enough to accept that part of me and I have now been in the most wonderful relationship I've ever known for the past 10 years. When I came out to my son, HE had more problems with it than my straight daughter. LOL Russ said it very well. It's all about expectations and figuring out how to change those expectations. Surprisingly, my 80 y/o mother embraced Sharon and loved her like a daughter. Give her time. She obviously loves you and that's the most important.

My parents also reacted in the opposite fashion from what I expected. My dad, who has always been the more conservative of the two, was willing to accept me - he said, "I don't like it, I don't understand it, but it's your life, and as long as you're not putting your health at risk, I have to accept it." Mom, who has always been more liberal, flipped and wanted to throw me out. Dad wouldn't let her, and my grandmother, may she rest in peace, told her, "He is your only son. He is no different today than he was yesterday. And if he is not welcome in your house, you are no longer welcome in mine." (Go, Grandma!) That was 15 years ago now, and they're fine with it. I've had boyfriends home for holidays, I talk to my folks about dates (good and bad) without qualms. Think about how long it took you to come to terms with your feelings. You didn't wake up one day and decide "I'm going to be bi today." You had the opportunity to deal with a gradual realization; you've sprung this on her rather suddenly. You have to allow her some time to come to grips with it - at least as long as it took you! She'll come around if she loves you.

Go grandma indeed! Yeah, she has calmed down since. She's probably pushed it to the back of her mind. That's fine.