FMLA and 2nd class citizenry

Hello, family... Can I vent to you about this? My partner is taking time off of work to be with me during surgery but of course we don't qualify for FMLA because we're treated as 2nd class citizens in this country (except in Mass.). I know some HR will include domestic partners in FMLA -- have any of you had success with this? My surgeon's office which is otherwise great has been rather dumb about all of this. I asked for the legal docs to sign so that my partner could have information and decision making rights for me and they were like -- don't worry, we know who she is, it won't be a problem. Well, if there is a problem it would be a problem, legally. So, I'm going to fill out a living will with the hospital which will cover us. I just find it unacceptable that the medical staff I was dealing with did not realize the implications. The first woman asked, "oh, is that a problem in Colorado?" yeah, it's a problem.

Lj, It is an excelled idea to have the Living Will and also a Health Care Power of Attorney if that is not included in your LW. I need to have new ones done cuz I can't find the ones we did before. How long is your partner taking off? I think a lot of it depends on your employer. We live in Ohio and I have been able to take time off when my partner has had surgery. I hope things work out for you. Any legal docs you can draw up are a help. Barbara

Lj, My partner Elaine and I had the same problem. I was inbetween jobs, so I had no problem with time off...but her job would not recoginze her need to be with me and I was going to Brazil to have the surgery. I absolutely needed her to be there with me. So we went to our family Dr and she wrote up a paper that excused Elaine from work for 6 weeks due to emotional stress, so she was covered with FMLA for herself. Ofcourse her job knew, but legally there was little they could do. As long as she had the paperwork from her Dr she was good to go. Her Dr even stated that she would need to return to her for release back to work. That way if we had any trouble in Brazil she was covered. It is unfortunate that we have to work around the system but in truth she was emotionally stressed over the hard time she was getting from her job and the fear that I would be in Brazil, having surgery, and no one there to support me. Lori

I am sooo glad I live in mass. When we looking to buy a house I refused to leave mass. We could have bought a nicer house right over the line into n.H. But instead we bought a house needing work in n.H......If you work for a large company look into the criteria for fmla.....I know before mass "woke up" my husband's company actually got a rider from the medical insurance to cover me as a domestic partner...So you never know.....Sean

Sean, The company that she works for offers insurance to same sex partners and live in partners of the opposite sex as long as they can prove that they have been living together for over a year. When she asked for FMLA, they said that the company had elected not to offer that to unmarried couples...while they acted sympathetic, they also would not allow her the time off, even unpaid, or by using her vacation time. She was seriously thinking about quitting. She works at hospital and saw our Dr there, she told her and they set it up right there. Elaine made an appointment and she got all the paper work that she needed to get the time off under FMLA. It is sad, that we have to go to such extremes to get what seems so simple. Lori

Thanks, y'all. Sean, I actually lived in Boston and have kept my Mass driver's license and license plates so I can journey home and get married should the opportunity arise MY employer covers domestic partners, but HERS (the U.S. Senate) does not. *******s.

You know, this is exactly what people don't understand about our need to have same sex marriage legal in this country. I'm lucky in that my company is very "friendly". When my partners dad died, I was treated as it was my FIL. When I was in the hospital following a heart attack and was in CCU, the staff knew who she was and we had no problem. But not everyone is that lucky. We will get state rights when we have our civil union, but on a federal level it means nothing. Rachelle

Most hospitals will introduce the living will to you; however, perform a search on your state's website for living wills and go from there. Don't wait for your physician to present the information because he/she may or may not do so. Yeah, it's a problem in almost all states. Maryland is still awaiting a decision -- and we wait.

My partner and I had wills, living wills and healthcare powers of attorney drawn up by lawyers to protect us. It's worse in Tn that almost anywhere else--just last year the voters passed an amendment to the state's constitution prohibiting gay marriage and it got over 80% of the vote!