Fight with Mom

I had a big fight with my mother tonight about the surgery. She's worried; she's still convinced it's dangerous surgery (any surgery is, but this procedure done laparoscopically is about as safe as surgery ever gets), and, of course, she's fixated (like any Jewish mother) on what I can and can't eat afterwards. She's worried about how I'll handle the holidays, and other family food-oriented events. My sister, of course, garbled everything I told her when she called about it on Sunday, so Mom was all upset. I explained (again) that the initial pouch will be about 2 ounces (the size of an egg), but over a year or so, it will stretch to about 8-10 ounces. If you think about what Weigh****chers says is a normal meal (3-4 ounces of protein, 1/2 c of vegetables), that's just about 8 ounces. I can't have sweets, very-high-carb foods or fatty foods because they'll cause dumping, which, I'm told, is seriously no fun (the best description I've heard is that it feels like seasickness - nausea, sweating, chills - and lasts 5-60 minutes). (I know YOU all know this; I just want someone to reassure me that my reasoning and arguments are sound.) I think I convinced her that I'm willing to sacrifice some foods, and the ability to gorge myself, for the sake of a new, healthier, more attractive me. I don't want to die of complications of obesity at 65 after spending the next 30 years single. I'd rather take this risk...

Yep, be reassured Randy. I've never dumped - probably because I've never eaten sugar or high-fat foods since surgery - I watch closely for hidden sugars also. I guess the thought of it is enough to keep me away from them and I don't miss them. There will be a lot of limitations at first but it's not long before you will have a range of options. I'm just about 5 months out and I can eat 3 ounces of most fish, moist chicken/turkey, ground turkey, etc. and 1/2 c. of veggies at this point - and that is enough to make me feel full and satisfied - not stuffed - but full and satisfied. As far as the family "food" functions - I've settled on a strategy of offering to bring something and then I'm sure there will be something I will be able to eat. When that wasn't appropriate I have usually been able to find a few choices - even if it was just some cheese and veggies.

I know exactly what you are going through. I have numerous family members that are against the surgery. I've gotten arguments from people saying "but you've lost it before, can't you just do it again?" (I'm a classic yo-yo dieter all my life), "I know someone who had surgery and...got sick, died, didn't lose all the weight, gained weight, grew a third nipple, or whatever." As far as the food you can and can not eat and the quantity of food, family is going to have a problem no matter what you do. If you do Atkins, they'll wonder how you will ever get through Thanksgiving without eating stuffing, if you give up suger they'll be upset that you are not having Aunt Mary's famous cheesecake at the next family function. See what I mean? Our families have issues with us eating since we became vegetarians...the surgery will just be one more thing for them to stress over. It will make us different from them, and that's uncomfortable for them. Don't let anyone upset you or try to get you to change your mind. You've done your research, you know what's best for you. Sorry to be so long winded....I'll shut up now. Rachelle

Don't worry about rambling on... your thoughts are precisely on point.

My mother did the exact same thing when she came to visit last month....I basically told her the same things you told your mom and I followed it by noting that I was doing this with or without her and she could choose to be a part of the process with me or not as she saw fit but that I did not need her approval. She hasnt said much on it since then except to post on one of my other blogs that she supported me...so I guess it worked? Anyhow....Rache is right, our families are likely to take issue with almost any major changes that we make because it is something they dont relate to and cant ever totally understand....for me, at least, thats why I come talk to you folks! Have a great wednesday everyone!!!! *hugs* Shells

I'm sorry about the fight with your mom. My mom and I had a couple about the surgery as well. I had open rny so she really flipped out. Everyone put in their 2 cents, reminded me of the risk, told me some story that they "heard" about wls and etc.. Yes this surgery is risk but so is living extemely overweight. Only YOU can do what's right for YOU. They don't live in your body and don't know exactly how you feel everyday. I'm 13 months out of surgery and don't even know if I dum*****t because I stay away from sweets. I've had 1 small bite of cheesecake last month and that's the only sweet thing I've tasted since surgery. Yes I miss food, sweets and fried chicken but when I remind myself that thoes are the foods that got me to 450 lbs, I get over it. You hit the nail on the head when you said, " You will sacrifice food for a healthy you". That's exactly how I see it!!!! Keep that in mind and you'll be fine. The first holiday will be a little hard but you get use to your new lifestyle and way of eating. I just have a little bit of everything instead a pile of everything twice. Good luck in your journey, Kay

Randy, I went through the same thing, people would say "are you sure this is right for you" i was like YES its what i need to live...its been a lil over a year now..and i know its the best move i ever made..i was 459 on the day of my consult 232 today and loosing slowly now..i have already passed my goal the doctor set they said 260..i did have a few complications..but the good by far outweigh the bad..there isn't many things i can't do now..i just got Bowflex and started working out..i can do 25 situps..this might sound minimal..but before i couldn't do 1..clothes shopping is amazing..and the sex...don't think i had ever had sex before...atleast not like now..LOL..anyways,...if you wanna just talk...feel free to email me directly...not a wealth of info...but maybe i can help you feel better...best wishes..Randy