I weigh less than my partner now~

Hey there everyone - Anyone else run into type of this situation? Mary and I have been together for almost 14 years - doing fine in general. But she was always the "thin" one and has gained some weight over the years. Not a gastric bypass surgery candidate level but more than she wanted to gain. I had Lap RNY in August and now I weigh less than she does - almost to Onederland! (which I can't believe). She claims she's ok with me weighing less than she does but she's not so happy sharing clothes. She is a little taller than I am but we are the basically same size now - and I'm going to keep losing, I'm sure. It just feels strange to me to have the "fat" shoe be on the other foot, so to speak. I'm a bit freaked out. Maybe I just need to buy my own clothes and get used to being the "thinner" one. Thanks for listening! Chris Davitt Highest = 285 Current = 204 Goal = 170

I am in the same boat. It has brought up many issues. We talked extensivley about it prior to my surgery. I thought she was comfortable with it. In my early stages of post op there was an affair, that was very brief, but extreamly devastaing. We have put our relationship back together. We are growing stronger. Now I weigh 15 pounds less. I can tell when I step on the scale, she cringes. But, it has compelled her to eat healthier and join the gym and work out with me. Most of all it as opened up our relationship to new communication and ideas about lifestyle. She came to me last week and finally admitted it..."I thouht you were going to leave me!" What a break through moment. I would recommend getting some of your own clothes. It is about identity, and personal space. Luckily for Brenda, I wouldn't wear her clothes...they are too big for me anyway! (A wow moment!) Try not to focus on the scale number. Focus on getting healthy together.

Thanks for your message! Yes, you're right - its about having my own identity and personal space. I think that's definitely more of an issue for same sex couples -with straigt people you can usually easily tell one from the other. Not so easy when you look like each other = at least in weight, body type, hair color, etc. I'm hoping my WLS journey compels her to take better care of herself and get healthier. Thanks! Chris Davitt

I'm glad to see that I am not the only person with this issue. I havent had my surgery yet (still in the first stages of approvals and whatnot) but that is something I thought about. I have ALWAYS been heavier than my partner and I have worried a but about how this change will affect our relationship. I have read all these stories about people whose relationships are ruined by an event like one partner having this surgery....although I guess the people that doesnt happen to probably dont write about it! Anyhow, congrats on your weight loss and I hope everything works out well for you, I am sure it will...if we are strong enough to make it through being heavy and having this surgery, we should be able to handle anything!!!! Shells

I was 100 lbs. heavier than my partner. When I came close to her weight, she promptly lost 45 lbs. No I'm wearing her "fat" clothes. Communication is key. There is a lot of underlying fear when one loses a lot of weight. I've become more outspoken, which can change the dynamics of the relationship. We recently started couples counseling, which has been a blessing! Communicate, communicate, comunicate!!