Just Coming Out and feel ugly!

I am just "out". The trouble is that I have lost 125+ lbs., and have no boobs now, and loose belly, arm, thigh, and butt skin, like most of us will have after all this. I feel sooo unattractive. I cannot afford plastic surgery, yet. I'm a Femme, and cannot wear the clothes I want due to my tummy. (I read where someone calls it a "muffin top".) Any words of wisdom (or comfort) from any Lesbians here?

I've been out for 20 years and, having lost about 150 pounds, I feel the same way. There are two things I've done to really help in the clothes arean. I went and got fitted for a bra. My flappy tube-socks-shaped boobs suddenly looked HUGE and bigger. With them properly in place, the rest of me looked more proprotionate. Then, for the stomach, I invested in pieces from Lipo in a Box. I think they might advertise on OH. Anyway, I got the panties that have the super high waist. They fit over the skin and smooth it out, plus they're long enough to pull up and then I tuck them under my bra. I've tried all-in-ones, but I hated them. The other high-rise control panties in stores just weren't high enough. These that I bought literally make me look 2 sizes smaller (and keep the skin from jiggling around.) My arms are loose and are more flappy than I thought they'd turn out to be. So I still wear sleeveless (in summer) but then just always carried a shrug. Even little lacey shrugs, while "see through" minimize the skin exposure. Good luck!

Hi Barbara, I lost 150 Pounds I have a lot of lose skin in my inner thighs and arms and tummy. What has help me is this item that I bought from Lane Bryant its called. Spank, its the material of tights but you can't see it under anything you wear. I swear by it. I have the one that goes down to my ankles, I also have the one that goes to my knee. There are no lines, there is such a big difference when I don't wear it. It is not uncomfortable, try it. The boob area YOU just really need to get a good fitting bra. I went from DDs i am now just D which is cool. But a good bra makes the difference.

Oh Barbara - I think we all have body image issues no matter whether we identify as femme, or butch or neither - just ourselves. What does "femme" mean to you? You see, these days, it's not a term that I hear used very much. There are days when I wear skirts and girly stuff to work and days when I wear pants and suits. Sometimes I wear lipstick - sometimes I don't! I've had my hair long and I've had it really short. I've got friends who look great in gowns and dresses but who wear boots and shorts on the weekends! The only people I know who can wear clothes that don't give them the "muffin top" appearance are either teenagers or very very skinny younger women. All of us have soft bits - they're the good bits - they're the ones that show we're women!! Honey, you wear what you like and how you like it. Get out there and meet some women, dance, party, love and live out loud...you'll be just fine. Charlotte

Ok so I know I am a guy, but I have this problem too! I, like you, am not at a place where I can afford the plastic surgery I need to nip and tuck. But it is distressing because I am less than 20lbs from being "overweight" as opposed to "obese" and I was not really enjoying it like I should. I think the above comment about the lipo in a box is great! I really want one of those. Until then I have been very creative. Though you probably can't use the same options as I did, I think if you think outside the box you can probably create your own temporary lipo in a box with things like control top pantihose etc... What I did is I got these sport shirts at Wal-Mart two sizes too small. They are made of spandex and are made to pull the heat and sweat off your body. Well they also work like a control top for men by smoothing me out. NO they do not give me the illusion of pecs look that the lipo in a box does, but they keep my fat rolls from showing through my shirt and telling all of my business. I also buy these boy shorts that are made of spandex and are "seemless". I think these might work for you, if your bold enough to go into the mens undergarment section of Target. They look like bike shorts and they strech amazingly. I also like the same thing from walmart which are ribbed. All in all it is the difference of being able to button a Large shirt instead of wearing an XL and having the extra sag to hide the fat rolls and the difference of a 40' waist vs a 38' with almost enough room to get into a 36'. These have been a lifesaver! really they have. I know they make things like this for women because i have shopped with my best friend Suz who is an ultra femme lesbian. The girl doesn't go anywhere without hose, heels, and makeup... period! She still gets these kind of things from Lane Bryant because they go down to a 16 I think. Sure all in all no matter what you buy or what we all wear, it is a little uncomfortable. but I have found I am way happier now that I feel skinnier, even if I know it is somewhat an illusion. So until they make skin shinking in a can, we all will have to grin and bare it i guess. Good luck to you. If your still having issues e-mail me and I will ask Suz to e-mail you. she is awesome, I am telling you. Even at her biggest she always looked like she was a fashion show for Lane Bryant and the Avenue, sporting shiny, sexy, and cute all rolled into one!

I know I'm a little late in the game here but I think Suz and I could hang very easily. I am ultra femme too and LOVE having other girls around that are too. I have always been too big to ever look like a fashion anything (except disaster maybe) and I hope that when I finally have my surgery and get small enough that I can finally dress the way I want to. I am glad to know that guys have the same issues that us girls do. I have always felt they had it easier because it was not common for them to wear skimpy clothes, but now I can see where men would still be self conscious about themselves. I think everyone just has their own issues and you have to find a way to make it work. If you have to wear support undergarments until the day comes that you can buy yourself some plastic surgery then so be it. At least you are healthy and able to move better and do more. Like my girlfriend says, she would rather have me healthy with sagging skin than unhealthy without it. Sara

I agree with Charlotte, just be you and be comfortable. Lucky me, I am not femme as you have refered to yourself as, I wear loose jeans and baggy shirts. I do have some flappy parts and a big 'ol muffin top but I just say screw it and get dressed. I am sure you look great in whatever you put on, beauty is on the inside anyway, if you think positive about yourself you will be fine. Oh and congrats on comming out!!!! That is awesome!!!! smoochypoos - Jeremy check me out here www.myspace.com/jferch