WLS does it really doom your relationships????

I've read of so many people ending up in divorce or leaving there partners after the changes in there lives due to weightloss. Do you believe it is really the WLS or was the relationship doomed from the begining?

I would have to believe that it is the relationship, no the surgery. Any type of drastic change can make a bad relationship worse of a good relationship great. For instance, I know many couples that broke up after one person became ill or had a life altering event. I've been with my partner almost 16 years. My heart attack only brought us closer together. Rachelle

WLS doesn't doom anything...it changes it all! I went into my surgery, knowing I had the love and support of my girlfriend of five years. We talked extensivly, about being able to handle the changes that were going to happen to me, and being open to changing together. I knew we were solid, and the last thing I could imagine was my relationship falling apart. But she was hiding a deep secret...an internet affair. While I was away, having surgery, she met this person and they began a relationship. In hind sight, she wasn't ready to deal with the changes...it down right scared her into finding a "replacement." She was really affraid that I would leave her, once I got thin. Since May, we have come along way. We are working this out and I am finding forgivness(because I was ready for the changes). It was the hardest thing to ever deal with...loosing food as your friend and comfort, and your lover all in the same month. WOW!!! I look back and wonder where I got my strength and control! Remember that everything happens for a reason and every road has lead you to this point in your life. Surgery is only a catalyst for what your future holds. It is a new chapter of your life, and you are the author...so, how do you want to write it???

My partner and I separated 7 months after my WLS. We were able to work through our issues and reconcile. I've since moved back home. Was WLS the cause of our separation? No. But it did force drastic changes upon my life and hers. Our old ways of interacting were challenged by my new habits . I was becominga different person who had to relate to the world on different terms in order to survive with my new system/body. That affected every relationship in my world, not just the one with my partner. She also had to deal with her own insecurities and willingness to accept my changes. It wasn't easy for her in any way. I think that we might have gone on for many, many years silently accepting the status of our relationship had I not had the surgery and creataed the immediate change in my world.. I daily struggle to be true to myself and honest with my emotions. That also forces me to deal honestly with the emotions of my relationship. For today, we're doing well. Still some bumps along the way. But I think I'm better equipped to deal with them now. So I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that relationship will end because of WLS. I think the intense emotions of the experience simply magnify underllying issues already present in your life--all areas of your life. Feel free to check out my blog and read the entries from March through August to get an idea of what I was going through. www.hotfat4sale.com jen

Hi Jen i was hoping that you and your partner had worked it out. I am so happy for you.

Oh my gosh, I did not recognize you! I looked at your profile and saw your before picture, I never put 2 and 2 together! You look awesome!! Jaimee

Excellent question!!!! It did not doom my relationship, if anything it strengthened it. April and I have been together for 6+ years. We have always had a strong relationship but I felt so bad about myself pre-WLS. I was really suffering from depression and didn't want to go anywhere or do anything. I am so much happier now, and that really filters in our relationship and our home life. If Jaimee isn't happy, no one is happy! LOL For the relationships that do fail I personally think that it is most often the relationship to begin with. After losing weight and gaining confidence some people finally have enough strength to end negative relationships. Or, they get to a point where they are now happy and they realize how unhappy they were to begin with. The rose-colored glasses begin to fade. I do have a friend that got divorced after her WLS and the reason did stem from her losing a lot of weight. In that situation her husband felt so insecure that she looked so hot, he couldn't handle it and he became paranoid and assumed that she was cheating on him. But that still goes back to the relationship! Jaimee