Single, Gay and WLS

Hi everyone, It's been 3 1/2 months since my surgery and I've lost 65 pounds. I've started noticing that guys are paying more attention to me than before. When I used to go out with my friends to the bar to have a couple drinks and hang out I would get ignored all the time and get "the look". You know that look when people walk by you and they don't want to stare but they look at you from the corner of their eyes. I used to hate going to the bars becasue of this, but I still went because how is a gay man supposed to meet other men aside from the internet. I would sometimes even force myself to go to a bar by myself and I would always get ingnored. Now I've been to the bar a couple times and now guys are saying hi to me, walking up to me and actually wanting to have a conversation and even exchange phone numbers. Big change from before. The best thing is that guys that where rude to me before don't recognize me and they want to be friends with me now. Has any one had similar experiences? Please share.

Congratulations.... A while back I was at a bar and the most beautiful man (incredible brown eyes) smiled at me. I looked around to see who he was smiling at behind me or to the side of me... There was only the wall... I looked back his way and he smiled at me again. I smiled back... As the night progressed, he moved to where I was (but to my side).... At one point I looked over at him..and he looked back and smiled at me... Again, I smiled.. He then told me that I was cute (oh please). I blushed, thanked him..and walked away. Again, he found me.... Smiled and set that I was really handsome. I thanked him again..and offered back the compliment. He told me that I didn't seem like a bar guy...etc..etc...etc.. I didn't make a pass, I didn't catch his pass (would never cheat on my partner!!!!)...but it was the first time in years...upon years...or ever...that I truly felt that I was attractive. Lasted only for a minute in my mind..but for a minute, I was good looking... Needless to say..we all need those moments.... and I am glad you are getting yours!!!!!

Thanks... feels good to at least get noticed , compared to being invisible and ignored...

Havent had that yet, but I hardly ever hit the bars. I was out recently and even though ive dropped about 100 lbs, at the gay bars I'm still the invisible fat guy. I was 500 lbs pre op, so I'm still a heavy duty beauty. Oh well. Rome was not built in a day, as they say.

That saying definetly applies to us, we need to take it one day at a time... but it's just funny to see how shallow we gay men are when it comes to looks... Good luck to you.

Yet another perspective - I'm on the pre-op bench still and around 400 lbs. I know, all too well, that amazing experience of "invisibility". Crazy isn't it, how the more space we take up the more invisible we become - it just defies the laws of physics. I have actually been on both sides in the last 10 years though.. from 400 - down to under 200 - and back up over 400 - when I was on the losing side before I distinctly remember the moment when I noticed people looking at me. My initial response was: 'did I spill something on my shirt?', 'is my fly unzipped?', etc. and actually checking to see because it felt more like people were staring at me . After a while I got used to it and, of course, as the lbs. came back in recent years I became invisible again. Hopefully, on my way back to "visibility" soon. I'm happy you're getting attention and enjoying all the good feelings that come along with it! Enjoy every minute of it... bask in it... and think about how YOU get to decide whether you're going to be friends with those guys who were rude to you before - ahhhh, the POWER.

i know the power, i can be the ***** now... lol

OMG, I can relate. I was married and deep in the closet when I had surgery. I lost 220 pounds and a wife. Then, I started going out again. Night and day. Last time I was in a gay bar, I was in my early 20's. A tall blonde fat chicken. Nobody gave me the time of day. Fast forward to age 37. I think I packed 10 years of ass into the next 2 years. Guys I thought I had no chance with were more than happy to go to bed. It was fun while it lasted. I've been with my partner for a year and a half. And, I've turned 40. Now, I feel like I need a pork chop hanging from my neck to get some attention. I think its because my partner is 26 and HE gets all the looks and attention. That's fine. Feeds my ego even more...he's mine and they can't have him. G*d, that sounds shallow. I think one thing that makes our relationship so strong is we both had WLS. He started at 335 and his end weight was 180. But, he has excess skin issues, even after plastic surgery. So, he's pretty self conscious about that. He knows I'll never judge him for it. Well, I got off topic. Ulises, I don't think its because gay men are shallow. Most people are shallow. We can't control to whom we are attracted. That a guy didn't find you attractive before surgery does not make him a bad person. He's just human. And, lets be honest. Most guys at bars aren't looking for LTR's; they are looking for a hookup. So, if they aren't attracted to the outside, they figure there's no need to get to know the inside. Short sighted, yes, but its the way people are. PS. Its a good thing you don't near live me, cause if I saw you in a bar, I'd be hitting on you. You are a very handsome man!!!

thank you and you have a good point, most guys in a bar are not looking for ltr's

Hi Ulises I just wanted to say congrats on the weight loss! Your doing great. Kay