Lesbian Bed Death

Just curious........any of you experience this after your weight loss or is it just me going through menopause?? I'm on the brink of losing my 6 year relationship and would welcome any comments or suggestions you have. Thanks. Vicki

Sorry I can't offer any advice Vicki...I'm preop. Just wanted to offer you some support and well wishes in the hopes of saving your relationship. Rachelle

Hi vicki, im sorry your going threw this i am only 7 weeks but i havent had a problem with that department although me and my partner of 9 years will go a month just losing the flame between the 2 of us.hope you and your partner can work on this!!! Take care, Jeanette

Vicki, I have the same thing going on with my relationship. I am no longer attracted to my partner in fact I am repulsed by how she gorges herself on a regular basis and refuses to do anything to take care of her own weight problem which has spiraled out of control over the last year and a half. It is killing me emotionally that I no longer want to be intimate with her it is all I can do to talk to her as she continues to gorge on bags of candy and sweets. I feel guilty. I have offered to pay for her to have wls but she refuses, she says if she wants to sit and eat a whole cheesecake then she wants to physically be able to do it. We have two small children who love her dearly both boys ages 9 and 4. They are mine biologically and it would destroy them if we seperated but I am truly about to that point as I am ready to go out and live life and she prefers to just sit at home and slowly kill herself. I am not willing to do that nor am I willing to watch her do that to herself. I do not know if this is helping you at all or not just thought I would let you know that you are not alone in this.

I appreciate your response to this matter, but the thing of it is, I am attracted to my partner. I just don't need or want sex. I haven't figured out yet what the problem is, but since my last writing, we've been trying to get closer emotionally. That part is working out. We're planning a trip to Colorado the middle of next month to get away from jobs, home, and everything else. I'm hoping I'll find that special spark somewhere up in those mountains. Thanks for taking the time to write.

Not here, as a matter of fact our sex life is better now than it was pre-op, I think this is due to me being more mobil. Pre-op i could barely walk, I was always tired, and everything hurt, my back, knees, feet. I was very unhappy. Now, nothing hurts anymore and I have no problem moving, at all. My partner and I have been together almost 7 years so we are close to the same as you and yours. It might just be menopause, have you spoken to your doc about it, it could be something medical. I hope everything turns out ok. all my best - Jeremy

Well, i was having that problem before surgery and even though I have lost weight I havent seen a change. We have been together for 15 years and truthfully i wouldnt be attracted to me. When we met, i weighed 135 and was very sports oriented. My SO is a very health conscience person. I know she loves me but we just arent there yet. We have also had some relationship problems over the past year as well but thats a different subject. It is both of our faults, I havent been able to get around much anymore and she is very active and cant stand to sit still. Since my surgery I am able to do a lot more and have more energy...I noticed since I lost some weight she i showing more affection and is trying to spend more time with me. Who knows what the future will bring....

Hi Vicki! I just bailed out of a 3 year relationship. I couldn't believe how she got so possessive and controlling over me. She was even monitoring who I spoke to! Finally, I just said, ENOUGH. She has never dealt with her weight issues and is getting fatter and lazier by the second. Everything I said I liked, food, interests, etc., she said she didn't like and just wanted to lay around the house. I just had to say Goodbye and Good Luck. Sheryl

I think that Lesbian Bed Death is pretty normal...I am pre op but I think that stress and the extreme changes, not to mention if you are pre-menopausal can all cause it. Being emotionally connected is truly what matters, so work on getting connected that way and the rest should follow. I worry that my partner may not be attracted to me after surgery. The fact that I was basically this size when she fell in love with me, I know that I will alway love and want her just the way she is. But then she will follow the eating plan that I am and she has always been more active than me. I will finally be able to catch up to her. I hope that all works out the way it should for you. Take care.