11 months out..

Hi, it is me... Whining the Poop!!! I had my eleven month appointment the other day (I have been mandated to attend monthly check-ups). The doctor reviewed my blood draw reports...and he kept saying... "I didn't do an aggressive surgery". "Why are you still losing?" Finally he looks at me and says... "How embarrassing...reviewing your lab results, you are healthier then I am." I just laughed. He says that my labs are great. Cholestrol is wonderful, B-12, Iron, etc..is terrific. Sadly, however... I am now down to 165lbs (yippee!!!!!) from my origional 340. STOP LOSING!!!! was the comment, order, mandate. I am at a BMI of 23. He still will not allow me to exercise other then the daily walking from here and there. I hate it!!! I have an incredible bike that I want to ride. I want to join a gym. Then I went to my nutritionist and she said the same thing as the doctor but nicer. She says that I have less then 10% body fat and that I shouldn't lose anymore (would love to lose another 10 to 15 pounds). I said, look at this flab...and she said that it is excess skin. And when I am allowed to work-out and exercise, that I will lose most of it. But not yet. She says that exercising will burn so many calories in my situation that I would lose tooo much toooo quickly and that I couldn't replenish the calories quick enough to be happy. She also told me that after my one year appointment next month...instead of doing yearly check-ups..they will probably put me on a two month visit schedule to monitor me. When does it ever end??? I look in a mirror and see somebody who is ugly and boney...and then turn around and see a puffy fat guy. I know it is in my head...but I am so tired. I want to feel normal. Now that I finally fit the "mold" of the normal guy... I want to feel normal. I want to feel attractive, handsome, desirable. I want to be Daniel... not daniel who had gastric by-pass. Not once fat Dan. Just plain old Daniel. Oh, well, I have whined enough....thanks for reading.... And as always..thank you for the incredible posts. I read them many times a day and I gain a great sense of strength and encouragement through them..

I feel for your thoughts and situation, and I can state that I wish that I had just a bit more of your problem...My body seems to not want to go below the 200 lb. mark...no matter what I do, it just won't drop any more...if this is a plateau...it's the longest damned one I've been on...but stay the course and listen to the docs...they seem to know what needs to be done. One thing we post ops have to always consider is the subject of body image....and there is always the chance that no matter how much weight we have lost, no matter how many plastic surgeries, no matter how far we've come, some of us will never be satisfied with the final product...and we have to learn to deal with it, no matter how hard that may seem. Although I have never met you, from your pics you seem to be a most handsome and intellignet man, so I wouldn't beat yourself up about where you are in the process. There are still times when I see the 'old me', but when I look around to see if anybody else see's 'him'...I'm the only one. You will only feel 'normal' when you accept you for all the positives that you have in your life, and learn to take the negatives and deal with them. One thing I learned while in the military, a long time ago, and it still works today...and this was used in a battlefield scenario....when dealing with pain...so you can take out 'pain' and put in whatever image or emotion you want...when you are in the midst of battle and you are injured, and the pain is too much, you take that pain and you put it in a box, and you put that box away, for the time being. Sometimes it is necessary to take a box, and put that box into another box, and you will have a whole closet full of boxes of pain, and terror and fear, etc. But the thing to do is to go back and revisit those boxes on the shelves, and deal with them later. It is when you put them away and never look at them again that they begin to cause real problems later in life. You go back, when you can face it, and open one box and deal with it, and another, and deal with it. Sort of a spring cleaning, as it were. You have to do this with image problems also. Just put it away for now, deal with it on a one to one basis at a later date. Work on the here and now....and hopefully you will see how much progress you have made, and how far you have come in your journey. I have read your profile and followed you on your journey through this site and can say that you have made an amazing transformation, and being only 11 months out, you are still relatively speaking a 'newbie', so give it some time, take it easy on yourself and enjoy this new life we've been given...the emotional stress can cause havoc on the rest of the system....learn to take things a little easier...relax...you'll be amazed at how well you've done...accept your placement as what it is...an amazing transformation!...