Need some support...

Hi all, I actually wrote this the other day, but it disappeared into space as if I never wrote it. You will understand as you read on, but this isn't a post I would like to write again... I am not sure how many of you remember me. I haven't been around lately, but found myself here needing to be here now. Not sure how to say it, so forgive me my bluntness... two weeks ago today, my partner's daughter was murdered in Ohio by her husband. He stabbed this beautiful young mother of two to death. He had a restraining order against him and he was wearing an ankle bracelet that supposedly monitored him because he was on house arrest at his parent's home. Her two daughters were on vacation with us in Indiana at the time. My partner called me at work sobbing hysterically telling me to get home right now. She wouldn't tell me on the phone what had happened. She told me as soon as I got home. In that one horrible unimaginable moment, our lives changed forever. Now I am left to try to pick us both up off the floor and it's only just begun. Two hours later that same day, the plastic surgeon that I had reluctantly seen (I was afraid to have surgery again) two weeks prior called to say that my abdominoplasty had been approved by my insurance. When I told her that I couldn't quite think about this right now and why she aplogized and she told me that we had a month window until September for the approval to stick. She said maybe we should go ahead and put me in for the date of August 16th for my surgery. Now as you can imagine, there is so much going on right now in the way of stress that I am feeling weird about everything, but the excess skin is causing me pain and swelling in my leg as it pushes down on it. I really need to do the surgery, but I am numb and worried about me and even more worried about Linda. She wants me to go ahead with the surgery so that I feel better. Wow is all I can say. The surgery is important, but as you can imagine it feels rediculous to think about that right now or about myself for that matter. The thing is, I have to because I don't want to loose the approval. I guess I really need some support right now so I am reaching out to you all. I honestly never thought in my life that something so horrible could happen to my family, but sadly I was wrong. To all of you reading this, hug those in your life hard and long tonight and tell them how you feel. You never know when they will be taken from you. Best, Amy

Amy, I am so sorry. My heart goes out to you and your partner and your grandchildren. This very moment, an upcoming surgery certainly might feel inconsequential. But a month from now, when it actually might happen, the sting of your family tragedy won't be so fresh. I'm sure it will still be painful, but you'll have a month of perspective by then. I would plan the surgery. Prepare to have it in August. And if the day comes and you just can't do it, don't want to do it or feel like it's not good timing, then cancel it. Get it on the books now and make that final decision as the time draws closer. I don't think it's at all selfish or reflects in anyway on your grief or your support of your partner and family. It's practical. The very fact that you even hesitated to act shows how deep your love and family commitment is. Sending you hugs and support. Jen

Amy, I am so sorry for you and your family. I can only imagine how hurt you must be. I will keep you and your partner and your grandchildren in my prayers. My best friend's nephew was killed in a fraternity hazing incident at Chico College in CA a few years ago, so I know that heinious acts can happen to any of us at any given time. And our lives can be changed forever. Please go ahead and schedule the PS. If you want to cancel at the last minute, do so. This may seem frivilous right now, but it is for your health, not vanity. Take care of yourself and your family. Take support where you can get it. XOXOXO, Sharyn

Dear Amy, First let me say how sorry I am for the loss you have experienced. Domestic violence is a sad and preventable cause of death which I am sure intensifies your grief. I will keep your family in my prayers. As for your surgery, you are experiencing pain ,swelling and numbness from this skin,therefore you shouldn't feel that you are being selfish. Your partner obviously doesn't want you to continue to physically suffer just because she is emotionally suffering right now. Set the appointment and if you have to cancel you can but don't let this window of opportunity slip by if you don't have to. Take care, Dannielle

Amy - I'm so sorry to hear of this horrendous tragedy. Only you can ultimately decide about the PS right now but it sounds like you have the support of your partner if you choose to do it now and that must mean a lot. My condolences to you, your partner and family. Know that caring thoughts are being sent your way tonight. Steve

Amy, I am deeply sorry for your loss. It is a horrible tragedy to lose a son or daughter, and much too often, it is because of the act of someone else that we must suffer this loss. I have had to watch my mom and dad suffer through the grief when my youngest brother was shot to death at the age of 32. It is probably one of the hardest things we have had to go through as a family. My thoughts and prayers will be with you and your whole family. I,too, think you should schedule the surgery. There is no need for you to continue to suffer with the pain and swelling and let your condition worsen. It will be so much more difficult for you to help your partner through this trying time if you are not feeling your best. As others have said, you can cancel the surgery if you feel you must as the day approaches. Rhonda

Amy, Let me begin by telling you how sorry I am for you and Linda. I can't even imagine the heartache you must be going thru', you and yours will be in my prayers today and everyday. The one good thing I can see in all of this is that the girls were with you and not there with their mother to witness the tragedy. How horrible. Linda herself is telling you to do this, I can only imagine that if it were a problem for her she wouldn't tell you this. Also, this surgery isn't just for you, it is for the both of you, anything that affects you and your health affects her and I am sure that she wants to see you be as healthy and fit as you can be. I know that if it were me I would tell you to PLEASE have the surgery. I know that this is all overwhelming right now but in a month you may very well be ready to deal with this and like someone else said ,if not you can always change the date then. Please keep us up-to-date on your decision and let us know how you all are doing. God Bless you and yours,