What to do...

Okay I have never had this problem before, but that is because I always was fat. But now I have to confront a issue head on...my gay-ness. Okay I have never been what you call closeted. I came out to my friends and family pretty quickly once I came to terms with being gay. Even at work they pretty much know, while I have never said so, I brought a guy to our holiday dinner, I make everyone use the phrase "Significant Other" rather than "Spouse". But I have been getting out more and meeting new people. One lady, I think likes me more than the friend way I want us to be. She has been hurt badly by her ex-husband and another guy she recently dated. I don't want to hurt her, but I also don't want to tell her I am gay. What is your advice ladies and gents? This new body is attracting the wrong kind of people, I want guys to notice me not women! Jees, is that too much to ask.

I think that the best policy is honesty, coupled with compassion. You can't go wrong with that. Congrats on your success. XOXOXO, Sharyn

I agree with Sharyn. Be gentle, but honest with this lady and let her know you want to remain friends. No need beating around the bush. If it were me in her shoes, I'd want to know right up front where I stood, but that's just me. Congrats on the "new" you. Vicki

Matthew, I must agree with everyone else, I think that you should be honest with her. If I were attracted to someone and they for what ever reason were not attracted to me, I would want to know. My partner's borther is also gay, and for some reason he is a babe magnet. Women just will not leave him alone. Melissa

If you don't want to jump right out there and say "I'm Gay"!...have a quiet conversation and ask her how it goes with the men in her life or dating and then reply I know what you mean and then relate some story of yours concerning a man from your life. Talk to her like she knows you are gay...like it's no big deal. This should come off that you are on her side instead of her perhaps feeling you are pushing her back. She may actually appreciate the manly insight you could offer her when it comes to finding a decent person to be with. good luck!

Matthew, I agree with Dawn. It is your business to tell her what and when to tell her your gay. However I also agree with everyone else, honesty is the best policy. Often times when people are hopeful of someone's affection they will look for signs of interest in them. They have on rosey glasses, per say, and hear all the nice sweet things you say but not the underlying non-verbal message. So by buttering someone up with compliments, or saying things like "It's not you its me" doesn't usually work. Of course don't be harsh, but be firm . If it were me, this is what I would say: Even though we haven't known each other for to terribly long I like that we seem to communicate with ease. That has posed a problem for me in the past with other people because I am horrible at reading nonverbal signs. That is why I wanted to make sure that you and I were on the same page. I think this could be one of those times because sometimes I get the impression you may want a bit more than friendship from me. Like I said, I am terrible at reading these signs and probably I am getting confused since we seem to click so well. That is why I wanted to clear the air with you, make sure we both were just looking for friendship here because I would hate to not have you as a friend. At this point if she fesses up to her feelings, then make sure that you acknowledge them and let her know that you are flattered, and that you think very much of her, but your really not in a place where dating is an option right now. With maturity comes the ability to realize when it isnt' a good time for you, and right now that is where you are at. ** now I would seriously play this one by her reactions, if she seems positive you might just opt to tell her that your gay here, but only if you really want to be her friend in the future. If she says she didn't really have feelings for you, then you have absorbed all the blame and she gets out of it while saving face. As a final note remember that people are often more upset that they were misled than at the fact that you are gay. So if you plan to have a friendship in the future, coming clean about yourself is often a good idea. Not because you owe it to them, but because you owe it to yourself. Never cheat yourself out of a friend, one can never have enough of them!

Thank you all for the wonderful advice.

Honesty, up front and open about it with her. Nothing ruins a friendship when it starts out on a confusing first step. She may be a little confused at first, but if she is a real frined, she'll appreciate you being upfront with her right away.