i feel sooo alone...

Me and my girlfriend of 6 years split apart this past weekend. I knew that we werent getting along and it was nothing but constant fighting and ackward silence when we were together so she told me she thought it was better that we split. I think what really affected our relationship is the fact that I am not "out" to the world. I go to school and I think that it would be such a horrible mistake to tell others that I am homosexual. And I know that seems mean because I love her so much, but I just didn't think that it should be broadcasted to the world. So now, I feel so alone and depressed. One of my biggest fears in life is dying alone and having nobody to love me and I always thought that at least I would have her, ya know? finda nessy

Finda, my heart is breaking for you, you would be happier if you came out to the world, and let me tell you why. I was in the same situation that you are in, were I didn't want no one to know that I was gay. Until I actually kicked down the closet door. THAT IS WHEN I WAS FINALLY HAPPY. My partner and I went threw things where, I use to be ashamed to have her around because, I knew everyone would know I was gay. You will not be happy until you come out. My partner said she felt like my dirty little secret even though I loved her with all my heart. She felt as though I was ashamed of her. So I went through this same thing. If you love her it is time to come out. If you are concerned about your friends, it they are truley your friends then they will be your friends when you tell them that your are gay. You are hiding you, by concealing your gayness. If you want to talk please please call me. 414-248-5900.

Finda~ I'm sorry to hear about your breakup with your gf. Everything happens for a reason so I guess it was ment to be. I cant tell you to just come out of the closet but if you do, I guarantee you that you will be happy that you did. It's not that your broadcasting it, You will be living you life proud of who you are. I'm sorry you feel lonely and depressed right now. I'm sure you will meet someone that you love you and loves you just as much. Take Care and I hope you find happiness Kay

I am sorry about your split from your gf. When you feel it is right you will be out to the world. As of right now, I do not tell everyone about how I live. All my friends and family know, but too many others do. Rhonda has never come out to her family. I honestly do not think it is something that should happen when you date your first girl. I will tell you the more people I told, the more I felt good about myself and my decisions. It is a very personal decision and only you know when and if it is the right thing for you. Believe me, if you are open to love, a good woman will come along and you will not die alone. Take things one day at a time. Be true to yourself. Take care Erin

I am so sorry about your breakup. I know how devastating it can be. As far as being out, while I do believe that everyone should come out at their own speed and degree, I can understand the strain that being in the closet can put on a relationship. I am very out. My life partner is not. We have been together for 15 years and things have changed over the years. I think the longer we are together, the more comfortable she is with our relationship as it pertains to others. Family - I told my family, She did not (but they know after all this time) Friends - We have mutual friends, they all know Work - I am out at work, She is not (she works in a school)

Nessy, Hey girl, I am so sorry to hear about what happened with you and your gf. I truly know how hard that can be. If there is anything I can do, please do not hesitate to let me know. I do not think that you not being out to the world should be a factor either. But, for someone who is out, I am sure it is hard for them as well. Being alone is a scary feeling. In time, I hope everything works out for you. Call me if you need someone to talk to 540-951-5355 Melissa

I am so sorry for your breakup. Are you absolutely sure it's permanent? I can't tell you how many times my partner and I have "broken up" -- including one of us moving out -- and we have been together for nearly 25 years. I came out very gradually. I don't just walk around saying, "Yeah, I'm gay", but I don't hide it either. I have pictures of us together and speak of her the way a straight person would speak of their spouse. I'm much more content now that I'm not trying to hide things. But that's just me, I can't speak for how it would affect you.

Finda~ Let me weigh in with the testosterone perspective. My heart hurts for you and I understand where you are right now. When I split up with my partner a few years ago I wanted to die. It had always been my goal for us to spend 50 years together and then I'd die peacefully in his arms. After saying this for about the billionth time to a friend, he finally said, "Honey, I think you're confusing quantity with quality." And in my case he was right. My partner and I had many good years together but the last two had been hell. We both wanted it to work so we stuck it out but there finally came a point where it was obvious that it wasn't going to happen. Once we finally split we both made lives of quality. Looking back with some perspective, that breakup was one of the best things that ever happened to me. It probably saved my life. I know that you don't want to hear some of this right now. You need to grieve your loss but don't isolate yourself. Spend time with people you care about and who care about you. Find those friends willing to sit with you, hold your hand and listen to you. Be kind to yourself, go get a massage. Do not worry about being alone. Love comes to people who are capable of giving love and I suspect you are one of these. Hang in there. I'll leave you with a couple of my favorite quotes about love. "Memories of love never pass. They linger, guide and influence long after the source of stimulation has faded. Every person who has been moved by genuine love knows that it leaves enduring traces upon the human heart. The effect of love endures because love is spiritual in nature." -Napolean Hill- "Dismiss the thought that love never comes but once. Love may come and go times without number, but there are no two love experiences which affect one in just the same way. There may be one love experience which leaves a deeper imprint on the heart than all the others, but all love experiences are beneficial." -Napolean Hill- Dean

Screw Dr. Phil.. This board has Dean! Maybe we need to start a "Ask Dean" post once a week. That was great advice.

thank you everyone soo much for all your kind words..today has been the worst. she purposely has been acting like she never loved me and that we never have been through thick and thin together...what gets me the most is the fact that she acts like we were never in love at one time. I mean, okay, we never really ever made love or anything because I was waiting until marriage because I wanted it to be special and for her to be the ONLY individual I have EVER been with in my life, and I guess she tells me now that she doesn't think that I'm gay because I have never been with her sexually...but I have NEVER been with a guy in my life, let alone anyone else. I know and realize now that I am going to have to move forth and just put the past behind me. My biggest fear is just being sad alone. I just want someone there who loves me.....but thank you all sooo much for listening and I love you all so much...~*muah*~ finda nessy