WLS & Dating

Greetings All! I had WLS in March and have lost a great deal of weight. I haven't worn clothes this small since the seventies! I'm loving wearing clothes that don't look and fit like a potato sack and am starting to feel like I look pretty good in them. Here's the dating situation: This weekend I ran into someone I haven't seen since before my surgery. We have a lot of mutual interests and enjoy each others company. At one time I was very interested in this man and let him know. I got the "I just don't think of you in that way, can we just be friends?" speech. We have been friends since. We talked a little at the concert and said the usual, "let's get together soon and catch up." When I got home from the concert I had an email from Peter saying how good he thought I looked and asking if we could go on a date. He even admitted in the email how shallow he felt at being interested in me now... How about some advice from some of you who are further down the road than I am? Have any of you experienced something similar? I don't know if I should go out with him or not. I responded to the email, "let's go out and catch up as friends and see what happens after that." I've got to say that I do have a little anger that I feel like I'm exactly the same person who was turned down two years ago. But to be fair, I wouldn't have gone out with me either at 300 lbs. So I wonder if I have any right to judge someone for being shallow when I'm apparently just as shallow. Anyway, at the risk of sounding pitiful, what do y'all think? Should I try to date this man? Dean

Dean, First, congrats to you on your weight loss. Second, I think that everyone is entitled to a second try. I think you should go out with him as just friends and see where it leads to. It does suck that now, he thinks you are someone he might want to date. But, again everyone is entitled to a second try. This is only my opinion,if you do go out with this guy please let us know how things turn out. Melissa

Dean... Were you a Queer as Folk fan? Ted (the accountant and ex-meth user)..was the unhappy receipent of a mercy f@#k from a very hot guy. The guy told Ted, that it was just mercy sex. Ted felt awful and humiliated. A while later, Ted recovered from his drug use, went to the gym, and was looking good. He met up with this guy again, but this time..the guy didn't recognize him. Ted decided to play him like a fiddle and have sex...then tell the hottie... You were just a mercy f'. After Ted did this, the guy was so hurt. He said that he really thought he had feelings for Ted. Moral of the story.... You could go out with this guy and use him for sex..get it out of your system...and him out of your system... or.... If you are truly interested in him...go out on a date..If you like him...allow yourself to like him. Do what you feel will make you happy. Your life is now changing.. You are now changing...but the person you are on the inside is still the same.. My opinion...go out with him as friends.. If anything happens..allow it. Physical is just physical. doesn't mean you have to get married...

Dean, As sad as it may be ,you can't fault someone for not being attracted to you when you were bigger. Attraction is something you don't have control over-either you feel it or you don't. If he was nice to you back then and you enjoyed his company, then by all means give the guy a chance. It says a lot about him that he admitted feeling shallow for his previous behavior. A lot of people would have ignored that fact and just asked you out. One of the reasons people have WLS is because they don't like their own looks-should we expect someone else to find attraction ,in something about us, that we don't even find attractive about ourselves? I hope you have a nice time with what sounds like a nice man. Dannielle

Well you are not the same person you were then. I am reminded of this every week. Someone tell me how different I am since I lost teh weight. I notice it in other people in my support groups but never noticed it in myself until others pointed it out. I stand a little taller, I am more comfortable speaking out, I have more energy. Once pointed out I took a weekend by myself and did alot of reflection and you know whatr I did change. Give him a chance. Dinner and a movie doesn't mean a life togetther or even sex. At worss you may realize you wasted a night, at best....WOOO HOOO

Lots of great responses. God knows I've been called shallow in my life. I was 470 pounds pre-op. Would I have asked me out? No way. Not only was I not physically attractive, my personality was even less attractive. As one poster said earlier, I"m not the same person now that I was then. If I was, I still would ask me out, even with 220 less pounds on my body. Its such a combination of things. Now matter how you dress up a guy, an asshole is still an asshole. It is obvious the guy had some interest in you, before. He had a personal interest in you, just not a sexual one. Now, he may have both. I say go for it. Its just a date. Can't hurt, might help.