Well here it is 3Months already... Sorry.. Long and rambling .....

Well... here it is 3months post already... 40lbs pre op lost and 70obs in the 3 post months... weird how I feel/view this... I feel (physically) SO much better... my knee's no longer hurt, I have had NO DIABETIC meds since my surgery. I feel like I don't deserve this... Go figure... I just have to tell myself that this is nothing more that what got me in this mess in the first place. But it still is a sucky place to be, guess that is what happens when you grow up thinking Live WOULD be great... If I JUST HAD THE BRADY'S for parents... WHAT A DORK ... I have been on an up lately, it has been a real nice ride, feeling like I haven't in so long, feeling sorta (dare I say) Sexy... well at least not like the BLOB... wanting more from life... What a vortex that is. I mean, nothing has changed in my life, except that I had a procedure that is helping me control something I lost control of along the way... everything else is still OUT OF CONTROL around me. I can't get a better job, I SUCK AT INTERVIEWING... Some folks get freaked out during a Doc visit, ME... Oh no... I Lose it during Job interviews... I say stuff that I wish I hadn't and feel so inadaquate (sp) in my choosen profession.. heck.. in my life. well at least I am losing some weight... I keep waiting for this to end too... go figure... I am only 3 mos post op and I think it is going to end today, tomorrow... next week... only to end up where I was again. weakness, what a cruel thing to deal with. to lose too. As I read these msg boards and lurk around the corners drawing strenght from those here having success's I fail to see my own... amazing how we put blinders on ourselves, I am thankful for the moments when actually understand that I do have success, that I am successful, that I am a good person that I mean something to others besides just being a rug under foot. As I start one project leaving 10 others to flounder in the wind... Not understanding HOW my DW can put up with me and all that I do... (or don't do depending on how you look at it I guess) I do Know that I am THANKFUL for the DS and what it has brought to my life... (or maybe I should say "Taken Away" ) I know this is NO WHERE NEAR over, that I have a long row to hoe... that once I reach the end of that row.. (laughing to self) I will just have to turn around and start back up the other side.... trying to keep the sanity of it all in prespective and look to the moments of clarity that cloud around all the other things we have to wade through. As I sit and think (insert Dream here... Dare I say) about what I want "TO DO" when I reach goal... only to look at my life and go.. Oh.. yeah.. like that is gona happen... when it take money I DON'T HAVE ... to do those dreams... when responsibility sets in and I have to buy this or pay that... there is no need for dreams... I have to achive (sp) what I can to meet my obligations as a Husband and Father... I am Thankful that I have a Higher Power (sounds like I might have been to an OA meeting or two, eh?) in my life. Because like that Brookes and Dunn song... the older I get... the more I realize.. THERE HAS TO BE MORE TO THIS LIFE THAN A LONG SLOW RIDE AT THE END... and finding the power in those words written in Red! well... I guess I should stop while I am behind... I will have my 3mos pics soon, I didn't get one months... so I will get those and the Pre-ops and get'em posted and use them to help me see that I can succeed at something... TTFN Medicgeek10 KI4MPP

you are doing great, and keep up the good work!!! Life does get better the further out from surgery...I am not quite 6 months out, and have lost 82 pounds forever, and no, they will not return... The further out from surgery, you will start to realize that your self-esteem has greatly improved, and you will do so much better in your job interviews. Take care and may God bless you. Norma

You are doing so great!! It is posts like that and people's stories that help us preop people! Keep up the good work! Lorie B.