Do you isolate?

Becky, Just remember, when you're down in the valley, that's where the Lilies grow! Look up, God is on the mountain! Cathy

Amen, Cathy!!! There is no doubt that He's also down here in the valley...cause He's carrying me much of the time! I'm feeling more positive every day! Thanks for the encouragement! Becky

Oh wow. You have me pegged too! At work I'm out in front when I have to be, but even there I hide if I can. And as for the rest of my life...... well, lets just say my social life has been non-existant for the last couple of years. I am afraid to reach out to others, and use humor as a shield. Having surgery seems to have stripped away a lot of my shell, left me feeling like someone peeled a few layers of skin off. My brain knew going into WLS that other people's views of me would change, but only I can change how I see myself. Now I have to get that second part down! I didn't realize I was an addict --- food addict that is --- until I started the process for surgery. I see myself in a whole new light, but I just don't really understand it yet. Its a journey we are all on. But we are on it together! Carolyn D

Hi, Carolyn!!! "...only I can change how I see myself!" That's it! Knowing it in your head is so different from knowing it in your heart. I am so glad that we are on this journey together!!! Hugs, Becky

I don't know if what I am experiencing is "Isolation" or not, but I have noticed that I have been withdrawing quite a bit lately and really have no desire to leave the house most of the time. What is the deal with that? I have also noticed that my patience with stupid stuff is almost gone. I have been snapping at everyone. Before surgery I had social anxiety but I always thought it was because of the weight...guess not *lol*. I will even make plans to go somewhere and be really excited about it then when it gets closer to the date to go I try to find ways to back out of going. I guess I should have gotten the libotomy FIRST . Can't wait to see y'all next week!! Shree

You know since we see what we are doing, we have to make ourselves GO when we know it is for our good...like to see friends at the October meeting!!! Love ya' Becky

I can so relate to all of you on this one... Food has always been my comfort!!! I isolate!!!! Becky, I wish Drew the best with his recovery! Hugs to all Kristin

Thank for your best wishes. I didn't overeat in public, but in hiding. When people say that paying for a buffet now is payback for life before WLS, they are soooo wrong for isolaters. I NEVER went back for seconds...too embarrassed. When I got home, the binging would begin. My foods of choice included chocolate, chocolate, and chocolate. Thanks for your kind words for Drew. We are very proud of his recovery...one day at a time. Hugs, Becky

I have never had this problem. I've had the opposite issue. I could never let myself feel anything....because of the trauma of my childhood, I learned to experience emotion through food. That was safe and non-threatening. As long as I could eat, I could feel something. I did have my moments, especially as an overweight teenager, when I felt I wasn't good enough. However, I was raised by a mother who also has her emotions buried under layers of bluster and bravado. I learned to be brash, funny, outrageous, indignitely angry....anything other than real. By the time I was 26 years old I was so out of touch with my emotions and my own reality, that I weighed almost 500 pounds. Issues, what issues? Sure I ate too much and didn't like to exercise, but I had tons of friends, was even getting married....what was so wrong with me? Society was the one with the problem. I'd never suffered from a lack of social activities.....I was never at home...my friends and I burned up the freeways around Atlanta....I had no problems. The whole time however, I was slowly growing more and more angry. As misguided as my anger was, it served me well in one area....it allowed me to leave an extremely destructive marriage and think, for the very first time, damn it, I'm better than this. Through the therapy work I've done before and after surgery I've come to understand that all of this....the anger, the weight, the inability to feel, was self preservation. I chose that road instead of insanity....the food saved me in a way, and even though I hated myself secretly for years, for my "weakness", I'm so glad now that I went down the path to food addiction instead of becoming completely disassociative, or developing an addiction that also hurt others. I now realize I've been terrified for the last 30 years of my life, and I'm only 32. A toddler or infant who is exposed to violence in the home, screaming, yelling, hitting, will often spend the rest of their lives waiting for the fist to fall or the scream to come. I hid it so well, that I didn't even know it myself. I fed the beast of fear all my emotions, my hopes, my self esteem and lots of cookies, and it laid quiet. You could have knocked me over with a feather when I realized how afraid I am of everything. You'd never know it to hear me run my mouth So now I'm learning to recognize the signs of irrational fear, to trace them to their origins. I've done a ton of inner child work, and for me at least, it's been miraculous. My little girl isn't so scared anymore. In fact, she's not all that angry these days either. I finally have some peace and quiet that doesn't require cake to maintain. I do still occasionally overeat, I do still occasionally use food as self medication, but I'm aware of those instances now and can usually sit down and figure out why. That gives me the freedom to tackle that issue head on, to resolve it in a responsible manner. And that's the coolest thing ever.... Kelle

Great post, Kelle! Feeding the fears to the point that you didn't know they were there sounds familiar. Finding that peace and quiet without medicating with food seems to be the solution. How cool that you're succeeding!!! I hope to see you at the October meeting?!?! You need a new picture! Love ya' Becky