Do you isolate?

Before surgery, I tended to isolate...avoided people as much as possible. I thought it was because of my weight, etc. Well, for the last three months, my son, Drew, has been in a recovery center for addiction, and guess what he has to work on the most...isolation. My twenty year old son didn't run with folks who drink, and we don't have any alcohol in the home, but he drank alone! Hmmmmmmmmm! This made me start examining old Becky!!! Now that I have lost the weight, guess what I still do? Isolate!!! Ding ding ding! The weight was not the culprit, it's my depression. It's my fear of bothering others or being rejected. When things overpower my, I want to hide. It's how I deal! When Gregg was out of town for a week, I LOVED being alone and I adore my hubby. "I vant to be alone" should be my theme. Unfortunately, Drew is learning and so is Mom that this is not a healthy coping mechanism in our partucular situations. Apparently, we need people...at least, some of the time! (I know you are thinking of the Barbra Streisand song...People Who Need People!) Please forgive my LONG interspection...just wondered if anyone else can relate. This feeling of needing to be alone all of the time was a big part of my reason for having the surgery. It's hard to realize that this awesome operation is not magic. Hugs, Becky

BTW, I'm not at church right now because I'm isolating. I received e-mails and messages from dear friends who miss me, but I can't seem to step out. No one did anthing to me. I love church, but don't want to verbalize my troubles. You know when they ask, "How's everything?," "Where have you been?," I tend to tell them too much, then I feel embarrassed and sad. I guess that's one of the reasons I know isolation is a bad coping mechanism. I want to be there, but I can't face it yet. Blah Blah Blah, the end! Thanks for listening to/reading my therapy session!

YES YES YES I totally relate. I've always found my "comfort" in food....thus the reason I became overweight. I still have this deamon - only now I eat in less quantity. I've always worried about fitting in....it's also part of the reason that sometimes I can be overbearing with my personality. (Believe it or not - it's a way for me to hide behind my fears). I do know where you're coming from. I hope you know that if you EVER need someone to chat with PLEASE feel free to contact me! (((Love ya girlfriend)))) Dee Dee

Oh, Dee Dee, We're called extroverted introverts. That ugly "fear" word has always been a big part of me too. We moved soooo much as I was growing up that I thought I had to try to be the most outrageous and funniest to MAKE people like me. Shot, I fixed my own hubby up with someone else before we ever dated. I wanted to "please" him, and knew that wouldn't be me. I know we have got to love ourselves, but I feel bad, "conceited," even saying it. Okay, this has got to change! I love you bunches! Becky

I do the same thing and I hate it. I talk myself out of going places that I know will be fun, I know I'll probably enjoy myself once I get there, but it's the process of getting there when I talk myself out of it...I really need to get the laundry done or I really need to rest or...you know the excuses we use. I suppose we have to take little steps and venture out a little at a time to prove to ourselves it will be okay. I'm taking an anti-depressant which I suppose helps but I'm not where I need to be yet, that's for sure. Still have a long way to go to be totally comfortable but at least we recognize it, that's the first step. And this board is great for us to be able to share, it sure helps me.

Boy we have the same excuses, especially the "need to rest" one. This board has really helped me too. Thank you for sharing, Dear Sandy!!! It's cool that we can support each other. Love, Becky P.S. This is my second attempt at responding, so if you get two responses, forgive me. I have a bit of a problem with entering at the wrong times. I have hyper click syndrome.

Oh, my dear sweet Becky! I am responding to you now, because I can, because I am also not at Church, where I SHOULD be right now, in my Bible Study Class. Oh, If only I had the answers as to why we do, what we do. It takes so much out of me to get out that door sometimes. Maybe one day we will dig ourselves out of this, but in the meantime,I just want you to know that I have missed you on this board! Your dear sweet Drew is in my prayers,as are you! Cathy

Thank you, Dear Cathy, I've missed you too. I hope your beautiful boys are great. How is kindergarten going? Thank you for your prayers. The Lord is sooooooo faithful. Even in the valley, He has given me much joy. My #1 prayer request is that Drew stay clean and close. He has been unmedicated (not even antabuse that makes you throw up if you drink) and sober since July 17th now. I am very proud of him. He comes home for one day next weekend as long as he does his chores and keeps his new job! My class this year is PRECIOUS...could not be sweeter!!! I asked one of my new little ones who is a bit active if he had gotten in trouble at his other school (not a fair question). His response was "there was one day I didn't." Guess which one makes me laugh the most? I love you, Cathy! Becky

Very good question. One of the major reasons I decided on surgery was because I felt that as a fat person I was unworthy of respect, love and all the other things that "normal" people take for granted. It was the most evident for me at work when I felt like the first thing people saw was a fat woman and then everything I said would be colored with that impression. Unfortunately, I have noticed a difference in how people who did not know me a year ago relate to me and what I have to say. My secretary keeps a very unflattering picture of the two of us in a NYC rain storm that I have to pull out from time to time to let people now know that I can relate to their problems with food addiction. Because I was not good enough for normal people, I tended to isolate myself from most social situations. I tried to overcome the feelings by trying to be smarter, more knowledgeable, and more sarcastic than everyone else. But mostly I isolated myself from people. One of the hardest things I ever did was go to my first Ga board meeting. I sat in the parking lot forever before I got the nerve to go inside. Fast forward almost a year later and 144lbs ago and I still tend to isolate myself. Sure it is better but I have noticed that I still tend to withdraw into myself. My body posture is a perfect example of how I will try to draw into myself not to be seen for who I am or take up more room than I deserve. Sometimes we look at this surgery as a fix all for everything. And as everyone says later, "I didn't have brain surgery too". I'm still more comfortable by myself with a book than I am in a room full of people. The physical image improves but our underlying coping mechanisms are still there. I'm just trying to figure out if the coping mechanisms caused the fat or the fat caused the coping mechanisms. Sort of a chicken and egg kind of thing. I got kind of long but I jsut wanted to tell you that what you said struck a note with me this evening. Also I was thinking about you last night and realized that I had not seen you around as much recently. So I was wondering if everything was alright with you. Take care. denise

Thank you for your response, Dear Denise!!! I have read six novels in the last three weeks (one week was vacation). LOL You are sooooo right about the chicken and egg thing. I don't think there's anything wrong with liking to be alone as long as it doesn't become a problem. Since I am avoiding things that I love, it's a problem. I don't think I have ever seen you fluffy...can't even imagine it! I KNOW you are gorgeous...bet you were pretty before too! The only reason that I went right in at my first GA Board meeting was because I recognized Tami as she walked in the restaurant, and she smiled at me even though I was still in the car. You know how encouraging and warm that smile is!!! I am planning to be at the October meeting. I hope to see you there! Love you! Becky