OT: Family Situation, need advice...Kinda long

I'll try to make this as short as possible, 8 yrs ago my brother in law cheated on his wife(who was an at home mom at the time, with 3 kids the youngest being 8 months old) and married the lady he cheated with,who is a real b**tch might I add. For 8 yrs these kids have had problems, being in the spotlight of DFACS on and off, bruises, parents bickering, parents pushing them on others, etc. DFACS has done nothing to make sure they were secure. With the parents the kids were supposed to be 2 weeks with Dad, 2 weeks with Mom, and supposed to go to the school in the Dad's school district. For 8 yrs this has been an on and off thing, as the Step mother has said these aren't my kids they aren't my responsiblity, but I do give her credit, they did take them in for 3 months when their mother was without power.About a month ago BIL and wife moved, not taking all the kids, but telling them we can't take 2 of you because we don't have the room. They took his oldest by 1st marriage, her's by a prior marriage and theirs together, leaving the 12 and 9 year old by his 1st marriage behind with their mother( which is not a safe situation either) Now on BIL two weeks he is supposed to have then, he don't. He told his Mom we can't have them here can you take them on my two weeks, so she did. Well I noticed the youngest is having problems in school, so I took it upon myself (since no one else would do anything) and talked to the principle about their situation and that their stepfather was being investigated for child molestation as well, and that I was concerned for these kids and their well being. The Principle went to DFACS and now my b**tch of a sister in law and ex sister in law are threatening me, saying that I need to stay out of their lives and leave the kids out of it. My sister in law said that if I didn't she was going to "f**k me up", When I ask what she ment she said she was going to have DFACS at my door, and Disabilty (as I am on disabilty for depression and mild cerebral palsy) I told her as long as these kids were having problems it was my businees and that they needed to be out of both parents care and with my Mother in law.I am going to DFACS myself Tuesday and let them know what has happened and tell them they can investigate me if they want I have nothing to hide,actually my daughter is the only stable child in our family, also I am going to my psychologist to get him to put this on paper, just in case she tries something and I'm also going to talk to SGT. Cook at the school to see what I can do. My question is with me already being in disability, if she goes to them will they stop my disability to investigate? I have nothing to hide here either, but was just wondering, as I told my mother in law if she did this should would be taking from my child not me. ANY ADVICE WOULD BE APPRECIATED. Hugs, Melissa

Melissa, I do not know about the disability issue...but, I have a question for you. Are you able and would you consider taking the children into your home? It is good that your MIL would take the children, but if I were the children I would not necessarily want to live with my Grandmother, but would want to live with children my own age. Your MIL does not need the added stress of raising children with DFACS at her heels. Just food for thought!! Norma

Unfortunately Norma, I don't have the added space for 3 more kids, although I did tell MIL if she had them I would help out as I only live 3 houses up from her. MIL has been involved with DFACS over these kids for the past 8 yrs and already has them 2 weeks outa a month because her son who is suppose to have them says he can't have them where he lives which is a crock of BS. Hugs, Melissa

Oh My God. Those poor kids! I'm soooooo proud of you for jumping in on their behalf. Now on to the disability question: as medical social worker (& an old one at that!) I can say I am sure your disability is safe. It is based ONLY on 1) you being deteremined disabled, and 2) meeting the prior work requirement. You already did both those things. The worms are just trying to scare you. For your own protection and for the children, your "to-do" list is right on target. See DFACS, get the back-up of your psychologist (and a little support for yourself in this really tough time), and talk to the school. You may also want to keep a log of what has been going on. Include who (the worms) said what to you, when, in what context, and details about what you have seen with the kids. If you know dates include them as well. Keep the journal going. It may be the best protection to get those kids the life they deserve. BIG HUGS & PRAYERS carolyn d.

Thanks Carolyn, I started a log last night on the computer to keep up with things as I am not good at remembering (blood pressure meds) but I talk to my older sister and she says to reframe that their is NOTHING DFACS can do and like you said they are just trying to scare me. I'm not scared because I know I have done nothing wrong, I was just concerned that if they do investigate disabilty, that they might cut me off until that is over and that's X amount that would be taken away from me caring for my daughter, so basically they would be taking from her. Hugs, Melissa

Melissa, I want to re-inforce what Carolyn D said, The Log is necessary!!! I am a Deputy Sheriff and it is important to have documentation and a log is great for this. Make sure that you enter every contact that you have, even if there are no threats. If the threats continue there could be criminal charges in thier future if you are willing to persue it. Good luck and watch out for those children. Lynne

Thank you Lynn, I have already started a log, but how can they get charged with threatening me if it was by phone and not actually with witnesses or anything. I should have had DH on the phone but he is a peacemaker. Everyone in the family knows how she is and that everything that comes out her mouth is a LIE, she lies so much that she believes them herself. Hugs, Melissa

Melissa, You can make the report and start recording all conversations with these people. You really need to cover your a$$ in every way possible. Lynne

I commend you for taking this on. You are obviously a wonderful person. I feel that the children come first in every situation and if they are in a bad place, it is up to us to take care of them. Thank you for being a wonderful Aunt to these kids. They will not forget it. Carol

Thank you Carol, unfortunately, the parents are telling these kids "Melissa is trying to have you taken away from mom and dad and put with grandma" which is something they should never tell the kids. I have told them they DO NOT need to put them in the middle, but I guess that's how ignorant parents are. The kids don't see it as me being a wonderful Aunt now because of the parents, but they will know when they get older I am just trying to protect them. DFACS on the other hand is for the birds, they have done NOTHING in the past 8 years and I don't see them doing anything now. Hugs, Melissa