Nervous and Scared

Well, yesterday my Surgeons office called, and told me we are moving for a July date ( if my insurance says no, I am self paying). Well, Last night for some reason I started really thinking of the negatives. I went to the pages of people who died on OH, and cried as I read their stories. I looked at my kids, and wondered what would happen if I died from this surgery. Would my kids know me? Remember their mother? All they would know is she died to be thin. I cant even tell you the thoughts that ran through my mind, everything from what would happen to my house, to would my husband remarry. I am so scared for the first time- Yesterday I was so happy because it looks like I will be undergoing surgery next month but today I am so scared. I tried to talk to my husband about this, but he tells me not to worry, "you wont die"... etc etc...and that makes me mad as well- its like he doesn't understand that this is dangerous. . I know that I have great health ( thus far) but I cant help to wonder if I am having this worry for a reason, is it a sign that I should just be content with being obese ? I really am doing this as a preventive step for my future health ( and yes, I am at high risk BUT thats not to say I will have health problems in the future other than this horrible depression about my self worth). Anyone else feel this way?

Dear Michelle, I am 3 weeks post-op. Let me tell you, you are having the very same thoughts running through your head that I had going through mine. I mean exactly! The realistic part of you knows that sometimes bad things happen. I, too, wept like a baby when I read the in memory page. But you also know that obesity kills. It robs you of your self worth. At some point, obesity will lead you to high blood pressure, diabetes and cardio vascular desease. Only you can answer whether or not this surgery is for you. Have you really researched the surgery? Go to the main message board and read post there. You get more information that way. When I reached the 'point of no return' I spent a few hours alone, I got down on my knees and 'gave it to God'. I knew I was in his hands and by 'giving it to Him' I felt released. I went into surgery knowing I was in His hands. I was calm and knew I would see my family in a few hours. Today, physicians do a really thorough check on you to be sure your body can handle the trauma of the surgery. So you can find some comfort in that. I would never recommend the surgery to anyone. But if you feel like you have researched and that you have truly made an honest effort to get fit on your own, then follow your heart. It is especially hard when you have small children. I was so worried my 5 year old wouldn't remember me if I passed away. Its all part of the process. I always though I was a walking timb bomb. I had high bp and diabetes. I had all my clearances done and found I was actually quite healthy, considering. But I knew I had tried thousands of time to lose the weight and was never successful. I thought, well, I can put the surgery off and try 'really hard' to diet. But then I'll be heavier and older and maybe in not so great health when I do have to have it whi*****reases the risks for surgery. I've had a really rough time post-op. Would I do this again? Hmmmm, at this point maybe not. But I know it will get better. And I will be healthy enough to run around outside and play with my daughter. And my granddaughter will know me. And I will see my 22 year old daughter walk down the isle in a wedding dress I picked out for her when she was like 5! Remeber quality of life too Michelle. Please know I am here and all the others who selflessly give their support on this website. Anytime you feel scared, or excited, need a place to share your joys and tears during this journey... we are here. May God bless you and guide you... Barb

Well, Barb as usual summed things up pretty well! The only thing I would add is don't be too hard on your hubby. Men like to fix things. When you have a problem and just want support and to talk to him he will try to find a solution or if it is out of his control he will try to make you feel better about it. Thus the : oh, it's ok honey you won't die : stuff. To you and me that may seem like he is being insensitive or even blowing us off, but it's just a guy being a guy. I know now after the fact that my husband was really worried when I went into surgery but he didn't talk about it much back then! Kia 284/211/155 ish

I was there with you... I am almost 3 months post op. I have a 3 year old and a loving wife. I had to get to the point where, I had to think about what my life will be like without the surgery. I couldn't run after my toddler, when he gets his training wheels off, I can't help him take that first ride. I could barely go to the park and watch him play, nonetheless play with him. I was sick all of the time so what kind of husband / father would I be without the surgery? Once I factored in what WILL happen and what WAS happening because of obesity and its complications, the POSSIBILITIES of something bad happening from the surgery didn't seem so insurmountable. Good luck on your journey. I just got back from the docs office and I am down 85 lbs to 337!!! I am 35 and haven't been this weight since I was 21. I am working out 4 times a week and I play with my son and help my wife around the house and just feel 100% better. Without the surgery, I'd still be 430 or so lbs and laying on the couch and taking 4 medicines and feeling yucky.

hi michelle,i have never heard of or read these pages.Could you let me know where you found this? I really want to know not just the good but the other things too before i take that plunge you can say i feel like you.this isn't a easy step to take but my health willnot get any better unless i do this,your not alone out there.This message board is the most caring people,i have ever spoken to.They have told me they are there for support and i feel blessed knowing that so you have definatly come to the right site.