My story

You ever played soccer with a bull? A really big bull? And the hormones? I totally don't get that. Why do we start our periods because of this surgery? And what about the men... hmmm????? In all honesty I can only describe what my experience has been. I read Kathy's post (Krazy Kathy ) and felt I was reading my own experience. She shared with me when she finally posted that message she was breaking down. I honestly thought if ya can't say something good, don't say anything at all. But Kathy and I both agreed we were not informed enough about this part of what post-op could be like. And again, everyone is different. I went in to surgery without jitters. really. thought I was very prepared. I knew that leaks were possible. I knew that blood clots could happen. I knew the dangers of anesthetics. I don't remember being moved to my room or really much of anything first day out. I slept alot and my mouth was dry but nothing a few ice chips every few hours didn't take care. I was kind of uncomfortable in the hospital bed. The day I came home I went to bed, tried to sip on some water or broth thoughout the day. Woke the next day with the dry heaves. I felt that my liver was being pulled through a shredder. My stomach was hurting on the other side of my body. and with every heave it pulled tighter and tighter. This started happening every few hours. I would take little baby sips of water. I tried sipping watered down juice as my Doc had suggested. Only to have more violent episodes of this heaving. I'd been saying it was evil. It is the only word to describe this pain. I was doing everything right. And still am following docs orders to a tee. Finally after 3 days of this my doc called in some different meds. And had me start early on a protein drink and slowly the heaving stopped. I also experienced terrible feelings of despair. I couldn't hug my daughter. My fiance couldn't hold me. The scent of everything made me nauseus. My family, me, my freshly washed sheets... everything. Hot flashes, strange and vivid nightmares. My back and neck hurt from laying so uncomfortably. My period started 2 weeks early. I paced and cried, wondering what I had done to my body and to my family. One night my sister called me from Indiana and read to me from the Bible. It was very relaxing to me. She read something about an eagle getting its wings and soaring (?). I awoke the next morning feeling soothed and prayed. I opened my bible and it was Psalms 147. God heals the sick and sooths the broken hearted and he makes people who are not proud (as in low self esteem) strong. It totally hit home for me. 8 days out and I still just can get in sips of water but found warm chicken broth sooths THE POUCH. I went outside and walked along the sidewalk a few times. I am healing and I am so determined that all this is to help me reach my goal and never return to this dark place again. I see people refer to their pouch as pouchy or some jokingly (I think) say they name it. What I have is THE POUCH. Even stronger than "The Brain". I think there should be a year waiting period for this surgery (I thought I had researched everything there was to learn and had my surgery in 6 months from inquiring) and classes to take. Much, much more than a 90 minute meeting with a dietician and a 15 minute talk with a psychiatrist with a written test that made me laugh. I think patients should be kept in the hospital longer. I wish every medical decision we make about ourselves didn't boil down to money, or insurance. It scares me to see pre-ops write 'bcbs said I only have until 6/7 to have the surgery so I have to hurry'. I have been given much, a few true friends (I believe) and a lot... a ton of support. I promise to give the same back. I shall be eternally thankful to those who prayed for me, and continue to (please). Every time I read this board you are all prayed for. May God give us all what we need. Barb

Barb (hug) What strong, heartfelt words! I had a minor episode of what you are experiencing during my own recovery post op and I know I was depressed too for awhile. Every day should get better and better for you. Just take baby steps and don't look too far ahead. THE POUCH rules us all Kia 217/284/155 ish -67 #

Barb....Bless you You have been through it girl, and it sounds like you are on the road toward recovery. One of the things I was aware of when MY surgery came along, is it is not uncommon to have a "remorse" period in the first three weeks. Those first three weeks are when the sort of things you have gone through can occur. I was blessed, as I did not experience any difficulties or remorse. However, I had heard some pretty vivid stories and was anticipating it. I think what had helped me be prepared for the hard time (if it had come) was I perused the main msg board a lot in addition to the Georgia board. I found that on the main board, there was a greater sampling of folks who were in varying stages of their post op experiences. There were those who like me, had no struggles, some like you who wondered what the HECK they had done to themselves, and there were the occasional ones that just wished they could die. I don't tell this to scare anyone considering the surgery or are about to have their surgery, I just believe you should be prepared for the worst, and pray for the best. Barb, I commend you for your very heartfelt description of your experience, because folks DO need to know that sometimes it is NOT all rosy and wonderful right afterwards. I think KNOWING is more than HALF the key to being able to handle the situation should it arise. God Bless you Barb Ramsey, and God Bless all you "newbies" and "soon to be losers". Barb, I pray for your continued healing and success with this tool we have been given. Thank you for sharing your story. Tami

Barb, I sit here struggling with what to type, as I am at a loss. I can tell you that I am so sorry that you have gone through so much. You have and will continue to be in my prayers. It would be so easy for me to say for you to just hang in there, and it will get better, but I know that you know that, and it's not really what you want to hear right now. I am not going to tell you that I know what you are going through, because I don't. I never expierenced what you and Kathy are going through, my biggest complaint at the time, was my constant cold. I must admit that you gave me a little chuckle, when you said your period started (sorry) you see that happend to me too, and I have since had one FAITHFULLY every month since, whereas before my surgery, I would have only 3-4 a year. I also now sit here with tears in my eyes, for remebering how hard it was not to hold my boys,they were only 22 months and 33 months, and could not possibly unserstand why they couldn't crawl into my arms. I know how much your children mean to you, and I wish I would have told you about that. To be honest, I think that I blocked those feelings but reding your post just brought it back. I will remember to tell other post ops with kids next time. Take Care, Cathy

Barb, I am glad that you posted your story. I believe every story should be heard. WHether it be good or not so good. You sound like you are on the road to recovery. Slowly, Slowly, it will get better as the days go on. I beleive I told you about my "remorse" period. THree days out I had a major melt down. I believe it was morphine/anethesia let-down and hormones. I felt so depressed and scared. I called Phyllis(a WLS surgery patient and my best friend) and just bawled my eyes out. SHe talked me through it and it made me feel so much better. This journey isn't a perfect one for everyone, but I believe over time it will improve greatly for you. Just know that you have the love and support(to include prayers) from your fellow WLS family....all you have to do is call on us. Also, don't forget that you have the Minimees to lean-on also. We can have a meeting if you feel like you need some support or you can come to the regular scheduled meetings on the 1st & 3rd Tuesdays of the month. We'd love to see you there! Hugs, Tonya

Amen Barb! I am right there with you, period and all. I wish they would have removed my sense of smell when they did this surgery, its driving me insane! I cant wait until we both get through this and are able to go eat at places like JC's for pasta! One day, Barb, one day! Big hugs to you and I hope today is a good day for you! Kathy

Sweetie, I am so sorry you aren't doing better. It is rough, I admit. Your story brought back memories of my first few days home and it was really a hard time for both me and my family. My daughter-in-law insisted on cooking wonderful meals and the smell kept me nauseated the entire time. I finally told her what to cook so that it was something that wouldn't bother me. We actually got into an arguement about what THEY were going to have for dinner one night. Since I was to be on liquids for 3 whole weeks, I had a long morning period ahead of me! And everything I bought before my surgery that tasted wonderful, tasted like crap! My hormones gave me fits, so my *****O-METER was pegged in the red quite often. Hubby continued to ask if his head was on straight because I had ripped it off so often he felt he needed an alignment. We joke now wondering how he was even able to sit since I chewed his "butt off" on a regular basis. But we both read about these problems before I had the surgery and was prepared for it. He had already gone through the hysterectomy and hormone replacement therapy for me, so he felt he could handle a "second round". I try to equate this period to having a baby. Going through the birth process is absolutely horrible, painful, but necessary. Afterwards, you are so happy with the new life in your arms, you forget all about the pain. It is the same for me with my WLS. Yes, it was painful, yes I had a difficult time and minor complications, and yes....I WOULD DO IT AGAIN IN A HEARTBEAT! Make sure you keep a diary or journal and write down your feelings. Check back in a few months and just see if you feel the same. You may, but more than likely, you won't. This is a wonderful experience in all of our lives, but it is a learning process each of us must go through. No two people are completely the same, so no one can tell us "exactly" how we will feel after the surgery. But we can always be there to support and comfort when one of us needs that extra boost to get through the day. It is much better for you to post and let your new "family" help you during this time. And after you are on your way to recovery and enjoying the results of your surgery, you can return the favor to one of our other newcomers. I wish you the best success in your surgery. Look to the future and what it holds for you rather than dwell on the misery of today. It will pass. And use this forum as your sounding board whenever you need to hear a friendly helpful voice. Patti

Barb, I am so glad you posted what you have been through. First, because it helps to express it, second because we do care and third because others who are in the process need to know what can happen. I had no problems right after surgery, HOWEVER now I have been through the ringer. Still having issues and may be facing additional surgery. Would I do it again, ABSOLUTELY. I agree with the writer who spoke of this like child birth. I am size 4, 129 as of this am. I have energy (when I am not sick as a dog@!!! lol) I live my life. I try new things and have confidence that I didn't have before. As for the remorse part I had mine last month when I couldnt overcome the issues I was having. Why did I do this, Why did this happen to me..... Ya know I had to get up and go and remember what GOOD has come. So all I can say is we are all so different in how our bodies handle the major changes. It took time for us to get the way we are and it takes time for it to get to where we should be. Thank you for posting your private struggle and know we care and lift thoughts and prayers up for you daily. Lynn L

Barb: Thank you for taking the time to post your story. I am sorry that you have had such a rough time. I pray that mine won't be to bad. But I know that's not my decision. As you guys say "The Pouch" rules. I am scheduled for my surgery on June 15th. I know in the office visits the tell you all of the things that can happen (like Leaks) but, they don't go into depth about the other things like what you went through. I hope I will have the support that you have had during this time from people on this site. I know when I first started reading there were actually people asking if anyone had heard from you. I must say I am impressed with the way everyone tries to help each other. I sit and read the post and replys and learn something new everytime. I hope to hear from you and others as my day comes closer. I am a little nervous. Hope you great stronger and feeling better everyday!!!

Barb, I am so sorry to read that you have been having such a rough time with your surgery. I do agree with you that the surgeons should better prepare you for such things. But I can say that Dr. Hart left no stone unturned in explaining everything to us. He even went so far as to telling us that it could cause us to go into early menopause, plus all the mental anguish and anxiety that comes along with it....I thank God daily for directing me to Dr. Hart, I feel priviledged that I found such a competent doctor. I pray each day that my surgery will benefit not only my life but the lives of my family and of all those that come in contact with me. I trust that he put me on this path for a reason.I know that I am new to this journey and I pray daily that all of us will reap all the benefits that lie before us. I am praying that you will soon be up to par and will forget all the bad things that have happened and will push forward on this amazing journey with all of us. If you need a sounding board know we are all here for you. Although some of us have not suffered the things that you have we all still love you and pray that things will get easier for you. Take care and know you are in my prayers. Patrice