1 year reflections (Long)

My goodness I'm not sure where to begin. I guess by saying that today is a reflection of what I've lost, but also what I've gained. I've lost 280 pounds, but I've gained more out of life then I ever thought possible in just one short year. That's amazing to me. Who would have thought this time last year I would be 280 pounds lighter, have a new job (that I love), and have my independence back. I NEVER would have believed it and honestly I didn't. It's because of the continual support that I kept going and knew that if people like you could do this so could I. I went from someone who WAS a prisoner of her own home to a person who had been in prison for years and finally freed. I sat and watched everyone live their lives while I was dying. NO ONE deserves that and I thank God every day that he gave me a second chance at life. Now that I've been given my second chance I'm making it the best. I do things that are for my soul and my passion. My passion has always been to help others. When I was offered a job just to do that, I didn't let it pass me by. I'm now doing what I love the most and that's helping others see that you do have a reason to live and that you do have options. So many people think you have to live your life being unhappy, and unhealthy. This surgery was my get out of jail card. I've not reached my goal weight, but of course I never had a goal. My only goal was to get back into life. So if anything my goal has been reached, anything beyond that are bonuses. I can't stress to everyone going through your struggles and finally being blessed with surgery to count your blessings daily. I do even at 335 pounds. We take so much for granted. This journey has been about finding my self. I found that a number is just that, a number. What matters the most is driving my car, walking to the bathroom without feeling like collapsing, not worrying "can I fit there", being able to turn over in bed, shopping for clothes at a store in general, taking a shower (being able to stand up too!), cleaning my house, and just spending quality time with my husband without being tired all the time. I had two of the most defining moments in my life happen just this weekend. First, I had the pleasure of speaking at the Obesityhelp convention in New Jersey. I was scared to death about doing this. I've never been a public speaker. What do I know... There had been some problems with a DVD we were going to use so my whole prepared speech kind of had to be re-wrote in my mind, quickly. Well I'm proud to say that I got up there and did it. It was hard to do, but to see the emotion from the audience made doing this speech worth all my fear. My main message was to not let anything stand in your way of living. It was rewarding to me that my story helped anyone and knowing that I did just help ONE person made my heart fill with happiness. I can't thank enough Stacey, Sue and Joanne for being there to share that special moment with me and to be that supporting rock I needed. I'll be forever grateful to all of you. Second, after the event on the way back I let go. I let go of my past. How did I do that you might ask? I paid a special friend a visit. She is home bound like I was and the worse part is she had hardly any clothes. I took all my old clothes and gave them to her. I let them go, but her expression of so much happiness will always be a permanent memory for me. Knowing just how much those clothes were helping her made letting go so much easier. I saw my old self in her and I wanted her to know that she does have a reason to live and she doesn't have to be a prisoner anymore. My special friend I know will be reading this, so please know you are loved and you are a hero for enduring all that you have too. I've learned some lessons throughout this journey. I have gained friendships and have lost them. I think one of the saddest parts of my journey has been jealousy. I never believed that it could happen and unfortunately it did. I'm no better than anyone else in this world, I'm simply me, Amy Williams, the happy, healthy and positive person I will remain whether Super Obese or just Obese. I'm still me. Happy Re-Birthday me! I have new pictures on the botton of my profile. Here's a link to my pictures from New Jersey picturetrail.com/gallery/view?p=999&gid=7491417&uid=2704174 Amy 615/335/Healthy (-280lbs)

Amy!! You look ABSOLUTELY stunning!!!!!!!!!!!!! (LOVE the hair) I am sooooo proud OF you and proud FOR you!!! (BTW Kenneth looks great as well!) You have been such an amazing inspiration to everyone not just here on the Georgia board, or OH, but through television and people you don't even realize you have touched have felt your courage and strength. WE are the lucky ones, because we have had the great fortune of getting to KNOW you personally! God Bless You Amy Williams. Congrats on your re-birthday!! OH!!! And I can't sign off without the following: Happy Re-Birthday to YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU Happy Re-Birthday TO youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu Happy RE-BIRTHDAY DEAR AMMMYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY HAPPY re-birthday to youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu Luv ya GIRL! -Tami

Thanks so much Tami! Love you Amy

Way to go you bouth look very very good and l am very proud of you. So glad that all went well and you made it back ok. Love you'll Sarah

Sarah, Hi Sweetie! I hope you are doing well! I hope to see you this next week at the support meeting. Thanks for all your support. Amy

Sandra, I'm so happy to hear you will be getting help with your Lymphedema. Knowing I've helped just one person means the world to me. Be careful doing the message yourself you can cause on overload on your heart and it can cause congestive heart failure. Amy

Dearest Amy, You're words brought tears to my eyes. I feel like I have been a prisnor in my own flesh for so long. I am so very grateful to wake up to another day and be alive!!!! Even though I have not had this surgery yet and I have been fighting for many years to have the surgery, I still keep up with you're progress alot. After my father died in december, I lost alot of hope. I felt that I did'nt care any more, I did'nt care whether I lived or died. Now I have so much life to live and want to see my children marry and have their own children!! As of right now, I sit at home day after day with no friends, no family (except my twins who occationally come over to see me) I cannot leave my house, I feel way to grotesque and disgusting! I do however have hope that one day I will be free! I will be able to walk and play and run and not have to gasp for air, and not lay down at night and hope that I wake up the next morning. Amy, I really admire you're strenth. You are so lucky to have such a caring husband and loving family. I lost both parents and moved down to south georgia (from atlanta) to be with my twins who moved here to get closer to their father. I weigh around 420 and cannot walk or do alot, but you inspire me so much that I keep on hoping that one day I will really live!! Thank you Amy for you're strenth and inspiration. You deserve every wonderful thing that happends in you're life!! Donna

Donna, Thanks for your very kind words. Please know if you need a friend I'm here for you. I know what it's like to feel alone during this. Yes I did have my husband and that was a blessing, but I had no friends. You can always email me or even we could talk on the phone. Just know I'm here to help support you. Amy

Amy, you a such a REDHEAD. It looks absolutely GORGEOUS!. You just glow girl! Visit us on the Al board once in a while. I'm a natural redhead (always thought it was dirty blond until I had WLS) Now whn the lite hits it, it's ALL red. I wi**** was a lighter red tho'. I'm sooooo afraid to color it. I'm afraid it w/turn that awful dark "purple" color! Pat

Thanks Pat Amy