HELP! I SO need support....

I'm so damn frustrated I cant think straight. I am so excited about my upcoming surgery I could just SPIT....but... My hubby is so NOT into this....He's not excited about it at all like i wish he was. He thinks that he's being supportive by keeping the kids when i go to my doctor's appointments and meetings that have. We have been having problems anyway, the affection or something is just not there anymore---I feel so totally unattractive because I never get any sort of affection. He works nights so we're not even together that much- especially without the kids around. My friends and chat buddies are much more affectionate and concerned --- or at least appear to be. I sat down at the advice of a post-op patient the other day and wrote my girls a letter "just in case something happens" ..... and i was going to do hubby one - damn it man, i cant even write it without gettin all emotional and stuff. I feel unworthy. I am positive that this surgery is whats best for me and my family, but i cant convince him of it and i'm scared its going to push us even farther apart.... Part of me wonders---will he be more affectionate after I lose weight? If so---does that mean he was lying when he said that the lack of affection wasn't due to my being overweight? Gosh, i'm so frustrated. I just wanted my marriage to be one of those where you can walk into a room and the people around can tell that you're happy and still in love. I've been married 12 years....always said I would never even JOKE about divorce....but i'm wondering- is it inevitable? When I'm taking my effexor, nothing bothers me --- but i wonder---is that really good? I dont want to be living in la la land- I want to be able to live life to the fullest, taking in each and every detail. I dont want my kids to see mommy unhappy half the time. Dadgummit- This just sucks

I don't know what to tell you, But this surgery will have a positive effect on your life. My husband was always behind me 100% what ever I wanted to do. He said not to do the surgery for him because he loved me just like I was. Well, now he doesn't love me anymore than he did , but he sure is proud of me !! He tells me a dozen times a day how good I look. He wants me to go everywhere with him and go in stores and places so other people can see how good I look. Ha, I am a 57 year old woman and I'm sure other people don't think I look like a teenager !!! We've only been married for 6 years, so we say we're still on our honeymoon. I'm sure your husband is just nervous about the surgery and he will come around and really support you when you get closer to having it. Good luck, Judy

Hey Lisa! I'm Barb I can tell you others, including myself, know exactly where you are coming from. Hubby's problem is probably two-fold. One, hes probably very afraid of losing you during surgery, and two, hes probably afraid of losing you after you lose the weight, you are already very pretty. If you try and see things from his eyes it might give you an understanding of his indifference. Remember its ok not to agree on everything and if hes not completely saying no just get your support from where you can get it. All the rambling thoughts racing in your head I think are a normal part of this process. All part of the journey. Our surgery dates are within a few days of each other and I can tell you, you sound a lot like me. If you want to email back and forth and be support for each other please let me know. I think it would be great getting to know someone going through thru the same thing at the same time. As for the effexor, it does me the same way and I have even said the part about feeling kind of numb and not being able to cry since I've been on it, and wondering if it is a good thing or not. I'm seriously hoping not to go back on it after surgery. Anyway Lisa. I hope this post has helped. Its great seeing you post on here. Keep your faith strong. Gods Blessings, Barb

Lisa, I know it's not good to generalize, but...a friend met resistance from her hubby up until the day of her surgery. He went along with her but didn't like it one bit. After surgery, he has been her biggest supporter and fan...not because he likes her better now, but because he is VERY proud of her success. Just being a parent and having a hubby with the tough shift are strains on any marriage. Is there any way you two can have a date night or day each week or two? Starting those helped save our marriage many years ago. Hugs to you! Becky

Girl, I think you are VERY pretty at the weight you are, and you will still be pretty after the weight is gone, he will probably be jealious for a bit but that should go away with time. I am overweight myself and will be married 12 yrs in august and I am still happy and still in love and my hubby loves me no matter what. I am on effexor as well but it doesn't put me in la la land, hehehe, although nothing bothers me and I am scared of NOTHING, I have to take mine all the time there is no going off it for me. I wish you the best, Melissa