So, my life sucks.

I dont know what's going on with me. I am in such a funk. My gall bladder has to come out. I do not want to have surgery because I am scared I am going to be in pain when I go on Vacation Memorial Day week. I can not concentrate at work, I can't remember anything. I am on the biggest plateau ever. I gained 13 lbs when I was in the hospital the weekend before last and 5 of it wont go away. All of my friends have abandoned me. My friend Shannon is so screwed up in the head that I had to cut off contact with her. My friend Kati (the one who's always with me) has n o time for me now that she is dating a new guy (that's fine and all.. but come on!! one phone call?) When she's not stuck up his ass she's only concerned when it has something to do with her. If I have a problem that I need to talk about, she changes the subject. All of you now me. I'm not a complainer, I'm not a depressed person. But when I need someone to talk to, I would like a friend to be there. Of course me and my husband talk, but he doesnt want to hear my girl talk. I am so sick of being a friend for all of my friends and no one being a friend back. I deserve better than that but it still hurts to think that no one but Jason cares. I spent the weekend in the hospital and not one single friend called me. I called Kati and she started talking about her new guy. What a slap in the face. My other friend is wrapped up in parties and whatever 5 guys she happens to be seeing, and my other 3 friends have all devoted their energy to losing weight on their own and showing me that THEY don't need surgery or telling me how I dont understand their diets and excersize routine because I took the easy way out. I feel like my eating is out of control. I know it;s not.. maybe it's not. I dont know. I've gotten into grazing and I need to stop. I still feel like a fat ass. Yes, I know I can fit into my size 16's.. but I feel like I wont be happy with ANY size. SOmetimes I catch guys looking at me and I think "Omg.. they're looking at the skin or thinking about how fat I am." I know I'm happier with myself now, but i was happier in my head when I was 400 lbs. Atleast then my friends paid attention to me.

Awwwww..... {{{{{{Big Hugs}}}}}} People can be so hurtful sometimes and not even realize they do it. And this sucks big time. You'll come out of your funk soon, and when your friends get in their own funk, they'll come back... thats when it is fun to remind them how they treated you when you needed them. Now I know that isn't what a friendship is supposed to be about, but sometimes I just can't help myself. Try to cheer up.... we're right there with ya!!! Susan

KAY I UNDERSTAND ABOUT IN THE SLUMPS IVE GAINED 7 LBS SO I HAVE DECIDED TO GO BACK TO THE NUTRIENTIST TO SEE IF SHE CAN HELP ME. I UNDERSTAND ABOUT BEING UPSET ABOUT SURGERY I HAVE HAD 5 SINCE LAST MARCH AND ITS TAKEN ALOT FOR ME TO GET OUT OF BEING DEPRESSED. I JUST LOOK BACK AND SAY TO MY SELF I ALMOST DIED LAST MARCH YOUR ALIVE EHAT ARE YOU COMPLAINING ABOUT AND USUALLY IT WORKS FOR MYSELF. I STILL FEEL BIG AND I KNOW ITS ALL IN MY HEAD BECAUSE I HAVE 17 MECHANICS THAT REMIND ME EVERYDAY HOW SMALL I HAVE GOTTEN BUT THEY DONT UNDERSTAND OUR BRAINS HAVENT CAUGHT UP WHAT OUR BODIES HAVE DONE. SO STICK IN THERE IT WILL BE OK AND IF YOU NEED SOME TO TALK TO JUST CALL

Kay, Well for one thing a true friend would be there for you no matter what and the ones who are leaving you behind are probably jealous of what you have and they feel threaten of all the changes you've gone through. Congrats to you my friend! Don't ever let anyone make you feel the way you're feeling now. You deserve better! Love yourself first and if they can't then they don't love themselves and misery loves company if you know what I mean and you don't need to be a part of that. I worked 2 jobs for 20 years do not have many friends but the ones I do have we stay in touch from time to time. Sometimes life throws a lot of wrenches and everything goes by too fast! You need to stop and smell the roses. You should be proud of yourself and who cares what other people think! That's their problem! You've come along way baby! So when you're feeling blue; turn that frown upside down and look at the good things in your life, your husband, family, etc. And you do have friends, we're here whenever you need someone to talk too! My life is very hectic and its gonna be that way for a while because of work; but its not a bad thing. Just take it one day at a time; the past is dead and gone and the future is yet to be and the present is now! As for your gallbladder surgery, its a piece of cake. I had mine taken out 3 years ago. Only out of work 1 week, it was lascopic surgery. You've got nothing to worry about. So, smile my friend, you're loved and wanted. Take the time & think about where you have been and where you are now and you will come to see that you have achieved alot; be proud of yourself. Remember you will get through everything life throws at you and this too shall pass and one day you'll be like me and you'll roll with the punchs and laugh all the way! So Hang in there my friend and if need someone to talk or vent to; hey; email me at [email protected].

Kay, I would like to say give yourself a hug...... Girl you have to look at this long road you just traveled and you can see clear now. I honestly believe that friends come a dime a dozen? But we have to be our own friends first before we worry about others. I was just told last night that friends are like leaves...they are seasonal. When the season changes they turn and fade away. But real friends are roots and the roots are the ones we need to keep around. What I'm trying to say people get jealous of the progress that your making and instead of them saying girl you look good. They choose to be negative about your progress! I think you look very good and keep up the good work. Start to do things that you like to do with yourself you never know what root is out there waiting on you. Best of Luck! Lisha

(((((((((((KAY)))))))))))) I'm so sorry you're in a rut. Turst me I understand how those go. If you need a shoulder to cry on or a person to talk "Girl" talk with - e-mail me and I'll give you my contact information. I'll be happy to talk with you about things. I still feel the same way when anyone looks at me....I think "they're staring becuase I'm fat or the excess skin is gross looking" I never think that they could actually be thinking Im remotely attractive. We're here for you.....anytime you need us. We love you!!! I'm SERIOUS if you need someone to talk with - I'm here! ((((((Much )))))))))) Dee Dee

Kay, the guys are looking at you because you are a strikingly gorgeous lady. When I was about your age, I went through the "friend" thing. I married young, so most of my girlfriends were still thinking about guys when I was focusing on working, night-school, and paying the mortgage. I also see it at work with the younger women. As they get married and have babies, the friendships change. My point is: it's not YOU, remember that!!! Some of my friends from my twenties became pals again after our kids grew up. Now that grandbabies are being born, the separation is happening again. It doesn't hurt as much this time. We still love each other, but priorities change. It really is a cycle. If you need some reassurance, e-mail me and I'm your girl (old lady)! You rock, Kay!!! Remember that you are loved!!! Hugs, Becky

Girl, jealousy is an evil thing. Sounds like your "friends" are all suffering from it. As for Katy, I hate to say it, but when we were all hanging out at the bar, all she talked about then was herself. I thought, is she always like this? How does Kay put up with it? You're changing, your life is changing...some of the old people, habits and thought patterns won't (or don't need to) survive the transition. Now is your chance to make your life what you want it to be. Don't let your self esteem be wrapped up in your friends or what they think. You're the only one who can really make yourself happy... I hope I see you on Saturday! Kelle

((((((Kay))))))) Sometimes it just feels like things are going all wrong. Sorry to hear about the issues with your friends, maybe its because you are married and they are single, maybe its because you have given up your role as "the fat friend", maybe you are more concerned about yourself now and things you once put up with you arent willing to anymore, maybe they are jealous of your success with weight loss, maybe they are feeling less secure about themselves as you emerge into your new self, or maybe as Becky pointed out, as we cycle through life our priorities change constantly. Whatever the reason(s) dont let yourself get brought down by it, you have come too far! You cant depend on others for your emotional health, it has to start from within. As for seeing yourself as still fat, apparently your brain hasnt caught up with your weight loss, b/c you are looking good girl! You always have us girls on the board and you can email me anytime if you need to talk. Hang in there and hope to see you on Saturday at lunch. Kelly S

Kay, I truly understand what you are going through, I spent my holidays (christmas and new years) in the hospital from having my gallbladder removed. I also gained 17 lbs in the hospital and still have 10 of them. Boy did it put me in a funky mood. So funky that I had nothing postive to say about anything, but my grandbaby. Now for those fair weather friends....Kati will return to be her old self once she find out that men comes a dime a dozen but real friends are forever. Just my two cents. You take care of yourself. Ms.Thang