Can't seem to get a break....

I really need to vent.... and maybe more... I am separated but live with my wife and her 2 kids... sound wierd?... well, I'm fat, she's fat, and it saves money and taxes and insurance and all that and it has worked for over 5 years... "worked" may be too strong a word... we are roommates, no affection, barely civil toward each other... I fix stuff, she deals with the teenage girl stuff, etc... I was self employed but a couple of years ago I decided that it would be better if I rejoined mainstream America and just got a regular job... instead of working out of my house... figured this was a good start toward my eventual goal of pulling my self up by my boot straps and getting my health and life back... so I started working full time. I had applied for SSI disability and had been denied (of course) and just let the lawyers work on it after that... and went to work. I recently received an award from SSI for that period and decided to use the money, plus my wifes insurance, to get the surgery. All is well right? Of course not... Last night she is ragging on me about using the money to buy the ungrateful little monsters new cars... and trust me, these kids are ridiculous... they have everything under the sun, never earned any of it, and never even said a single thank you for any of it... and they both have very nice cars but want something nicer and a different color.... keep in mind they are 18 and 17, and the just-turned-17 year old is pregnant. To top things off, the "wife" tells me she wants me to leave. Great... except that I am pretty sure that will screw up any chance to get the insurance since it is her insurance through her employer. My insurance wont pay unless you have worked for them for 5 years... As much as I would love to leave this nightmare I have been stuck with for the last 5 years I want the surgery... I have about 18 grand saved but if I have to move that will get eaten up with buying furniture, utility deposits, and on and on.... This woman has sabotaged every effort I have ever made to lose weight and get a life.... and when I think I have found a way to do it anyway she pulls the rug out from under me anyway.... Ah well..... this has been a drag indeed.... and I would be lying if I said I wasn't very discouraged.... Thanks all for listening.... I don't have anyone else to pour my heart out to.... and I do appreciate it.... I am a leader type personality and it is very unusual for me to be sitting here totally undecided as to what I am going to do....

Hi Marc! I'm sorry to hear things aren't falling into place more easily for you. What a drag! I wish I had some magical advice, but I don't. All I can say is that I'll pray an answer falls your way. In the meantime, maybe you can throw yourself into getting ready for surgery. Start a diet of sorts (see Rachel at Hart's office--she's pretty helpful!) and get on an exercise program. The stronger you are and the more weight you've lost on your own, the smoother surgery is likely to go and the faster you'll lose afterward. (okay--this is what they've told me, anyway--) I'm trying to follow this advice as I wait on my date--but it IS tough. Obviously if we wer super good at losing weight, we wouldn't be looking for surgery, huh?! (me, anyway!) But the point is, I'm trying--and it makes me feel better about myself just to do that much. I don't know much about self-pay---but I did read somwhere that surgeons will often deeply discount self-pay. What they quote as their fee for surgery isn't what they get from Insurance (which pays a much smaller amount as we all know)----and someone said their surgeon (don't know which one) just charged them what the ins. company usually pays. MIght be worth checking onto! Good luck! Michelle

MARC THERE ARE SEVERAL DOCTORS THAT I KNOW THAT HAVE A FINACING SYSTEM I KNOW THAT PEACTREE SURGICAL HAS IT CALL THEM IF YOUR CREDIT IS GOOD I THINK YOU SHOULD GO FOR IT. I LEFT MY HUSBAND OVER THIS SURGERY AND IM THE HAPPIEST I HAVE EVERY BEEN. SO IF YOU NEED THERE PHINE NUMBER EMAIL ME AT [email protected] THEY ARE A GREAT PRATICE. YOU CAN WATCH DR DUNCAN ON FOX FIVE NEWS ON THURSDAY MORNINGS BETWEEN 8-8:30 IN THE MORNING THE MAN IS BRILLANT.

Marc, Sorry to hear about your dilemma of being asked to move out; however, but if you move out won't you still be covered with her insurance? You don't need her approval to use the insurance if you are covered under her policy. You should be covered under her policy until she makes a change and usually that can only be done during open enrollment times. If I were you, I would continue to pursue having WLS by talking to my PCP and starting my test so that the insurance can pay for as much as possible before and if she decides to drop you from her carrier. At least that part would be billed to the insurance. Who knows.. maybe she would never drop you and all of it would be covered. I also would cease conversation with her totally regarding WLS. The next time she would see you .. you would be a loser! That is what I would do.

Marc, just one other thing to think about. If you've been dealing with this for 5 years, could a few more months hurt? Go forward to get ready for the surgery... have the testing done, etc. It's a lot to do, but it can be done quickly. I had visits and testing done with pulmonologist, cardiologist (including 1 day in the hospital for a heart cath), nutritionist, psychologist, two visits with my PCP, x-rays, blood work, upper GI and gallbladder ultrasound all done within 3 weeks. Then you'll be in a position to submit it to your wife's insurance for approval, which usually takes 2-4 more weeks. During that time I would consult with an attorney (rather than just this board!) to find out what your options are regarding putting that SSI money into a separate account, etc. Also, you need to find out about requiring your wife to maintain you as an insured on her policy for so long as you are legally married (including the time frame that any legal proceedings may be going on). A lawyer is going to be able to give you some advice that will help you make better decisions that will both protect your insurance coverage AND decide whether/when to move out, etc. God give you wisdom and patience through the process! Cheryl

Hi, I have emailed you off the board, good luck, Barbara

Stick to your guns, Marc. You have a right to use your settlement for your health without guilt. Your wife is probably a little jealous of this opportunity. I would be very quiet about the surgery and proceed full speed ahead. I don't think I would move out. Five years...what's a few more months? I'm not well-known for my sage advice since I tend to shot from the heart, but we're here for you, Sir. Sincerely, Becky

For all the support.... Looks like we have a sort of truce for now... I am hoping I can just be left in relative peace so I can continue to achieve the goal of getting this surgery and getting a new life.... I guess we'll see..... hope for the best and be prepared for the worst I reckin.... Big ol wet smooches to all you wonderful ladies.... you really make me feel so much better!