Dear Compulsion,
Dear Compulsion,
You and I have a long and sordid history with one another. In my times of celebration you were there, center stage for all of the world to see; not only on my plate but on my body as well. In my times of sorrow and loneliness you were there; you lead me to believe that relief from my misery could be found at the end of a roll of cookies, at the bottom of a container of ice cream, or even with a spendy purchase that I really didn't need. While I did find delight in the sense of immediate gratification--- my joy did not last. In the long run your consistent urging towards self seeking behaviors only served to tear me down; guilt, self-loathing, shame, self-consciousness, and genuine hatred towards myself became all that I knew... my reality-- my own self imposed prison of contempt.
I have to say that while your presence in my life has been painful and self-destructive... it also has also been rewarding. I must thank you for giving me a much needed bottom. Standing alone in the deep dark hole that I had dug for myself I had little choice but to look up. Without that darkness I would have never been able to appreciate the light.
However, it is time that you and I part ways. I no longer need you in my life; I have found what I was missing all along:
- a connection to my body
- a connection to my mind
- a connection to my spirit
- and a connection to my Higher Power
With my new found connection to all that is Divine-- I am able to be healthy, honest and strong.
Today, I make the choice... the choice to release the ties that bind you and I. I cut them, I drop them, and I release them back into the Earth so that your toxicity can be filtered, changed, and sent back out into the cosmos to aid someone else.
I am free--
free to be happy, healthy and whole---
I am free to live, laugh, love, and create without limits and for that I am ever thankful.
Brightest Blessings--
