Stressed....

Hello all, I need to vent. I have been battling since Oct of last year to get this surgery approved which finally happened June 2, surgery date 6/22/04. Well tonight has been bad, I feel very emotional. My spouse works nights so he isn't here so I thought who better to talk too then you all. I'm 29 with 2 boys, I'm a RN with ICU experience, so I know all to well what can happen with and without this surgery which is one of the biggest things that got me researching this surgery. I didn't want to die young from health problems or end up in a nursing home at an early age unable to care for myself. Ok besides all the normal issues that are bothering me, the kicker right now is my parents backing out on me. They were suppose to come down to help with my kids and all I asked for was help the day of surgery and maybe the day after. Over and over again they told me they were coming and once again they have cancelled on me. Once again meaning they have never, ever been there when I needed them and for some reason it ha**** me hard this time. I thought I had toughened up over the years,but for whatever reason this has caused so many feelings to surface. I just don't understand.... I called my husband at work but he's busy but he said he'll call them tommorow and try to talk them into coming. Part of me wants him to and the other part of me screams no because they weren't their for either of my preganacies which were induced due to complications, or when I was readmitted after delivery due to infection the hospital readmitted my baby as we had no one to help out, I was in the hospital in 2001 for stomach pain for 8 days, they don't work, 50 yrs old, and they brought my kids to the hospital and left them with me after my husband went to work saying they didn't feel like watching them. And I can go on and on.. I just want them to be there for me, for my kids and husband just once, am I asking to much? how can I get past this and just let it go? What is wrong with me? I want to be happy about my surgery date but now I'm really down.. Is this normal?? thanks for listening, and really this isn't like me at all! Michelle 6/22/04 open rny ocala regional

Michelle, I feel so bad for you. You have so much already to stress about getting ready for surgery, you dont need more. I am so sorry your parents arent stepping up to the plate to help you out for those first few days. I didn't need too much help but I also didnt have kids to contend with. I cant offer much advice but it sounds like you need to let your folks know that you really need them here. I assume your parents dont know how limited your activity will be those first few days. If you are anything like me, it is hard to ASK for help, but this may be the perfect opportunity to do just that. Have your husband call them. Even if they can just entertain the kids for those first days out so you can focus on your recovery. I hope it all works out Amy

I really feel for you. It would be hard to accept that some people (family included) are so uninterested at such a special time in your life. I am sure that things will work out for you, I believe that with a tiny seed of hope and faith that things do work out. It may be that you will not need them - perhaps your help will come from a friend. or to me on the silly side. Just remind them to be nice to their daughter because you may be the one to pick our their nursing home in the future and you could be as kind and caring as they are being for you. Either way - please vent, you will feel better, just remember that you are a special person and this will work out for you. Just believe.

Hi Michelle! You're definitely not asking too much of them! I live in Jacksonville with my parents. My Mom will be 60 in October and she still babysits my 2 nieces and nephew 5 days a week. They always spend a night on the weekend too! They love their Nana & Papaw. If it's not too far of a drive and your boys wouldn't be too nervous about staying here, we could keep them for you the day of your surgery and the day after. We have a guest room with a double bed and a Florida room full of toys. How old are they? Just let us know if we can help!!! God Bless, Erika L

this is OT but is your doc Jawad?

Lynn, her surgeon is Overcash.

Well. They STINK!!! THis is a rather strong email.....so watch out!!! According to the counceling I've had there are many reasons they might "opt out" Fear of what will happen to you being the biggest. On the other hand, one of the reasons many of the morbidly obese overeat is because food won't leave us. Family and friends always have. So, maybe they are blaming themselves. Regardless of the reason for the entirely inappropriate action, you need to talk to them. Explain how they are letting you down. That being a family is more then words. It is showing love and supporting the lives within the family. Last year I had to have similar conversation with my sister. My mother refused to talk to me because I had no right to be mad at her. Well, we are grown women with our own families, we need to take care of ourselves, so we can take care of our families. I know it is short notice, but can someone else watch the children and help out for a week or 2. You obviously can't count on your parents. Try to make alterative plans and the next time you need help..... don't ask them. Don't accept thier help. You have been shown it won't be there. I know I am taking a very hard line here. I also don't know all of the back story here. But I have been there and I know how painful it is. PLease look at some counseling when you have time and funds. I couldn't get a handle on it by myself. I would also offer to come and help with the kids.. (I'm a teacher and I'm on summer break) but I am one week post op and I know that would be impossible for me to do. You will be in my thoughts. I am sending you strength. If you want to email me....please feel free. Kathy

Hello Michelle, I am sorry for the way your being treated... I am staying with my parents and have been since Janurary of this year. My dad is taking me over 600 miles to have surgery, staying in a motel and then I am staying for 2 weeks with him there for my post op Dr. appt. in the mean time my 65 year old mom is at home with my two boys. It is not at all to much to ask of your parents. It sounds like they need some help and learn the meaning of family. I wish I could do something for you. I will say many many prayers for you and if you have Faith it will all work out, you have to believe and never give up. You and your husband see if you have neighbors that might help whild your husband is at work or any other family members. I wish you lived closer I would be there in a flash and save the day. Try and hold your head high, it will all work out. Some how some way. We are a family here, see if you know anyone here in your area that might help.. Robin ~

Michelle, You cannot change other people. Your parents have said they do not want to watch your kids while you have surgery, do you really want your husband to talk them in to it? What happens if he does, and the day of surgery they drop the kids off with you again, that's the last thing you need. My suggestion is to find someone else. Try another family member, a friend, a member of your church, or if there are no other options, try a day care for a couple of day. Day care during the day and daddy takes care of them at night. There has got to be another option, something better than leaving them with someone who dosen't want them. Good luck.

Hey Michelle, I understand how you feel. That really make me mad. I live in Tallahassee and wish that I could help you. I have three girls ages 15,13,12 and I will need someone to see after them when I have my surgery too. I wouldn't worry about it, just pray and ask GOD to help you in the situation. It will all work out. I'm sorry for your hurt, but continue to do what you need to for your health. Remember, we all love and support you. Cathy