No support

I'm without any support people in my life with regard to my decision to have this surgery. I had no idea until today. My father is the one who has recommended this surgery to me. Twice, in fact. My best friend is against it. My stepmother was overly verbal about it, as was my father, this morning. I reminded him that he was the one who told me about this surgery in the first place. He actually had the nerve to tell me he didn't think I could handle the experience and if I didn't shovel 50 pounds of food in my mouth per day I wouldn't have this problem. I felt such shock and dismay after hearing this..only moments ago, that I just don't know what to make of it. Dr. Baum, the psychologist, has impressed upon me the importance of having a supportive family and now as it's getting closer to the time of surgery people are coming out of the woodwork with their true feelings. They aren't the type of people who would take the time to read information on it so sending them educational brochures won't work. They've taken the position of actually being angry that I'm having this surgery. It's odd. Well, maybe not for my family. LOL.. none the less, it's upsetting. They are calling it a "quick fix". I dont' view it as that, at all. I see it as a tool and a second chance at an active life. Of being able to actively participate in my life as well as in that of my children. I can't do this alone. Marcy, Tampa

Marcy, Embrace the hurt and anger you have right now and channel it into determination for a better life in the future. If they don't support your decision, that is THEIR issue, not yours. That doesn't mean they aren't going to be there for you when you go into the hospital or afterwards. If they love you, they will be there for you regardless of your decision. They are just in the dark of how hard your life is today and until they walk a mile in your shoes, they really dont have any right to tell YOU how to live YOUR life. Fear of the unknown is always a big reason and people will try to talk you out of the surgery, plus they always remember the one bad story they heard or saw about WLS. You know what the risks are and you know the hard work you will face after surgery...focus on the goal, not the journey and in the end, I think they will come around. We're here for you Amy Surgery date 6/02

We do not have WLS for our family, but for ourselves! Perhaps their fears of the unknown is too much for them to deal with. That is their issue, not your's. You want to focus on your needs, your health and the quality of life for yourself and your children. As Amy said, they will be there for the surgery and to help you after. If you feel that they will not, let your doctor know now, he can arrange for an after care/rehab home for the first week or so. Besides, we are also your family in spirit and mind. We also walk this path with you. We are here, pour out your feelings, it always helps. Good luck Luv Marla

Thank you, Marla. This forum has been so helpful. M

Thank you, Amy. I know you're right and I appreciate you taking the time to write. Pretty recently, a woman wrote about the lack of support she was getting from her mother-in-law and at that time I didn't really see the great importance about whether or not the Mother in law approved. When the people you interact with on a regular basis act in a disapproving manner toward something so personal and important to your health and well-being as this surgery, it's not easy to push aside. I hope the reply I sent to the woman with the M-I-L was as kind as the one you posted for me. Thank you. Marcy, Tampa

Dear Marcy, My heart and prayers are with you.. This is going to be a hard time, I can tell you from experience. You know how it feels to live the life obese and it sucks. I have two boys and the thought of being healthy, active and living a long life with them makes my heart feel the good side of this surgery. I have 1/2 of my family that understands and agrees with me, and the other 1/2 who thinks I am completely nuts and looking for the "easy way" out. ..I have done my homework and found out the pros and cons. It is hurtful when your loved ones are not there for you, I will pray for them to come around. You just keep learning about this surgery and keep in touch with the WLS family you have here. There have been times I wanted to just break down and say on you win I am not having it, but I know deep down in my heart I am doing the right thing weather my family agrees or not. I can't wait to live a healthy life again. Maybe once your family has time to take all this in and they start asking questions that you know the answers to they might come around. But if not remember in the long run why and who your doing this for. We here are a family and I have seen it over and over again us being here for one another. If you ever need a person to talk to for anything at all... e mail me privately and we can talk more. Having my e mail buddies here has helped so much Keep your head help high and know we are here for you Robin

im not eaxactly sure what to say or what to do to take away the hurt... but know this... they are probley scared and in the same time jelous of you... YOU do this surgery for YOU and the way it will effect YOUR life...you will do fine.. every morning.. look at your beautiful kids and know your life will be better.. you can do my girl... be brave

Thank you, Alexa. Your words are healing. Marcy

Marcy, I can understand how awful it must feel for you right now. I am not even going to tell my family until after it's over, but I can get away with that because I'm single. I will leave specific instructions on my desk in case I die, but they won't know about the surgery until AFTER the fact. The reason I'm not telling them is that the entire bunch are completely negative about everything and would just ridicule me for a "stupid" decision. I can hear it now!! It would be just like your "shoveling 50 lbs. of food" remark and would hurt just as much. You do need support though, so get it here with us, your cyber friends. I know it's not the same, but maybe you'll have the opportunity to tell your family that you think it's a shame that you can't depend on your family to stand behind you and ask them to keep quiet with their negative comments on a decision that belongs to you. I do wish you the best!!! ~Jan

Jan, What a good idea. That's what I should have done. You're a smart cookie. Do you have a surgery date, yet? You can count on me to be there for you. Let me know. M