negativity from mother in law

Hi all, I am currently in the last phase of my testing to get the RNY procedure and my Fiance of many many years is just starting his journey. Well he and his mother attended a WLS seminar last night. When he got home his mother called and had NOTHING positive to say about the procedure, I just wanted to scream at her!! Plus she is obese herself, she is about a size 22. I couldnt believe how she was with him on the phone, she made comments about a guest speaker which was 1 1/2 yrs post-op and how bad she looks. This woman used to go to work on a electric scooter because she coulnt walk. I am just so frustrated with her perspective about this WLS. My fiance and I both need to loose around 150lbs or more. I am not looking forward to mothers day this weekend at her house, please give some real advice. thanks-Christy

Christy, Her negativity is probaly fear. Just keep your chin up and she'll be fine. Remember you are you in side and out, don't let that woman make you pout. Best to you. tina

Christy, Please remember that the life you and your fiance have is your own. Your mother-in-law is afraid for you both and herself. But do not let that stop you both from making your lives better if that is what you both want. I hope that the two of you make your final decisions by yourselves and for yourselves. I will keep you in my thoughts and prays. Do not let others make your choices. You might let your mother-in-law know you appreciate her concerns and that if she does not agree that is fine. After all that is her choice. God Bless , Gail

christy, i have that problem with my whole family they are afraid of losing me because i had a friend that died she weighed 650 pounds, i think it was a last choice for her she couldn't even lay in a bed to sleep because it would smother her heart. so she didn't have a life the way she was so i feel like she's finnaly free. no more pain. we all know the risks we are told over and over again, but what kind of life are we living now? it's our bodies and we have to make our own choices in our lives. i'm looking forward to being healthy and have energy we have to look at the possitive things this can do for us and not the negitive. maybe she's a little jelious. hang in there theres a lot of prayers going out for both of you. brenda

Christy, Hey there. First of all don't let your mother-in-law get you down. I think that maybe one day you and your fiance need to just sit down seperately with her tp explain to her how important this WLS is to the both of you. And how important her support is right now. My inlaws are at times very judgemental and even rude. However they don't mean to be and sometimes don't even realize what they are saying hurts someone's feelings. I have been thinking about this surgery for five years and seriously persuing the surgery for two years. When I first mentioned the idea of WLS to my sis-in-law she was VERY negative about it. Going as far as to tell me that it was "the easy way out". I was so hurt and upset. I couldn't understand how someone who was also obese could say that to me. My mother-in-law also took the same attitude. I didn't contact them for a few days. Finally, one day my husband called them and they wanted to know why they hadn't heard from me. So I got on the phone and I told them that I realized that everyone has a right to their own opinions, but it doesn't mean they have a right to be negative to me and hurt my feelings. That this was the time in my life where I was going to need their support more than ever. Eventually they did their own research and also discovered that a few of their closest friends had had the WLS. So now a days if they have concerns or questions about the surgery they ask instead of making assumptions. Karee

If there is one thing I can say about my family, it's that they always see the dark side of ANYthing!! They are negative, judgemental and critical and I see those traits in myself as well. I have NO plans to talk to them about the surgery until JUST before I have it done and I'm only doing that because I'll need a ride to and from the hospital. I wish you well this weekend and I guess you'll just have to be strong and tell your mother-in-law that you don't want to discuss WLS if she is going to be negative. It's your decision and your life. Good luck!! ~Jan