Depressed

Wildcat Lady
on 4/6/04 5:27 am - Jacksonville, FL
I have been researching this on my own for the past couple of years. I went to a seminar for Dr. Overcash last night and was so excited about embarking upon this journey, that I made an appointment for next Monday! I had talked to my lil sis about this, and she let me know she supports me and is even going to try to come down from out of state (KY) to help me after I have surgery (hoping I get approved). I had a hard time making my boyfriend understand that I need to do this for myself. He just kept saying, try another diet. He came with me last night and finally understood. However, my problem is my mother. I called her to talk to her about it, and she said "I totally disapprove" I was crushed! I thought she would want her daughter to be healthy and LIVE! All she said was, well it's your body, but I don't approve! Has anyone else had this problem and how did you deal with it?
guiagal
on 4/6/04 5:51 am - Lake City, FL
Your mom is not living in your body or your life. If this is important to you than you need to do what is in the your best interest. Your mom may never approve of this surgery and you should not make your decission based on your mom. My parents do not approve of what I do either and I have spent the biggest part of my life trying to please them, only now I need to please me and I knew if I did not get this surgery I would not be around to please anybody. Before you have the surgery you need to get all of the negatism out of your life and if that means your mom than she has a couple of choices, she can support you and cheer you on or maybe you should limit your contact with her. I know this sounds harsh, but when it comes down to it, what is important. How would she feel if she was burying her daughter knowing that there was a way that would have helped you to live? This is serious, you are not talking about her life you are talking about your life. And yes, I did put my parents are the bottom of my contact list because they were not supportive, I want to live and if they could not support me, than I will do it without their support but I am going to do it.
Kathy S.
on 4/6/04 6:15 am - Port Orange, FL
Kim, I can totally relate. Only I thought my husband would be the problem. But he is supporting me in this. My mother on the other hand, didn't want me to do it in the first place, but she finally came around. Sometimes mothers have funny way of showing it, but they do care. I remember a few years ago when I got pregnant with my daughter... the first words out of my mother's mouth were "my god, Kathy, don't you think you're fat enough?" I will never forget it. But now she says she never said it... anywho... our mother's are our toughest critics and my mother is the mother of them all! But like I said, she finally came around, but I already had my mind made up so it didn't matter anyway. I was doing this for myself and for my 4 year old daughter. Mostly for myself, but I want to be around to play with and chase after my daughter. The only advice I can give you is to keep away from the negative people, if you can at all avoid her, then do it. Yes I know she is your mother, but you need support right now, not negativity. I'm sure you've done other things in the past she didn't approve of... just know that you are doing a wonderful thing for yourself and she'll see just how healthy you are and she will know you made the right decision. My mother is even now making plans to come down and help with my daughter while I recuperate and my husband is at work. Good luck to you and keep us posted... just remember... you were not put on this earth to please other people. And the fact that she is your mother leads me to think she doesn't approve because maybe she is really worried. Maybe you could include her in some of this, like doctor appts or support meetings. Good luck! Kathy~
SimplyRedHead
on 4/6/04 9:37 am - Longwood, FL
Kim, I agree with all that the others have written. If at all possible have your mom go to a support group or info session or even your doctor's appt. That seems to be a catalyst for many who have heard the horror stories or rumors about the surgery to help turn their feelings around. Good luck to you and keep moving forawrd, your mom will appreciate the new you when you have your health and energy back. Amy
Lexa321
on 4/6/04 9:41 am - weston, FL
hay.... i kinda know what your talkin about... execpt my mom is emabarresed to have a fat daughter and she will do whatever it takes for her not to look bad.... i wish you the best on your journey... and remember.. thsi is for YOUR life not hers... be brave Lexa
Wildcat Lady
on 4/6/04 11:28 am - Jacksonville, FL
Thanks! Unfortunately my mom and I live in different states therefore I couldn't get her to go to any appointments or support groups with me. I think I'm going to get some info together for her and mail it to her with a letter and see how that goes.
Margaret F.
on 4/6/04 1:37 pm - (7-07-04)
Kim, You don't need your mom's approval for a medically necessary surgical procedure. She is just afraid you will die. This is how alot of our loved ones are reacting without really coming out and saying the truth of how scared they really are. Fear is the real reason she says she disapproves. Ask her the "real" reason she disapproves? Approval you don't need from her, SUPPORT is what you need. Make it clear and set the boundries with her. You don't need this kind of stress on yourself before you even start your journey. Good Luck and I'll say a prayer for you. Margaret
Micmomof3
on 4/6/04 11:51 pm - Jacksonville, fl
Hey there Kim, Keep your head up. I am sure your mother does want a healthy daughter, but at the same time she is probably scared to death something will go wrong. My mother is also very scared and although she is supportive she would prefer me NOT to have the surgery and has voiced this. I understand where she is comming from, but at the same time I want to do this to live longer. I am sure your mother will come around, give her some time to get used to the idea. No parent wants their child hurt, so she will hopefully be there for you in the end. Michelle
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