unsupportive husband!

I was just wondering if there are any husbands that were unsupportive of your decision to have wls? My mother and I have finally found Briactric doctors that accept our insurance and we're eager to get the process started. Our only problem is our husbands. My father refuses to let my mom have anything other then the lapband done, my husband also. It's our bodies not their's. How did anyone deal with their husbands on this subject? I don't care what my husbands says, but i just want to know how to deal with their stubbornness. How can i help them to understand this and to accept it? I want to move on into my new life with having the wls. Please i need some help on this. Thanks alot for all the help and support anyone's willing to offer. :)

Brandy

Give them the research on all the WLS performed. Let them see the stats for themselves. Fortunately, my husband was amazingly supportive for my band and my revision to the VSG.


If they'll only "allow" the band, give them links for all the people that have had complications. If you are a member lapbandtalk.com print off the thousands of complication threads. Education is power.

When my husband and I first started discussing it, he was concerned. But, I simply told him, it's either I have surgery and get healthy or I die early from one of the many co-morbidities. I told him about my family history of heart disease, high blood pressure, and strokes. It didn't take much for him to understand that I HAD to do something other than Weigh****chers and Nutri-System or Atkins or any of the tried and failed diets I had been on for years.

Thank you Tiffany. My husband knows all my family health problems. He's very blind to this not very open minded about wls. My father feels the same way. It's all about WILL POWER they say. You have to have "WILL POWER" in order to be able to lose weight not wls. I just can't believe how close minded they are about something that can help me live a longer healthier life. My mother was already told by her doctor that if she keeps up the life she's living now, that she wont be around another 5 yrs. if that long. Her doctor told her that wls will be very benificial to her health. I just cant seem to make them listen. I've asked them both to please research wls before they make up their minds. My father has it in his mind that the complications and risk are alot more higher then her living the way she is now. I look at it this away, If i was to have a heart attack or i needed heart surgery, they would want me to have to save my life. Well wls can help me save my life. I've finally found a bariactric surgeon who takes my mediciad, and i'll be damn if i let them interfer with my decision. My mom feels the same way. I can't stand to see my mom the way she is. She can't even walk in the grocery store at all she has to take the dunbuggy. This isn't my mom, she was never one to sit around and not do something for herself. thanks for the support. :)
Brandy

  I hope it all turns out well.....


My family is 110% behind me and even though they know, since I am the cook, that there eating habits will also change ...

They are open to a healthier lifestyle and support me all the way with "bettering myself"

My family has had a sample of healthier cooking with my eating habits changed to prepare for surgery... you will need will power in a house that will not understand your diet changes.. you will not be able to eat like they do after your surgery...and that is going to be a huge challange for you! but you are doing this for YOU.. And you will have to be strong and overpower the presure.. seems like it would be like having to quit smoking while there is someone blowing smoke in your face! I hope when you have a weak moment you reach out to your friends here for support, I will give you my cellphone number if you need it!! Cause once you have a weak moment and no support at home things can turn fatal... "go on honey have that slice of pizza" NOOOOOO stuff like that can be fatal the first month or so after surgery (so I have read!) ... I am worried about you already!!!

Maybe hubby is scared your going to leave him when your get your 150 pound smoken hot body you'll leave him for some sexy 20 something landscaping guy! hahahahah My guy already has told me this.. lol


I am looking forward to meeting Dr. Ben David today!!

Why do you feel you need your husband's permission to have the surgery?  You can do this with him or without him.  Yes, it would be nice to have his support but if not then make up your own mind and do what you think is best for your health.  Once you know what you want to do and your doc is on board, you could have him speak with your surgeon.  But it is your choice.

Red

 I agree Brandy, Luckly my b/f is so supportive to let me drive six hours to gainesville in the morning to attend Dr. Ben Davids class!


Congrats on your approval! He is going to totaly love the new you.....so will you!

Hi Nora, how did the seminar go? Did you like the Dr. Ben-David? I'm so happy for you that you were able to find a surgeon who takes Medicaid. I'm so happy that it's the same Dr. that takes my medicaid share of cost. So we will both be going to the same Dr. I'll be going on Nov. 10th. My husband will be going with me. He woke me up yesterday morning wanting to talk to me about wls. He said he's with me all the way. He's very proud of me for wanting to take such a huge risk by wanting to get this weigh off me. He said that yes he is scared of losing me, but he also knows how unhappy I am, and he's watched me for the past 10yrs. struggle with my weight loss. He's agreed to hear what the surgeon has to say, but feels that the lapband is safer. I told him that it's gonna be up to the dr. and I to make. The Dr. knows what will be best. Good Luck in your journey to a new you!! I'm here if you need me.

Also Thank YOU all for the support and advice you all have given me. You guys are great. I think I was so upset and hurt that my father and my husband couldn't support me the other day, that i got really upset and didn't take the time to think about their feelings. But, now both of them are supporting both my mother and I so it all worked out in the end.
Brandy

Brandy, this can be done without your husband's support, but it will be much more difficult.  He can literally sabotage your progress; and make what should be a wild, fun filled, ride of your life, miserable.  So my advice is for you to try and get him on your side first.

First find out what his main objections are to your surgery of choice; is it money, is it post-op problems, or post-op life style changes.  Then educate him on why your choice is a better choice, not only for you but for your family.  Let him know why the band is not right for you.  Try to get him on your side first.  If he won't listen and you have to do it alone, know that it will be much harder.

Hi Brandy
Let them read the revision boards here on OH and then take them to the RNY/DS/Lap band forums and then see what they think.

It is really your decision but I do understand you wanting their support also. 

Wings

tell them that you guys are having the lapband and go ahead and have the rny.  this is a major decision and they should not have any say in what procedure you get.  If you get the band and later need a revision to rny, you will only blame them and that is a great recipe for disaster.  to hell with them, tell them what they want to hear and do what you gotta do!!