When your family doesn't support your decision...

Ok... well, I seem to have a little problem. My mom and I along with my best friend and aunt went to the information session yesterday with Dr. Wizman, because he requires you to do this before you can start anything. Well, everything went smoothly until we got home and my cousins got on the phone with my mom and told her that I would die before her, I would age quick, I would be malnutritioned, and basically just bulls@#t!! So now she has changed her mind and is firm with her decision not to support me on this decision. My mom and I are best friends, she has always been there for me and has most of the time been supportive! But now she isnt, any suggestions on what to do! thanks!

I'm sorry to hear your family doesn't support you. This will make your journey more difficult emotionally, and potentially physically - you might need help after surgery and you will certainly not need people sabotaging your weight loss efforts or making you sick with the wrong foods. Your cousins need to butt out, number one - this is YOUR life, not theirs. Have you done a lot of research? I found some pretty compelling statistics during my research and used those to help my non-supportive friends understand. One of my girlfriends was VERY resistant to this surgery, even going as far as to tell me that she didn't feel that God was giving her peace about it and questioning my firm belief that God had helped me get through what parts of the preop process I had and that God had helped me find a really wonderful surgeon and led me to a very supportive and friendly support group. Of course, these are my personal beliefs and I'm not trying to impose them upon you.. but when I sat her down and asked her why she didn't want me to take a desperate measure to fix a desperate problem, her basic problem was preconceived notions and ignorance. She had only heard of the OLD wls procedures performed in the 70's and 80's and all their complications. I had to educate her about exactly what this surgery entailed, about how the body works (Thank goodness I had gone to nursing school and taken a 2 semester anatomy&physiology class with labs and cadaver dissection! I actually KNEW what I was talking about!) and I had to tell her how digestion worked, how it would work post op, and exactly what the real risks were for this surgery as compared to any other surgery. After I gave her some information and told her where to look for more and told her I researched it for over 5 years in an effort to convince myself I should NOT have the surgery, then had my opionion changed by the statistics, she contacted me and said she was much more comfortable with my choice now. I had told her at the time that although I appreciated her concern for me, I knew what was best for me and I had done careful research and had the support of all my family and most of my other friends, and I would be going ahead with the surgery. It was really hard for her to understand why I would want to give up sugar and have a drastic change in lifestyle, and she had a very difficult time understanding how diets didn't work and told me my problems were all emotional. I told her I have been dieting for 21 years and I'm now at my largest, so obviously SOMETHING wasn't working! If you would like some of the information I compiled in a letter to my PCP (I thought I would have to convince her but she was totally supportive!) I would be happy to send it to you. Just email me at [email protected]. Good Luck and don't get discouraged. You have to do very careful research and not enter into this lightly, but at the same time, you make your own decisions for your own body, and you alone are responsible. Don't jump into this, but don't let a lack of support sway you either. If this is right for you, you can do it.

Houman - I was very sorry to hear that your family is not supportive. My mother is not to excited about me having surgery either - her concern is that I may dye during the procedure. People have different ways of dealing with trying issues, especially when the possibility of death enters the picture. I would hope that this is the justification vs. sabotaging your health. As far as I am concerned this is your life ultimately and in my opinion the only people that should even have any input would be that of your immediate family. You cousins should butt out and keep their opinions and comments to themselves. With my medical issues - this surgery would allow for the possibility of those problems to disappear with the weight loss; therefore, in my opinion to have the opportunity to rid the ailments that I have and start to enjoy my life far outweigh the negatives issues of death. All of us will die one day - this is a known, but with the cycle of my weight climbing annually, the chances of death just from continue my life as I have been are greater than the possibility of death caused by complications by the surgery. Talk to your mother and be very honest with her - not sure if the issues above relate to you or not, but be sure that you check on the background of the surgeon (http://myflorida.com) and how many lawsuits he has for negligence, etc. You do not need to rush into this if you have not done enough research - remember this is for the rest of your life. Make sure you are ready for the change and commitment for the change! If you have done the research - let people know this is your vehicle to start your life anew and put up boundaries on those people who need them - your cousins.

I just wanna chime in and say I am too(slang for very) sorry that your fam is not excited about the positive changes you are trying to make.