2 year out today! but so distressed!

Life has just handed me and my family a curve ball. I should be happy but all I can do is cry. I need to figure out how NOT to turn to food to comfort me and take the pain away.....I've had 2 good years of uneventful "bliss" from an emotional standpoint. I don't know if I can handle what's about to come.... I'm open to suggestions cause I'm lost right now....  from my journal..... posted a few mins ago. 11/30/2007 - my 2 yr anniversary. My rebirthday. Today I weigh 139 lbs.  I should be happy. Really, I should but life has just handed me the mother of all challenges. Yesterday, I took dad to his follow up appoint with the nuerologist and got smacked in the face with reality. My first love, my daddy, is leaving us but  he doesn't know it. He has alzheimer's disease. In the back of my mind, I suspect I knew in a way. So did my mom. Dad hasn't been "right' for a few months, but we all were chucking it off as part of the aging process. His hearing is failing, his mood changes frequently, his sudden anger outbursts.  As if the AD isn't enough to deal with his drs are also now looking at additional testing. The Dr thinks he may also have multiple myelomas - a blood cancer. He's anemic and some of the blood tests concern him so he's sending dad on to meet with a hemotologist. I left the dr's office with the mother of all lumps in my throat. Both my parents were in the room with the dr. when he pronounced his findings and my mother understands enough english that she is "concerned" but the additional testing needed for the dr to be sure. Dad's bone pain, bruising, anemia, brain atrophy and mri findings appear to be a signal to the nuerologist. Once again, I need to shove my emotions deep down inside of me. I have to be STRONG - for my mother. I have to be STRONG for my son - my father has been my son's surrogate dad since he was 8 weeks old. I have to be STRONG and tell me brother who lives thousands of miles away that our father is ill. I have had to be STRONG since I was 6 years and dad suffered multiple injuries from a refinery explosion. I have to be STRONG, but I am not a strong person. Not in this capacity. I don't think I have it in me. I want my daddy. I want him to be healthy. I want him to be happy. I want the impossible.....

I feel your pain and emotions right now.

Take it from somebody that has had a loved one pass from Alzheimer's and cancer. Yes,we want them not to leae us. To be healthy and happy.

Honey, enjoy this time with him. Remember how he was,and not what this diease will do to him. It is unfair what these dieases do to a person. Rely on your faith and strength. You and your family are in my prayers.

I am so sorry your family is having to go through this.  But you are a strong woman, look at all you have accomplished in your life.  You can face this with courage and dignity.  Your family needs you -- but you need to take care of yourself.  Give yourself some time to regroup and organize and then tackle this with all the courage and determination you can muster.  You can do this.  You are strong.  But more important you have heart and you can do it because you have love in that heart. Remember you can come here anytime and we will be here to support you.  But you also have resources in your community that will be invaluable to you and your Mother.  The alzheimers organization has many resources and should be able to make referrals, the area agency on aging should have resources, as well as the American Cancer Society.  Check into what hospice can offer your family.  Do not hesitate to call on all the resources available to you.  Those resources may be able to help your family enough that you can truly concentrate on your Father and spending quality time with him.  Let your Mother shoulder some of this.  She will see it as her responsibility and will be appreciative of the role she will play.  This will also give her the opportunity to grow beyond her marriage and make entering the next phase of her life easier.   You and your family will be in prayers. Red

Barbara I am so distressed to hear your news. I feel your pain and your concerns but I know you can deal with this. You are STRONG. You have dealt with many other concerns in your life and you are still hear to talk about them. First deal with the shock of the news, let that sit with you. As you adjust and accept the situation you will begin to move into action. You are strong, but no matter how hard you try you cannot protect your son, father or mother form the realities of life. Do your research and then develop a plan with the other family members to deal with the disease and the emotional impact. If everyone has a part in the plan they will all feel better because they are doing something to help and you will not be as overwhelmed with responsibility and feelings of helplessness. My heart is with you. I am always here to listen. Paula

I don't have any words for you that can take this pain away or make this time any easier for you. I can only give you a cyber hug, remind you that you have many friends here who understand, love you and KNOW what you are going through... especially as a WLS person. Try to remind yourself that this is going to be hard enough without giving in to your emotional eating issues and THEN on top of it having to deal with guilt and weight gain. If you can do this you will be so much better off as a healthy person and much more able deal with the grief. Your family needs you... YOU need you to be healthy.  It will be a very hard and painful time coming up but you are doing a great thing by reaching out here to your friends who understand. Keep in touch and let us know how you are doing. We are here for you.

I'm so sorry to read about your father. We are the sandwich generation - looking out for the older and the younger.  Try to take good care of yourself and your health at this time. You're going to need all your strength physically and emotionally during this difficult time. When my own father died of cancer six years ago I was completely devastated for a long time.  Your first love (as you call him)  wouldn't want you to turn to food to lessen your hurt because of him.  Thinking about you, Becky

My Thanks to all of you! You're words have been like a hug. I love this group for it's when we're down that we rally to pull each other up.  Saturday was a hell of a day. My brother is barking @ me and questioning everything I am doing. I lost it and told him to get on the next plane and fly his ass down here if he thinks he can do better. I realize that he's also grasping with the news and needing to process - but I am not the enemy here. I DID call him and TRIED to talk to him but he had no time for me. I finally had to contact his partner tell him what was going on in hopes that he would then contact me, which he did 24 HOURS LATER!!!!! My son, my precious baby boy, who is a man numerically, is dealing with the loss of his father - yes in reality he's his grandfather but dad was his babysitter from the time he was 8 weeks old. He is his surogate father. Christopher is also struggling. I handled telling him incorrectly I didin't have the courage to tell him so I did what I thought was best and tell him while I had his godmother on the phone. He runs to her for guidance when HE CAN'T tell me something. Maria is not a blood sister, but she and I are sisters. Christopher and I went to breakfast sat to talk. He happened to choose the restaurent - and call it destiny but it was right next door to the alz support center here in Naples. I told him I had to go in a some info. He became infuriated that I couldn't and shouldn't DUMP dad @ the center. That wasn't my intent - the center is mostly there to provide support to FAMILY.  My poor mother -while she has been our backbone - she's emotionally a mess. I am now educating her in non confrontal ways to get dad to do things - like hold on to her when they walk - (ok so she has to lie to him and say she doesn't feel stable) but this will give him back some of the sense of manliness that we have managed to strip away from him.  As for me - I cry in private so as not to upset my mother, not to let my dad see and because I don't have anyone close to me to lay my shoulder on.  I do however have my new OH family! Thank you for listening and sharing your hugs! B

Barbie, Congratulations on your 2 year surgery anniversary. You have accomplished so much. My mother-in-law told us years ago when she was diagnosed with brain cancer and had only 6 weeks to live..."God only gives us what he thinks we can handle. He must think I can handle a lot because he has dealt me a whopper!"  Don't expect yourself to be able to handle it all. You are only human.  We are here for you. Liz