Starting Over, please help me

I've been away from OH for some time, I've been too ashamed to come in.  I had problems with insurance covering my surgery so I went south of the border because it was cheaper and I could afford that compared to here and got banded in Mexico.  I've had an ordeal because soon after my mother became terminally sick and I just couldn't eat right.  Now, two years later I'm stuck with a band and too tight a fill and having to start all over again.  I can get fills without any issues but I can't get a doctor to provide the aftercare I so need to get back on the bandwagon...so to speak.  I've regained what I loss (30 odd pounds) and I finally got a local doctor to accept me for revision and change to RNY when I went to see him in a seminar he was giving.  He's the best bariatric surgeon in Miami and hopefully during the Christmas holidays when I get a break from work and school I will have RNY surgery.   However, I'm terrified of this surgery.  I know I need it desperately because my hypertension is back and so are the symptoms of diabetes.  I've not been the best bandster either so I can't really say my band failed me.  My band is too tight and everything including liquids is difficult to pass through the band since I've regained the weight.  I have my first appointment with Dr. De La Cruz Munoz set up for November 15th at which time I am going to ask him to please remove all the fill in my band.  I'm tired of being sooooooooo miserable.   Anyway, I would like to hear from anyone willing to provide their insight and experience.  Like I said, I am terrified of the RNY surgery, the risks and the pain I believe I will feel post-op.  I keep trying to tell myself that the risk of remaining obese outweighs the risk of the surgery, but I still have my moments of freaking out.  I try to be gentle with myself and at the same time I'm so upset at myself for letting myself get into this situation.  I'm also amazed at how I'm able to help others because I'm going to school to get my doctoral in psychology, yet, all that knowledge goes out the freaking window when I try to use it on myself.  It's true, you cannot be objective in psychology so you shouldn't treat friends, family much less yourself.  So...I'm putting myself out there and hopefully someone, anyone will support me and walk with me in this new journey I seem to be taking now.  Sigh. Maria

Maria: Greetings from up the road.  I'm reading your post and it's kinda late, I'm heading to bed after a day of deep sea fishing and working out at the gym.  I understand your concern about RNY.  I had it a little over 18 months ago at Cleveland Clinic in Weston, and couldnt be doing better.  I'd write more but I'm ready to drop dead tired.  Just wanted to say hi, since I'll probably be real busy all week and wont be able to respond.  Feel free to read my profile, granted, my experience wasnt necessarily the best, but it wasnt all bad, and I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat.  Be good to yourself and do what you think is best, you'll come through it fine.  Feel free to write if you wanna talk.  Be well. John

John,  thank you for your post.  Your journey is amazing and you look fabulous.  I go fishing as well with my husband, but we mostly do flats fishing, my middle ear doesn't allow me to do deep sea...and I wish I could.  I haven't been fishing much lately due to having lots of practicum hours that I have to do, and classes I have to study for.  But in between semesters I do like to drown that shrimp. 

Welcome back! And you have nothing to be ashamed since we all need time to get away.  It was a no brainer for me when my surgeon explained the diff between the lapband and RNY. I knew I needed the punishment when doing the wrong thing (though I followed the rules in the beginning). Not to say that I have gone off the wrong path 100% but life happens and not everyone knows what you go through and you want to be "part" of the gang so sometimes you go along with things you know you should be doing..so you do do the wrong things sometimes... Initially with the RNY surgery, there is pain involved and a BIG adjustment to be done those first few months and it will seem that things will not get better but they will eventually get better and you will adjust (the hard way LOL)..one thing to remember is that whether it's lapband, RNY, DS or whatever..this is a tool to be used wisely and if you remember that you will be a success at weight loss many years out. Best of luck in whatever you decide. Hugs

Thanks for the welcome and your advise.  I will keep that in mind.  Hugs to you as well!

Hi Maria, I just wanted to let you know you're not alone and you should never feel ashamed. I also had the lap band. I originally had it put in back in July of 05. Due to complications with the lap band I had a revision on 5/31/06. You can check out my profile if you want. I was terrified of having the RNY. I didn't want to have to do something so drastic, so I know where you are coming from. I am now 15 months out, I've lost over 130lbs, I feel great. And I can tell you that if I had to do it all over again, I would in a heartbeat!! The RNY was not that painful. Besides whats a few weeks of discomfort, (when you have pain meds to help you out, lol!!,) for a life time of happiness and being healthy again.  If you ever feel like chatting, please don't hesitate to contact me anytime!!  Jo Ann

Jo Ann, you have no idea how much your post means to me!!!  You DO know where I'm coming from because you have gone through it yourself.  I will check your profile later because I'm at work right now and can't really do it now.  Thanks for your words, they are comforting.

Anytime Maria, And I ment it, anytime you want to chat just drop me a line. It was a very very hard decision for me to make to go through with the revision and I completely felt alone and I don't want anyone else to feel that way. So please keep in touch.  My email address is [email protected] in case you want to chat!!! Jo Ann

Hi Maria, My heart goes out to you, but you have definitely made the right decision for yourself, and just posting here and reaching out is a step in the right direction. I had my RNY 2 years ago this December. I was originally schedule for banding, but around 4 weeks before surgery I changed my mind to go the whole way, i figured if i'm going to change my life i am going to change if properly, as I had heard that banding was a slow weightloss and could be reversed etc, and I didn't want anything that could be reversed, it had to be permanent for me, so i took the plunge and have absolutely no regrets. 110lbs later and lighter it is the best decision i ever made for myself. Please read my profile. I wish u so much luck and please feel free to email me if you wish to stay in touch without having to go through OH. [email protected] Good luck with your schooling, you are doing a very worthwhile thing and it will pay off big in the end, hey we all need counselling in our lives. I hope to hear from u soon and take care.

Joanne, thank you.  You've brought tears to my eyes with your words.  I feel blessed at how wonderful people have been.   Yes, it is hard to reach out, but it is so wonderful to finally put that burden down and ask for help.  I've had such a horrible time with my mom's illness and subsequent death earlier this year after a painful battle with cancer.  She passed away peacefully in her morphine induced sleep on her birthday.  I have not taken it well at all.  And although I know she's at peace now and no longer suffering, I am left behind to deal with the pain and I didn't do a good job of it because I ate around the band and regained it all.  So now I am on a new journey and very scared.  But knowing I have support from you and the others makes it a little easier somehow. Thank you for your words again, they are like a salve to my soul.  I will look at your profile later on when I leave practi****o I can absorb it all without any interruptions as I have had trying to respond to your post.  I guess it's not me time right now...it's OK, it'll give me something to look forward to. Hugs, Maria