Alive

If anyone was wondering I am still alive and kicking, just not checking these boards at all really....i am so bad. I have been going out and having so much fun with life now. I am finally done with my pre reqs for RN program and starting in the Fall at SCC. My house will be done next month, so we are starting to pack up this house. I am having issues keeping weight on, forget to eat all the time. I am hovering around 130-135 right now...size 2/4 skinny and boney at 5'9. Been asking so many times if I use to model, I just laugh! I like being this way, can't stand when people tell me to gain weight, your too skinny...if they don't like it they need to shut da mouth. My old self is coming back out after being hidden for years...and that I love! I don't take crap from anyone anymore, don't walk on me attitude. Troy has tried to get me back, not going to happen! Anyways I am still around and living it up! hugs Tracey -197

hey you! im glad to see your doing well!! lex

Thanks Lex!!!!

Glad things are going well Tracey! A thought occurred to me.....sometimes when we are running from the pain inside we fill our plate and run on the outside too. Not saying you are doing this, but its worth considering. You've been through lots of pain with your dads death, the divorce with Troy, the house, the weight loss. Then, things change, and you run in the other direction, but the key is balance. I just don't want to see you hit a dive. Going to school, working and being a mom is a tremendous load on you. You have history with Troy, and used to love him, and even if he's been a jerk, he is your kids dad and for their sakes having parents together is better than apart. I understand that it may not work for you, but people can change, and who knows. Perhaps don't shut that door forever right now, you may regret it later when this "high" you are on wears off. You can't keep up at this pace girlfriend. Again, forgive me if I am coming across judgemental, not meaning to at all. Just sharing my thoughts. I am just concerned.....cuz I care. I truly want the best for you. I want you to feel joy inside and peace. Its just that I hear you saying you're happy etc, but something inside tells me there is alot of hurt hiding behind the words. love and hugs, Tami

I know your being concerned...but no need at all. I am very well balanced, have a huge support group of RL friends now. I actually have girlfriends now, who think I am amazing for what I have done in my life and support me in everything I do. Troy is the father of 1 of my children...and he was holding me back and hasn't changed. Pretty sad when he left he stayed the same way, addicted to WOW and I am not....RL is much better then a computer game. Atleast he makes a effort to be active in Kate's life. I like things much better like this, I live for myself and my kids and not for him like I did when I was fat. One of my old sayings is....don't look back and don't regret, which I don't at all. He left me, that isn't cool at all when we were in such a stressful time, but sorry door closed...he is weak. Actually I think your assuming a lot from my post about this 'high' and all that. I am talking care of myself and my children...taking breaks to go to dinner and movies with friends. There is no hurt behind those words at all...I am finally myself again, he had to leave for me to be myself again.

well good for you girlfriend!!! Whew....feel much better hearing these words from you. I am glad you have such a great support group, and you do seem to be blossoming! Inside our instead of outside out! Its funny what has to happen sometimes in a bad way, that often turns out to be good?! I am glad that for you , its turning out to the good, thank God for that! Are you all set for Christmas? I'm excited for the nursing program, it will be hard, but you will do just great! hugs, Tmai

Glad you feel better, hope you feel as great as I do....but I am sure you do! My inside finally caught up with my outside a few months ago..that felt awesome. I am hard on myself at all anymore, if people don't like how I look, that is their problem. I know...good things do some from bad things happening, and I am glad I survived! I am set for Christmas finally after my shopping trip tonight, just need to get the tree tomorrow. I have been really busy with the house, picking out colors, counters and flooring. We should be back in by mid Jan...should is the key word. I am very excited to start the program. I am looking for temp work right now so after the house is completed, I have something new to occupy my time. Hugs!!! Tracey