GUYS Need Your Advice

Hi everyone,:wave: I have had a wonderful experience with my weight loss with my weight loss journey. I have lost 167 pounds in 18 months.:jump::jump: My problem is exercise.Oh it is not that I DON"T want to exercise I DO. I have had to fight with my DH for almost two years every single day when I go to exercise.: At first he was afraid I would "hurt" myself. Then that I was "overdoing" it. Now he has turned to transfer addiction. He says I am "addicted" I try to exercise about five times a week for an hour. Water aerobics, jazz aerobics, circuit training, balance ball for core. So I try to get a well rounded routine.  I don't think it's too much. It's what I signed up for. This is part of the commitment I have made to be successful. He has understood about the surgery, the protien drinks, the vitamins. Everything but the exercise. I have no intention of stopping, but I am soooooo tired of argueing about exercising with him. Unfortunately he is very overwieght and disabled with bilateral degenerative arthritis in both knees which has left him pretty debilitated. HELP!!! Can someone give me some insight here.  I am hoping and praying that someone will have a view point that I haven't explored, some magic "button" that I can push for a solution. Anyone?? Sure would love a guy's view point. Thanks, Nancy S.

Well, I'm new on this board but I'll try and give you my opinion.  I used to be in good shape before life's responsibilities caught up with me.  I went to the gym every day for almost 2 hours.  Then came fatherhood and I couldn't do it anymore.  Then my weight caught up.  My now ex-wife used to complain all the time that I spent too much time working out.  Look what happened after I stopped.    She also became very large and didn't want to do anything.  She developed severe depression and would spend most of the time in the bedroom.  Kind of like your husband.   So I undestand that he may feel left out.  He sees the changes in your body and lifestyle and may be jealous.  At the same time he should respect, and be happy, that you're changing for the better. Easier said than done though.  There's no magic button or whatever.  The only suggestion would be to find something physical you can do together.  He obviously needs to do something physical, the question would be what.  If he can walk then try going for short walks together.  Maybe to the beach or in the forest.  Nothing too strenuous but enough to make him feel a part of your new life.  You may also want to consider a physical therapist.  They could suggest exercises he can do and that you can help him with. I do understand where he may be coming from.  At the same time I know you need to feel real support from him and not feel uncomfortable doing what you have to do. Hope that helps a bit.

Thanks so much Stitch, You are the only to respond to my quandry and I appreciate the response. He won't go on walks because his knees are so bad, you know the viscious cycle thing.  I would certainly be glad to go with him. That's a good idea about the physical therapist too, but honestly he wouldn't do that either. He's so stubborn ... I don't know what to do. It's my end that I'm concerned about. I am so tired of fighting with him about ME going to exercise.  I am sick of that, but not of him.  We've has a strong marriage and it certainly isn't on the rocks about this. It just makes me mad and I wish he knew how destructive his behavior is for my psyche. Thanks again Sticks, Nancy S. from CA

First of all - 5 hours/week is not too much exercise. You're doing great. IMHO - it sounds like your husband might be jealous that you can exercise.  I teach water aerobics AND water walking-arthritis classes as the gym. I have people come to  my water walking-arthritis class with all sorts of  problems.  If your husband's doctor says OK - and your gym is co-ed, you might want to go with him to the water walking-arthritis classes. It will be an exercise he can do - and one exercise that will make you feel real good. (Just a thought).

Hey Noni, Thanks for answering. I do water aerobics usually three times a week.  There is a water walking and also a specialty class.  I have offered to go with him. Always a no answer.  Argh If a doctor had ordered him to do exercise to stay alive he would be classified as noncompliant. Guess there really isn't a good answer to my problem. I am just so tired of the argueing every time I go to classes. Thanks again, Nancy

It's wonderful that you are able to continue to exercise in spite of the arguments. Keep up the good work. The only other thing I could think of that might help... Have a card ready for him - telling him you love him and want him to live a long time - and ask him to come and exercise with you - OR Have a note with the phone number of someone your husband trusts that can talk with your husband about the benefits of exercise (his doctor, or someone who is a friend, etc.) - OR Anytime he starts an argument about your exercising - hand him articles to read about the positive effects of exercise. You've probably tried these - and if you have and they haven't worked... Don't argue - just go and exercise!  (Hang in there - you're doing great!) .

Hi Nancy

 

I’ve been lifting since I was 12. It’s what I do. It’s what I enjoy. Even when I was 400 pounds, I still trained.  When I started dating my (now ex) wife, she was overweight too and started going to the gym with me. After we got married she still lifted and I trained her then she started power lifting and even became the American Record Holder for her weight class (super heavy weight). Funny, she never complained about the time I spent in the gym back then and she seemed to enjoy being at the gym with me.

 

Then we got married. She had WLS first. She researched it and fought insurance companies for about a year. She still lifted right after WLS. About year later I had WLS and really never stopped lifting for more than a week. But after awhile she stopped lifting and exercising in general. She “told” everyone she lifted, exercised and was a power lifter, but she wasn’t training or exercises. She was active. She worked on her feet and was always on the go with the girls, but wasn’t doing any formal exercise program.

 

Anyway, she started giving me a hard time about the 1 or 2 hours a day I spent working out. I even had a gym at home, just so I could be home while I was training. She was constantly complaining about me not spending time with her, but at the same time when I wasn’t training…she was on the computer, phone or watching TV, not spending time with me.

 

We did get divorced but not because of her giving me a hard time…every single time I went to workout. But it did cause me to resent her for it. I had exercised like this before marrying her so it wasn’t some thing new. She knew it was important to me since I was a kid. It’s just part of who I am.

 

I make exercise a priority. I generally don’t miss planned workouts and I try to exercise, even if it’s just a little walk, every day. If you want to be healthy you need to make time for daily exercise.

 

I think if your husband keeps it up with the nagging and actually it already sounds like it…you’ll start to resent his constant nagging about you wanting to take a small part of your day to stay healthy. I think if you just calmly tell him, he might stop.

 

It sounds like his health issues are depressing him. I can understand why. It would depress me. I used to call people like my ex and your husband Toxic people. They aren’t happy with their lives and will do whatever to try to make you as miserable as them. Kind of like a coworker offering you candy or pizza, after you tell them you’re on a diet. He might even be a little insecure about your changing life and afraid of losing you if you keep losing weight and exercising. It’s a real fear and the cause of a lot of marital problems after WLS. But it’s his issue…not yours.

 

There’s no magic button to push. You do what you have to do.

 

Wow that’s a long response.

 

Earl

Thanks Earl and Noni, Well, that gives me alot of insight into my problem.  I really appreciate your input. It is important to me otherwise I guess I would have caved into his negativeness. I will try the "articles"  should be an interesting effect.  And you can count on me still exercising. If fact gotta go to balance ball and circuit. It's Tuesday Night!!! LOL