can we talk?

dh was not in his happy place this a.m.  everything he said was negative.  i'd try countering with a positive but he wasn't liking it.  i asked him why he was so angry and he said it was because he had to go to work and i get to stay home.  i told him i'm sorry and he said 'no, you're not'.  i said i wish i could go to work and he said 'no, you don't'.(chuckling)  then he said 'it is what it is'.
i'm upset.  i've been off work for 2+ years, recently got social security disability approved, have many debilitating issues.  but i try to be positive - not always succeeding, but i try.  i already feel guilty and am bumming a bit by the comments.
does anyone else have a spouse saying/doing this?  if so, what can i do? 

        

Fortunately I don't have a hubby like that but I know how you feel about already feeling guilty. I feel bad cause I know my hubby always wanted to travel when he retired but now that I have so much trouble getting around it's pretty much out of the question. I have no problem if he wants to travel without me but like he says it's no fun by himself. Your hubby may never fully understand but maybe you can get him to read about it or go to a doctor visit with you and have the doc explain what is going on. It's so difficult to have an "invisible" disease, people will always give you "the look" when you use a handicap parking space or say you are looking for sympathy. When he gets this way you are always welcome to vent here, that's why we have this forum. The best we can do is like you said try to stay positive and just keep on keeping on, one day at a time. Until then here's group hug from your peeps here!

thanks for the kind words.  that is why  i keep coming back.  i appreciate the empathy

My husband has never said anything negative but I know he will never really know how hard it is to live with FMS.  And, I pray he never does have to live with anything like this or any other disease.  I loved working and was climbing up the ladder when I just couldn't do it anymore so I didn't go back to work when we moved to our present location.  I always gave 100% plus in all aspects of my life and it doesn't feel good to know my life will never be like that again.  Healthy people don't get it.  People look at me and think I look healthy but they don't know what it takes for me to get up and out of the house to join them when I can.  We are leaving soon for a 3 wk camping trip.  We have a rustic cabin without plumbing.  We have to use an outhouse and a shower set up outside.  When I was younger it was an adventure.  I only go because it is important to my spouse but I'd really like to stay home in my comfortable bed and indoor plumbing.  It is a beautiful place during the day high in the mountains surrounded by pine trees and a river running in front of the cabin.

you're right.  healthy people don't get it.  i hope you can enjoy the cabin, though.  wish i had some words of wisdom for you but i haven't been camping in a lifetime. take care of you, though.  hope you have fun.

Thank you Dorthe.  I'm glad you got your SS disability approved.  I had a Dr suggest this to me when I was first diagnosed with FMS and Chrons and thought, "Oh no, I might get better and would want to go back to work."  You know how we always hope things will get better.  That hope is one of the things that keeps me positive.  I did think of something I say to my husband that may help.  I tell him how much I love him and appreciate that he loves me as I am.  I remember when first diagnosed and researched what I was up against it was devasting.  I did cry and went through a period of apologizing for no longer being able to help financially and not being able to do as much as I always had. A good example is housework and cooking.  It comes in spells when I have better days.  On really bad days we eat out or pick up food to bring home.  I'm presently tired so have to pick myself up each day.  I don't talk much about the FMS anymore.  It's just a matter of fact in this house.  I'd hire a housekeeper to come in once a week if we could afford it.   I went to bed at 10:00 and then woke up an hour ago not able to go back to sleep.  This is part of my FMS issue.