I know what you are going through. My husband thinks that I will leave him when I loose weight. That I will "smarten up" as he puts it and find someone else. This enrages me! I have been with my husband for 17 years, why he would say this? I don't know. I only feel that if he thinks like this, then maybe subconsiously he wants me to fail. I wonder if he will inadvertantly sabotage my efforts. I think he is the one the doctor should have sent for a psych evaluation (hahaha). The only advice I can give you is the one I follow myself.... Just ignore all the words and try to find the feelings behind them. Dont ask him what he thinks or WHY he does these things ask him straight out how he feels! Try to make him tell how he feels about your surgery and all the progress you have had. Don't let him avoid the subject. I am going to ask about my problem at the next support group meeting with my husband sitting right there and see what kind of response I get from everyone else. Maybe the people in the group can offer him some support about the true reason why I am doing this. If this works I will let you know. Till then maybe you can just use my advice. Thanks for letting me vent. Tina Chereek

Hi Michelle! I live in Canton, about 1 1/2 hrs. north of Ft. Drum. I had my surgery at Adirondack Medical Center in Saranac Lake and would highly recommend my surgeon (Dr. Michael Hill) and the hospital! AMC has a wonderful support group meeting for post-ops the second Tuesday of every month at 6:00 pm and an informational meeting on the second Tuesday of every month @ 7:00 pm. They also meet the fourth Tuesday @ 6:00pm. This meeting is open to pre-opt, post-opt, and people who are thinking about having the surgery. These support meetings are a great way to meet other WLS people and to share your experiences with others and to just talk about everything you're going through. What hospital and surgeon are you looking into? It's normal to feel scared; however, I was so excited about WLS that I had no fears what-so-ever! Feel free to email at any time! I would be more than happy to talk to you and even meet with you. WLS is the best thing that I have done! I had surgery on 1/21/04 and am down 78 lbs. (12 before surgery) and am off my liptor and no longer a diebetic. Best of luck to you in what ever decision you make! Hope to hear from you soon! Kimberley 248/236/170/135-by July I hope

Hello. My name is Michelle Singer. My husband is in the Army and we are here at Fort Drum. A few weeks ago my primary care doctor sent a referal for me to see a surgeon for the Gastric Bypass. I met with him this morning and he approved it for me. So now the process begins. I am very nervous and very scared. Right now I feel so alone because my family and friends are all in California. I would love to meet people and talk with people who have or will be experiencing the gastric bypass. I am worried that when the time comes for me to have the surgery my husband will be in Afghanistan again. If you would like to contact me my email addy is [email protected] I would love to hear from you. Sincerely, Michelle Singer

My hubby does the same thing!!! He means well, but dosen't realize that it hurts my feelings. It's fuuny that you said "peanut M&M's", cause the other night the SAME thing happened to me. My hubby comes and sits down and I go over tho kiss him and, "What are you eating?" "Nothing." "I smell it, you got peanut M&M's, don't you?" And then he picks up a bag full of them and laughs. Then last night my daughter comes in eating a donut and I'm like "Oh NO!" He laughed, harmless to him, but I said, "Do you realize how HARD it is for me not to eat this stuff?! What are you gonna do when I have my surgery?" (it's in 10 days and I have to keep off this 10 stinkin' pounds!!!) Anyway- he said he was sorry and I don't think he was trying to hurt my feelings or anything, I just think he doesn't fully understand exactly how hard it is. Your hubby obviously loves you or he wouldn't care. Just remember you're not alone. And afterall, he's a man! (Sorry guys, but you know it!) Christine

Yesterday was my 1 year Anniversary. I've lost 132 pounds and gone from a size 30/32 to a size 16/18. My husband has been very supportive of me, but he has never had a weight problem, so I feel he doesn't and can never understand what it feels like to have this battle. When I decided to have gastric bypass surgery, he was worried, but supportive. He has gone to all of my appointments with me. However, no matter how much success I achieve, it doesn't seem to shake the doubt and apprehension from his mind. I feel his intentions are good, he wants to help me, but instead if makes me feel horrible thinking he is so afraid I will fail. Yesterday, after my one-year checkup with my surgeon, my husband and I went to breakfast. We talked about the things we had just talked to the surgeon about to re-cap the appointment. I have lost 60% of my excess body weight within one year where as the average is 70%, leaving me running a little bit behind. My doctor said he is not worried though, he is happy with the 60% and BMI of 39. My husband and I were talking about different things and he made some comments about how I didn't tell my doctor that I sometimes eat ice cream or drink Coke, and that I told him I ate only 4 oz when I often eat more than that. His comments shocked me, but instead of crying I became defensive. I told him, I don't "drink" Coke, I take a sip of his or a sip of my friends, but I couldn't drink a whole soda if I wanted too. I do have some occasional ice cream, candy or sweets if I'm having the craving, but my pouch (and dumping syndrome) makes it nearly impossible to "over do". And I told the doctor I eat 4 - 6 oz because sometime I'm not hungry at all and fill up fast and other times I'm very hungry. I was offended that my husband would act as if I was keeping it secret from my doctor. So during the course of this conversation, he admitted to me that he hides his Cokes, candy and cookies in the garage so it won't tempt me. And then last night for, he came to sit next to me on the couch to watch TV. I noticed he had something in his hand so I asked him "what's that". He said "nothing", and then I could distinctly smell the smell of peanut M&M's coming from his mouth. Needless to say I wanted to burst into tears. I didn't even want a stinkin' M&M and so what if I did...I would have only been able to eat 3 or 4! So I said "what you're hiding them from me", then I just didn't really say anything for the rest of the night. I do have to say, he did do this to me before surgery too. If I asked if he wanted to go to pizza, he would say no (even though I knew he did). He would later admit to me that he would say no just because he didn't want to be a bad influence on me. So, why is he continuing to do this even after I've had this surgery and even after I've lost 132 pounds in 12 months??? The worst part is I have told him how it makes me feel. I've told him it hurts my feelings and that instead he need to encourage me, compliment and do things like that to keep me motivated. For some reason he seems to forget this... Does anyone out there have any ideas, suggestions, stories to share? We all know the world is full of people waiting for us to fail, but it hurts most when you feel the one closest to you is one of those people... Thank you...and sorry this is so long, but it does help to have typed it out...