Shut out of the wedding.

One of my oldest and dearest friends is getting married in the fall. She's tall, blond, thin, and beautiful. Both she and her fiancee have been my friends and I nursed their relationship the first year they were together. We have kept in touch but don't talk on a regular basis. I just talked to her the other day and asked her who was standing up for her, all of the people she named were at least a size 8!!!!!! I am so hurt that she didn't ask me, at least she could have given me an explanation why I have not been included in any part of the wedding. The more I think about it and the more people I tell, they seem to think that she want's a cosmetically perfect wedding. I would be the only big person in the party and the dresses they picked don't even come in my size!!!! I don't think I want to go to the wedding or the shower. I know the whole time I'm there I'll wish that I was a part of everything and I'll be mad because I should be! One of my friends said I should just remember it for the future, another said I should write a letter confronting her, I was also told I should confront her before the wedding. I don't know what to do and my heart is broken!!!

Hi I just found this board. I am so sorry that your friend did this to you. I think it is a cosmetical wedding sounds like it. I would ask her to her face for a reason she didn't have you stand up with her. Maybe It isn't what it looks like. Take care

Marie, coming form someone *****cently got married, weddings are expensive and there are many factors that go into how many brides maids a person can have ( more BM gifts to buy, a larger limo or maybe even 2... at $400 a pop, this can be quite a concern.) seems you two just aren't as close as you once were and although you are important to her and her fiance still, they're may be a number of girls she has llimited herself to and unfortunately those she picked may be closer to them now than you are. I know it hurts, i had to make some hard decisions in my process as well. But all who i loved i was still sure to invite, glad they could share my day with me even though they were not standing there next to me. If you confront her, she may then feel bad for hurting your feelings and ask you to become a BM, (as happened when a friend of mine got married... she HAD to ask one girl outta guilt) but remember the cost involved for you ($150-200 on a dress you will NEVER wear again) and feeling last minute. You obviously know them and i don't but i just wanted to be the devils advocate and maybe look at things from a different prospective! Good Luck either way! ( but don't miss out on your friends' big day ~ you'll regret it in the end, that i know!)

If the dress doen't come in your size then maybe your friend is just sparing you some embarrassment. I know that when I got married 5-1/2 years ago at the time I had my best friend and my sisters in my line. Now my new best friend is the greatest and she was asked to be in our friends wedding, but she told her no with no explaination. She told me because she would feel uncomfortable in a dress because of her size. I think that size doens't matter, but being over weight myself I would wear a gurtal. Just go because she is your friend and she will know that in the future because you came. Suzie-Q

I know you are hurt, but people should be able to choose who is in their weddings without an explanation. It is her wedding and though size may seem to be a reason, I would think you would have seen a lot more evidence of how she felt way before her wedding and most likely wouldn't have been her friend from the attitude. You are not shut out of the wedding unless you choose to be.

I can completely understand how you must feel. This may be a long shoot but... She may of gotten alot of pressure to have family members in her party (sisters, cousins etc..). My mom tried to tell me who to have in our wedding. She even told a friend of mine she was in it... I never asked her. Long story short... This friend and I have not spoke since. And I miss her... It*s been 10 yrs. sad huh? It confronting her will make you feel better. You have to do what makes you happy. Don*t let this eat at your insides and make you physically sick. But if you decide not to attend the Showers and wedding who are you hurting??? You, Can you live with that? Will you regret it later? Good luck, Tasha

she might be tall and blond and thin, but she is not beautiful if she could shut out a friend and hurt her feelings because of size. You don't have to be a part of anything that will leave you feeling bad about yourself. Life has a way of evening things up. Just wait and see what she looks like in a few years. Keep smiling Sharon

Just be careful about acting too hasty. Just be true to yourself. Go to the wedding and showers gracefully and you will feel better knowing that you did the mature thing. Wish them well and then concentrate on you and your own journey. If she omitted you from the wedding for cosmetic reasons and she is shallow, then you'll know soon enough that her friendship was also shallow and don't worry about it. On the other hand, if she was trying to spare your feelings about possibly being embarrassed (not that you should be but she might think that you might) except her decision gracefully and you will grow as a person. Hugs

Marie: It hurts when your not asked... even if you would have graciously bowed out. I unfortunately did that when I got married many moons ago. I was a size 7 ...hah not no more. But the bridemaids were pretty much in the same size range ... and I did have a relative who was much heavier.. but I knew the dress which were ****tail, strapless dresses would look and make her feel ugly because of being next to others much smaller. I never explained my choices, but did feel quite guilty that she was left out ... but she was always part of the festivities. Try to be there for her. I cant say what I did wasnt terrible now in retropect... but I was much younger and less mature. Wish her well and hope for her to learn and grow from her choices. I did. Hugs and more hugs.

Marie: I think Lori B is right on. It's not about you being in her wedding even though you feel you should be. It's about celebrating with "your friend" on HER day. I dont think you should confront her about this and I definately think you should attend the wedding. If you don't, I think you'll end up regretting it. Just my two cents...Good luck to you.