wife is NOT supportive

Any suggestions on how to win over the most important person in your life...my case, my wife...to the fact that I have made this decision and proud to go through with it. She is NOT supportive at all and constantly says, "why don't you try another diet and not spend the money on this?" or "why not take the money and pay for a nutritionist to help you?" I am hurt, upset and disappointed that the one rock I have to lean on is not there for me when I need her most. She's a registered nurse with no weight problems at all...so she just doesn't understand. My weight has affected our sex life---she said so blatantly that I am 'unattractive' to her---and is spilling over to me not wanting to open up about anything with her. Any suggestions?

I am a wife of a soon to be wls patient. My first thought for my hubby was that he didn't try hard enough to lose the weight, but then the light went on. I realized that he had finally come to the realization that he wasn't going to lose the weight and that he needed help. The more research I did the more I realized that wls is not the "easy way out", but, in some ways, even more difficult. For us it's not that he needs to lose tons of weight, he has 75 lbs to lose, but it's a matter of life expectancy. He has diabetes that is out of control and if he doesn't do something now, he won't be here to see our 4 children grow up. I got onto this website and started reading everything I could. Yesterday we visited the surgeon. That was the best thing I have done to understand this situation. The surgeon really explained why he thought my hubby is overweight, not a lack of control, but a certain hormone that causes us to overeat. If you have a good surgeon I'd take her there with you for a consult. Have her get online to read this board. Maybe she's afraid. I was feeling a bit nervous because Ihave 30 lbs to lose and I'm afraid he'll get thin and I'll still be overweight. Good luck. I hope she comes around. You really need someone to support you in whatever decision you make. jane.

She is proally insecure about herself. I know when my friend had surgery her BF was VERY upset about it... kept saying to her over and over you will lose weight and leave me or lose weight and find somebody better etc. Maybe try sitting down and asking her why she really doesnt want you to have the surgery. Maybe shes scared of something going wrong during the surgery? Or you having complications? Just have to approach her in a non-defensive way. Maybe shes feeling left out? Bring her to a support group... let her talk to other couples who had to go thru this already. Hope this helps

My husband and children are not supportive either. I'm not sure why your wife is not supportive but my family's problem is that they are just selfish. They don't have a weight problem and want things to be the way they always were. They like to go out and eat and like to eat a lot of unhealthy food. My husband has told a lot of people about my upcoming surgery and acts like he is supportive in every way, But he constantly eats trashy food in front of me. I am supposed to lose 20 pounds before the pre-surgical consult or the surgery will be canceled. I am not good at dieting or I wouldn't be in this mess. My almost 15 yr. old daughter threw a little fit this weekend because I didn't buy ice cream at the grocery. I told her that I knew that I wouldn't be able to keep away from it. She went into the "Just because you are on a diet- shouldn't mean we all have to suffer." My husband was going to go out and buy them a treat after dinner last night and was going to buy every member of the household their own half gallon of ice cream. I told him that was cruel and he didn't buy the ice cream. But my daughters baked cookies and ate them in front of me. They left the mess for me to clean up. They had fast food at 10:30 the night before that. I think they want me to fail and the surgery to be canceled. They don't care if my health is going down the toilet. I have news for my daughters - obesity runs in our family. I was very thin when I was young. They are probably not going to escape it if they eat eveything they want, when they want. I am going to have to resolve that this be my time to be selfish. I deserve to be healthy and happy with or without their help. They have really hurt me - but it has made me more determined to show them that I can do it. This website is more help to me than my family will be.

Sorry for posting so long after the last one.. but I had to chime in here... My family (parents, grandparents, siblings, you name it) have never been supportive. They talk a good game, but.. then they have 'baked goods exchange' for Xmas! Wth! So.. In my deciding to do this (yes.. I have made up my mind.. I am waiting for a date).. I have only told certain members of my family as they will be directly impacted by my having it done (I live there!). The rest of the family I talk to maybe once a week or every other week. My aim is to have this done.. recover.. and just get moving. Next family event later this year... someone's gonna get the bird if they start congratulating me on my weight loss. Do it for you... and only you... other peoples' opinions don't matter.. This is a big decision. Find someone that does support you and stick with them. YOU make the call... DON'T let othe people decide your life in this regard. And... stop on over to the men's board... you'll get a ton more feedback as the board is extremely active. Good luck!

Ken, Reasure your wife that you have chosen the safest form of WLS to date. The Band is a wonderful tool. I have a male friend who is banded and his wife was not and is not supportive , but part of the problem is caused by him. He is not eating healthy...after a busy day at work he thinks he can eat nachos ( veggies,corn,protein,cheese) and a glass or two of wine. His wife is a nutrition buff and he absolutly refuses to eat healthy....heck I'm banded and I'm ticked at him too. Make a commitment to be and eat healthy and your wife will see that you REALLY want health. My twin daughters had bypass after my banding and I sure had a hard time beibg supportive , because of my fears , we still don't know the long term issues after bypass and the ones I know about are often life threatening. Now that surgery is done there is nothing I can do to change their minds , I am finding no problem in being supportive and giving them info ( something their doc is not doing) I think they did make the right discision for them,they never would have been able to handle the band!! Best wishes , Donna 2/2/05 320 highest 276 surgery 195 now 175-185 goal