Husband against WLS..any advice?

Anyone won the battle with a skeptical spouse? My husband thinks that I am going for the "easy way out" quick fix. I can't seem to communicate how WLS is neither easy or quick...that I have struggled for years with diets and that finding the "right one and being just a little more dedicated to it" isn't going to cut it. The more I diet and fail...the more my health declines and the more my weight increases. Any advice..words of wisdom?

My husband is supportive (for now) after surgery when I start complaining who knows . I have read a few postings by people whose spouse is against it. I think mainly because they are scared. Is your hubby overweight ? I think it's the ones that haven't had any trouble with their weight that speak the loudest about "how you should lose" Some people print out info from this board and have them read it. Some print others profiles about their journeys and how they have been helped.If hubby smokes how many times has he tried to stop ? To me that's like trying to diet. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't. I have done both and it's hard. Hope this helps. Sandy

3 tips:Communicate, communicate, communicate. Bring him into the decision process, too. This is a major decision. It needs to be one you face together. Once he's brought in the loop a little more, it may help. He may think you're taking the "easy way out" because he doesn't understand the full nature of the program, of which the surgery is just one part. Tell him why - and be honest - you are having the surgery. He may fear that you WILL lose weight, and since major weight loss affects personalities and identities, he may fear he'll lose you. (People share the high divorce rate among WLS folks too freely). My wife had Lap Band almost 3 and a half months ago. We've been married just under six months She and I talked about her desire for the surgery even before we married. We have been pretty open with each other about her desired outcome and my concerns. Bear with me: 2 years ago I had reconstructive foot surgery on my right foot due to some old baseball and auto accident injuries. Did I "need" the surgery? No. I could walk around, but I did so with a fair amount of pain. Couldn't do sports, which I've done all my life. Couldn't walk for extended periods of time. I could've lived with the pain and the fact that my foot's bone structure would deteriorate over time to a point that the damage would be irreversible. Was my surgery an easy way out? Should I have not used the tools of the screws and wires that hold my foot together? Should I feel bad that the screws and wires do something I couldn't do on my "own" with my own "will-power"? No. Same is true of the weight loss program you'll be in that includes surgery. I realize the above is not apples to apples, but hopefully you get the idea - and hopefully he will, too.

Hi. Thanks for posting your thoughts to my questions about how to win my husband's support for WLS. It is so helpful to get advice from people who have gone (or are going) through this process and who can offer an unbaised opinion. Things have improved, slightly, since my question was posted. We have taken more time for each other, talking about why I want to move forward with this and why it is so hard for him to understand where I am coming from. He has always been athletic and has never struggled with any weight or food related issues. To him it's all about discipline and I should be able to succeed without something so "drastic". I was similar to him when we first met, working out at least five times a week etc. However, after I had my son I decided that I needed to leave my job to be home full time. My job required a good deal of international travel (as does my husbands) and that wasn't going to work for us. This was a mutual decision that we were both comfortable with and don't regret. Anyway, fast forward four 1/2 years and here I am....weighing more now than I did when I was 9 months pregnant (and I gained a lot when I was pregnant) My husband believes that all I need to do is find the right eating plan and start going back to the gym full time. What he fails to recognize is that I have tried this about 1 million times and each time I succeed--temporarily--and then end up miserable, putting the weight back on, plus some. I know that this is a common story, so I really appreciate that you took the time to send me your thoughts. The analogy of the foot surgery actually helps me quite a bit. I think that in addition to communicating better, I need to remind him that, ultimately, this is my decision and my hope is not that I get his approval, but his support. Again, thanks to both of you for your replies. A.C.

Just a couple more thoughts. I'm glad you're taking the time to communicate. Real communication never hurt any relationship A couple of things you said trouble me, though, and may prove to be problematic as you seek your husband's support. One is you used the term "win" relating to his support. Be careful about using terminology like that. This is not a win/lose proposition. That makes it sound adversarial. That's not what we want, and I believe you don't want it either. Persuading your partner to be part of the process is different than winning a battle. Second, you said that this was your decision. Not entirely true. Again, that's terminology that says to a spouse "I've made up my mind without your input, but I want you to give me your input/support and I want it to be exactly like I want it." Relationships at work or at home just don't work when this is in play. Let me be clear: you are not asking his permission. However, your aim should be to bring him into the decision process. If your spouse is part of the decision process, the support naturally follows. I realize these may be just mere word choices that don't necessarily reflect certain connotations. But words do convey messages - much more than we realize. I hope this helps! You and your husband are in my prayers tonight. I pray y'all are unified and walk through this together.

Your right, the more you diet the more you fail and then gain back more than you lost. There is something like a 5% chance you will keep weight off through traditional dieting and with RNY surgery, there is about an 85% success rate that you will lose your weight and keep it off. I can speak from over 3 years post op of experience........this is NOT by any means the easy way out. It takes much effort the longer term post op you get to stay with your new healthy lifestyle. I stress over and over to newbies that they MUST develop a healthy lifestyle during the first year where it becomes habit...a way of life. If you don't do that you can easily gain back some or all of your weight after what they call the "honeymoon phase" has ended. I got so use to eating healthy and living healthy that I rarely think about or even like the "bad foods" anymore. NOW sugar......different story if I allowed myself to indulge too often, I could get into trouble. I will say it is much easier for me since my surgery, but I still have to watch what I eat daily. I hope your hubby comes around but ultimately, it is YOUR decision, NOT his. I did this for me and noone else and it was the best thing I have ever done. I'm happier & healthier than I ever dreamed possible. I can run and play with my grandchildren and do so many things I could never do an obese person. Best of luck! HUGS