Need help with self pay decision
Hi all. I know that multiple people here have taken the self pay route and so I wanted to see if anyone could help me with my decision. I have hit multiple dead ends with United Healthcare, ending with the CEO of the Company denying "their ability to help due to contract restraints". Anyway enough of the hypocracy and bitterness of insurance....I now have an invaluable opportunity to have family support in being a self-pay client. Here is my question? (kind of 
) To me there is a much greater concern of the risks involved if I am asking help from my family who has so much at stake emotionally with the outcome of the surgery. To clarify that further, my family is very supportive of me and my concern is that if my family were to pay for the surgery independent of insurance and any complications were to develop, that they would feel responsible for this. Although I know that there are no guarantee and the risk level does not change with the method of pay, somehow the emotional responsibility shifts. If I am making this decision and insurance is paying for it, than it shifts any feeling of responsibility of the outcome to me and the insurance company. If my family is paying than somehow I know that should there be complications, they will take that shift on to themselves. Please don't get me wrong, my family is very grounded and emotionally stable, I just know that there would always be the question of if it was the right thing to do. Anyway, I would like to give my family as much honest information as possible to help reassure them in anyway that I can, while keeping a balance between the positive and possible negatives of electing to have this surgery. I am very close with them and would never want to put them in a position that could potentially cause them a great deal of pain, if it was only me to consider I would have no qualms, I am a peace with the procedure...good, bad and the ugly. But I have also been studying this for over a year on almost a daily basis. Any ideas as to what others have done in this situation to help prepare family and give them the assurances to the best available means to feel as at peace with the procedure as I do? Thanks for your help, you guys are great. p.s. I already suggested this website as a place of information to start with for him. God bless to all...Kathie
) To me there is a much greater concern of the risks involved if I am asking help from my family who has so much at stake emotionally with the outcome of the surgery. To clarify that further, my family is very supportive of me and my concern is that if my family were to pay for the surgery independent of insurance and any complications were to develop, that they would feel responsible for this. Although I know that there are no guarantee and the risk level does not change with the method of pay, somehow the emotional responsibility shifts. If I am making this decision and insurance is paying for it, than it shifts any feeling of responsibility of the outcome to me and the insurance company. If my family is paying than somehow I know that should there be complications, they will take that shift on to themselves. Please don't get me wrong, my family is very grounded and emotionally stable, I just know that there would always be the question of if it was the right thing to do. Anyway, I would like to give my family as much honest information as possible to help reassure them in anyway that I can, while keeping a balance between the positive and possible negatives of electing to have this surgery. I am very close with them and would never want to put them in a position that could potentially cause them a great deal of pain, if it was only me to consider I would have no qualms, I am a peace with the procedure...good, bad and the ugly. But I have also been studying this for over a year on almost a daily basis. Any ideas as to what others have done in this situation to help prepare family and give them the assurances to the best available means to feel as at peace with the procedure as I do? Thanks for your help, you guys are great. p.s. I already suggested this website as a place of information to start with for him. God bless to all...Kathie 
Hi Kathie
I read your post and wanted to send you a note of encouragment! It is amazing you are still finding ways to overcome your obsticles, and I am sure this one will be no different.
I dont pretend to understand what you may be feeling as I have not expereinced what you are dealing with. If I were to try and give you some advice I would offer the following:
1. You could take out a loan to pay for the surgery yourself, and they your family could pay your loan off for you. This way they are helping financially but not directly for the surgery?
2. Just communicate. Let them know there are risks and tell them this is something you are determined to do, and you appreciate their support and help. Talk about what you are feeling and let them know if anything were to go wrong you dont want them taking the burden on. You can even ask them if this is something they might see happen. Family already is concerned about you and will be until you are safe at home post op. Plus you dont want to focus on the what if's and possible bad outcomes. Think good thoughts and get the hard topics out in the open discuss them once and then move back to positive energy.
Hopefully someone can give you better advice after being in the same situation. I will pray for you and hope the best for you. I am interested in your journey now, as mine is just begining as well. I cant imagine having to deal with the things you are going through in additions to what I have been experiencing with just mentally preparing to have the surgery. I dont have insurance approval yet but hope to have my surgery sometime in August.
Hang in there!! - Dana
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