Fiance is against WLS surgery

My fiance is a wonderful person and one of the least superficial people I know (he's marrying me lol) but as soon as my doctor mentioned WLS surgery, he was against it.  My mom had it five years ago, and she is so happy that she did, even with the restrictions and new food intolerances.

After many fights/discussions/debates, it seems he doesn't think he will be attracted to me anymore if I lose a lot of weight.  He understands and agrees that I need to lose weight, but he only wants me to lose enough weight to be the size I was when we met, not the amount my mom lost.

I love him so much but I want to move ahead with WLS surgery, and he gets worked up any time I mention it or anything close to it.

Any suggestions on how to help him warm up to the idea?  Are there any ladies that were in the J/K cup size that had WLS?  What happened to your bust?  I think that is a lot of his concern :P

My boyfriend wasn't too crazy about the idea, either. He felt that WLS is way too drastic and that I could just lose the weight on my own. (He's never had to struggle with his weight, so he really can't understand what it's like.)

My bf's concerns were mostly about my personality changing. He's seen my weight go up and down over the last six years, and frankly, I feel that he's least attracted to me when I'm bigger.

Ultimately, you need to do what's right for YOU. You can't live your life for your fiance. It's your body, not his. You need to reach the weight YOU feel comfortable at, not the weight he wants. It is my hope that he understands that.  

Re: bust size: I haven't lost my weight through WLS yet. But it the past, when I lost about 90 pounds, I went from 46DDD to about a 36D.

How did you deal with your boyfriend's doubts?

He told me that it's my body and to do what I need to do, not base my decisions on what he wants. He knows that once I decide to do something, I'm going to do it, regardless of what other people think. And he's right!

He's been supportive so far -- helping me around the house and taking the dog out for walks when I couldn't do it. We went out to eat once so far and I only ate a little from his plate. (That's a change!) I told him to think about how much cheaper I'm going to be to take out on dates! Hahaha

I really think that our relationship will get better as I lose weight. I will be more confident and less self-conscious about my body. I think it's really tough to be with someone who is always down on themselves. He's put up with my depression all these years (which comes and goes), so I think he will love it when I'm feeling better about myself. 

So after a few more emotional discussions, he said he will love me no matter what size I am.  After another one, he said he accepts that I may need a gastric bypass at some point.

But he still is upset that I want to look into one now.  He thinks it's "giving up."  He thinks if I just try more, really eat well (go vegan?) and go on walks with him, clearly I wouldn't need surgery.  

Am I too young to do this?  Am I looking for an easy way out?  If I've been trying to lose weight off and on since I was 10, and am now 28, isn't that long enough to try the "normal" way?  My mom had WLS five years ago, in her late 50's and she is so glad she did and wishes she'd done it sooner.  Is it wrong to want to enjoy my 30s and 40s too?

I'm sorry if this post seems really negative, I'm just really frustrated.

Sorry, just saw this.

I really wish I had had my surgery when I was 28!! I'm 39 now -- so that's 11 more years of struggling. Sure, I lost weight all the time; only to gain it back again and again.

You have to do what's best for you. For me, I decided to have the surgery because I was tired of the struggle and tired of doing the same thing over and over again with no long-lasting results.

I definitely don't see the surgery as "giving up". If I "gave up", I would just keep gaining and gaining until the day I died. That's what giving up looks likes.

Good luck! BTW -- which surgery are you looking into? I highly recommend researching all types so that you make the right decision for you from the beginning. :)

I've heard the doc I would probably go with really likes the RXY and his patients, my mom included, have done well with it. Do you have any recommendations for unbiased research resources? I noticed you had the DS; why did you choose that one?

I may put actively pursuing WLS on hold to make sure its the right thing for me and my future (with my bf) but it never hurts to research your options.

So sorry! Just saw this message!

For me, the DS was the best option. It has the best long-term results, in terms of  % excess weight loss, and a superior resolution rate of comorbidities.

You have the best of both worlds: restriction since you have the same stomach as the vertical sleeve, and malabsorption since they reroute  your intestines (for example, you only absorb 20% of the fat that you eat). However, with the malabsorption, that means I will have to take lots of vitamins for the rest of my life. That's okay by me!

I can tell you that I really wish I had done this 10 or even 20 years ago! I have been struggling for so long with my weight, and it never got better. The struggle just got harder and harder the older I got.

Good luck to you! :)

Hello! I'm new in this forum and I also plan to have WLS. I wanted to reply, as I am also facing problems with my family and husband when it comes to accepting my decision. I would like to have my parents' support, but most of all I need my husband's. He also tells me he loves me the way I am, but I try to explain to him that I don't love myself at all! He finally understood, I think, but I know he'd rather I didn't have the surgery. It's very difficult when your beloved ones do not know what you're going through.I feel for you and all the other people facing the same problem. It's good we have sites like that to comfort and support each other. 

Very true.