Pre - Surgery & hubby is un-supportive

I haven't even made it to the cutting table yet and already my husband is making comments. Like " stupid surgery"
I can not even mention to him anything about weight loss, diets, food, etc. It sucks!!!! I know this is because of his insecurities. He wants me to stay fat!
I have no support structure and I'm just finding myself stressing and being more depressed as the end of my 6 month required diet is nearing.

Any advise????

Thank you in advance!

Hi, Amy, I saw your post and I just wanted you to know that you are not alone.  When I was a research therapist for a weight loss study, I heard so many stories like yours that I decided to do my doctoral dissertation to learn more about the phenomenon of  undermining of weight loss attempts by romantic partners.  There isn't much research in the literature about this.  I've been trained primarily in couples therapy, so I know the importance of this relationship to reaching all goals--especially hard to achieve goals like adopting healthy diet and exercise regimens.  You can find out more about my work by Googling me:  Amanda G. Harp, M.A. and the survey I'm developing:  Partner Undermining Behaviors-Weight Loss, PUBS-WL.  surveys.clarku.edu/Survey.aspx

hi there, sounds like your hubby is afraid that you may leave after you loose the weight.    My wife had the gastric in 2009 and has lost close to 250 to date.   I never once said it was stupid.  I was happy because she would get healthy.  I aslo said that if she changed her mind I would be by her side.   she had it and is doing awesome.   I will tell you what her weight loss doc said.  No chips.  no pop nothing with surger.  and he said that if I was a good hubby I would give it up too.  since she had the surgery we no longer have surger in the house.  Just splenda,.   Just tell him that if you have it you will live longer,  and say do you want me to die?   if he says stay fat  then I would still do it.  and if you leave him?  its his loss.  

 Yup.  regardless of his attitude, you are doing this for you.  Ultimately, it's your life you have to save.  What's his body type?  As I am sure you know, food has this tendency to be mmmm, sort of controling.  Kind of like a junkie whose partner is giving up the junk, he may fear losing somebody whose behavior enabled him to be bad too.  I dont know the particulars, but it's your life and I congratulate you on taking the steps to save it.  

I'M THANKFUL THEY MY HUSBAND IS SUPPORTIVE OF ME NO MATTER WHAT. MAYBE HE FEELS THAT HE MAY LOSE YOU DUE TO THE SURGERY OR AFTER YOU LOSE THE WEIGHT. MY HUSBAND HAS COMMENTED TO ME A FEW TIMES THAT ONCE I LOSE THE POUNDS AND GET "SEXY" THAT I WILL LEAVE HIM FOR SOMEONE ELSE AND THAT IS JUST NOT TRUE. WE HAD TO SIT DOWN AND TALK ABOUT WHY I WAS DOING THIS. I TOLD HIM THAT UNDER NO CERTAIN TERMS THAT I WAS GOING TO LEAVE HIM BECAUSE HE UNDERSTANDS ABOUT BEING OVERWEIGHT HIMSELF AND THE FACT HE KNOWS WHAT IT IS LIKE TO BE DEPRESSED AND SUCH. ALSO, I TOLD HIM THAT BECAUSE HE IS SO SUPPORTIVE OF MY CHOICE TO HAVE THE SURGERY I HAVE FALLEN EVEN MORE IN LOVE WITH HIM. HE HAS GONE TO ALL MY APPOINTMENTS WITH ME. MAYBE YOUR HUSBAND IS SCARED THAT YOU WILL DIE ON THE TABLE. MAYBE HE IS SCARED TO LOSE YOU PERIOD. SIT DOWN AND ASK HIM HOW HE FEELS ABOUT IT AND JUST LET HIM KNOW THAT YOU LOVE HIM AND THAT YOU UNDERSTAND BUT YOU WANT TO LIVE LONGER FOR HIM. DID HE GO THE APPTS WITH YOU?

Hi,

I am sure that my husband is afraid of me leaving him. He has told me so and also has had dreams about it. I remind him that I'm here and not planning on leaving. I don't think it really helps his fears. Last night was the first time we actually had a some what normal conversation about it, but he once again did remind me that people on diets, etc. fail when around him. I preceded to tell him in a joking manner that I kinda already knew that. I'm hoping that this now means that he will be a little more supportive with my surgery and weight loss goal. We shall see LOL 

My husband initially told me to do whatever made me happy. I have my surgical consult on 9/10 and get my date then. Now my husband is picking fights and being an asshole for no apparent reason. I've asked numerous times how he feels about my having the surgery and he always says the same thing - whatever makes you happy. I've asked him specifically how he feels about it and he said as long as this is what you want, I'll support you. However, it's all lip service. There are no actions to support his claim. I've just about had an assful of his attitude. Getting to this point has been difficult enough without dealing with his insecurities or whatever is going on with him. WTH?

Any suggestions would be appreciated.

I believe that spouses have a fear of this for a good reason. It is our job to make them realize that it is not your reason for the surgery and you love them. The reason I say this is because my best friend had gastric bypass and became a totally different person after she had lost a significant amount of weight. She started cheating on her husband, and eventually left him. She stayed away from her friends that she knew wouldn't approve of her new life style (myself included). Unfortunately a month after she left her husband, she was taken from us in a horrible drunk driving accident. Her new boyfriend fell asleep behind the wheel and she was thrown out of the vehicle. Their fears are valid and all we can do is reassure them that it is not going to happen and dont give them reason to believe it is. I had lap band 4 years ago but wasnt very successful. I am going to have a revision to gastric bypass, but luckily my boyfriend is so confident about himself he has no worries about that happening, that I know of. He says he don't but then he has made a comment twice about how hes gonna have to lock me in the house. But, we just laugh after he says it. He says that he just wants me to not be in so much pain anymore, and I hope he is being honest with that.