need help

Hi my wife had gastric bypass almost 2 years ago.  with her weight loss she has been more outgoing and flirty with her new body.   i have been getting very jelous when i see her flirting if we go out together at a bar. she says i need to stop, i know i need to stop, but i guess the question is how to i stop getting so jealous. i love her to death and don't want this to get worse and possibly end our marraige. 

Stop!  

She went with you out, so you know she is going home with you correct? .            

The best relationship I  had was when my bf and I would go out together and then have good times with friends at the bar, flirting with others, enjoying the company of others, but knowing, we came together, we were leaving together.    This is trust. 

Something happens to our brains with this surgery.. for so many years we felt unattractive and since we are feeling better about ourselves, we want to hear compliments and know we are sexy and desired.    By out spouses especially.    

I hope your flirting with her,  remember the passion and joy of when you met and couldn't wait to be with her?   Send her hot text msg's, flowers, call to tell her, I love you or I can't get you out of my mind today, I can't wait to come home and hold you.             Step up the romance and show her how desireable you find her.  

This is just my opinions.   Good luck and hang in there!

Hey there,   when I looked at your message I thought did I write that?   My wife had the surgery back in 2009 and I would get jelous too.    its hard but she said what another poster has said,   she goes out with me and comes home with me.   but i know where you are coming from.   when you are out with her and a guy is checking her out hold her hand or give her a kiss!!!!!

  It's tough to reprogram your own head!  The only behavior that you can control and worth controlling is your own.  You know that you have an emotional response that is more powerful than the trigger.  Hopefully you can communicate openly with your wife about this.  If you can let her be her with out being the jealous seething knuckledragger in the corner, you communicate with her that you are confident enough about yourself to let her flirt harmlessly now and then.  If you exude confidence you will feel better.  Speaking of looking better....have you done anything for you so you are more confident in your personal appearance?  If you can get a good looking shirt or a haircut that suits you, you might be able to see that she doesn't "outshine" you.
Good luck.  You have identified the problem and that's halfway to fixing it.

thank you.  for the most part i know what i need to do it's i just have such a hard time getting over the jealousy issues.  i can be fine and having a good time then i start getting jealous and it snowballs from there. i want to fix this for us and our family we have.  i want to fix this because i love her.  if i didn't love her i could easily just leave or vice versa she could leave as well.  most of what i see her doing is not flirting but i just take it so far that in my mind i say it's flirting.  thanks and if anyone else has any suggestions i would be glad to listen