Hubby now not supportive (pre-op)

If anyone can offer advise- please reply. My husband months ago- before I had any appointments told me he supported me in WLS, he even said that if I started to chicken out the day of surgery, that he would make sure I made it there.
I think he is depressed, and now he is rude, and nasty to me. He is currently throwing a tantrum like a small child. All this behavior is new- he lost his job years ago- and has been a stay at home dad to our 4 yo, but I think he is now losing his mind.
His big statement today- is that he can't believe I'd have WLS now- I'm always putting myself ahead of the family. He is planning/hoping to go to school in the fall- he thinks my surgery will mess this up.

I've already had 2 appointments, paid 250/ of 500$ for the program. My support system is now gone- my parents will never support me on this. They think I just need willpower! Both with just a few lbs on over the years- they have NO idea. Since I'm the only one working- I am hard pressed to explain risking my life for this- I'm confused. Any advise- I'll be grateful

Oh- great timing- our 20th anniversary is weeks away- he is now refusing to go on the trip we planned-I'm so heart broken.

 

    I'm sorry to hear your you are going thrue this. Have you tried to sit down and talk to him maybe he's getting scared of the what if's.

Congradulations on the 20 year anniversary I rily hope you can take your trip you have been planning.

   When I started this journey my husband has always been my support but my sister and parents were against it the whole way even the day I left to the hospital they told me not to do it and sure I was worried and scared and so were my husband and children but I knew I had to do it for my self and it has been the best thing I have done for myself and my family. 

Hang in their and if you need support we are all here for you.

if you need someone to talk to you can add me as a friend.

Don't let him take this away from you... You deserve to be healthy and happy, don't let anyone take it from you... you will be stronger not only mentally but physically and you deserve it.

I am so sorry for your struggle and hope your situation has changed in the past few weeks.  My husband is my support as well. I would be emotionally crushed if that support were withdrawn, but I would have to understand why.

I hope you have spoken with your husband since your post, but if not, I encourage you to do so.  Think of yourself in His situation. If it were You in his place, what words would encourage you to open up?  It sounds as if he is afraid, so the question is: Afraid of what?   In Your own words:" I am hard pressed to explain risking my life for this- I'm confused"  My husband some times appears irritated when he is afraid of what could happen to me or to the  "US" we have built.   If you are "hard pressed" to explain why you are having the surgery,  how could He understand why you would proceed? 

IMHO,  I don't believe resolution of this situation will come from focusing on how You "Deserve" this surgery, perhaps instead by focusing on mutual respect and understanding.  I dont think you'd have made it these twenty years without it.

Best of luck in your marriage and your journey -  God Bless.

I just made almost this very same post in another forum!  My husband has been super supportive the entire time.  Now I am just about 6 weeks away from my surgery and he is all of a sudden backtracking and negative.  And like you, he honestly is my only support other than these forums.  So, from the advice side I'm not much help but if you ever need to talk to someone sympathetic just let me know!

Hey,
Thanks for the response! He has came around now, thankfully. I wanted to tell you that he was really stressed "overall". Stressed about alot of things- so we have talked alot about it since then.
I hope your hubby will get over it too. I imagine, like us, he is your best friend. Since we don't have alot of family, we are close. We don't have anyone else!

Your surgery is SOON! How do you feel? I think about it alot of the time- mostly worried thoughts. Sometimes I try to imagine myself skinny and hot! LOL. Maybe we need to support each other!
I'm in Cincinnati, and am thinking my surgery will be june? They will submit to insurance after my last appt April6 (dietian). I suppost to me on a 3 mo supervised wt loss, and I gained weight! DRATS. I'm not having last suppers! I have been walking, eating more fruit, gave up soda, taking vitamins- and gained weight. I guess I need this!

I hope your hubby comes around soon- he's likely scared, mine said he did not know much about it. My friend had it done- and she has done well.  We seem to have alot of medical drama here- and would not want any more!!!! (complications)

Hi Tonya...

I almost wanted to cry when I read your post. I have many similarities to your post. My husband is a disabled veteran and has been the "at-home" parent for many years. Our children are 10 & 15 so don't require a lot of hands on attention as they did when they were toddlers. I have been obese pretty much all of my adult life. We have been together 17 years and I was about 240 when we were married so this didn't just happen overnight. He is a wonderful man and has always been supportive and loving with me. I started seeing a DR a few months ago as I was considering surgery in some form which my hubby was encouraging me to do. I have jumped through all the hoops necessary to get authorization - mt DR has had me doing hCG which in 5 weeks I am down 22# and in my final week. Now...my husband doesn't want me to have surgery-after all this! We did a program called Body For Life about 5 years ago and were successful together and he wants us to do that again but as a life change...which I am fine with. I guess it's been the very nasty behavior and negative attitude I have the biggest problem with. I have been completely faithful to my current program and have had the results to show for it. Meanwhile...he is eating crap all the time but says until I'm ready to change he's waiting for me...talk about pressure! He has been very distant and cold and I think somewhat insecure as I have been making progress and feeling positive about myself and really committed.

I have been in prayer about the direction to take and desperately want to have a healthy life together. We have a trip planned also in late May so I'm hoping after having a month down on BFL we will be more in sync. The hotel we are staying at has a fitness center and we are driving so will be taking meals with us.

He is hands down MY BEST FRIEND and I LOVE him so much - just want to be the woman he wants me to be and I know I can be!  He only wants great things for us as we get older, I'm 47 and he's 40. We both want to travel and do adventurous things as a couple. I need to get my emotions in check and keep my eye on the prize!
I will be praying for you and your situation. My best advice is to share your fears and concerns with him because he probably is having some of his own as well. It will probably bring you closer.