I told my BFF about seriously considering weight loss surgery and her response offended me.

 Last night we were texting each other since we both couldn't sleep.  I decided to tell her that I was seriously considering WLS and which kind.  She sent me a text telling me to think things through.  I told her that I have thought them through and this has been a decision I was thinking about for a few years every since my old doctor suggested it to me.  She already knew this but maybe she thought I forgot about it.  So when we were talking she asked me to take care of myself.  I felt the gloom in her words but I told her I have done tons of research and I think this is the best decision for me and I needed her support.

Later on she texted me asking me did I want to do this because I wanted to be a size 0 because if so she thinks this is unnecessary.  That is when I got offended.  First off if she knew anything about me I don't care to be a size 0 at all.  Second she knows I've been unhappy about my weight for as long as she has known me (9 years) and even longer than that.  She knows most of my 23 years I have been obese and morbidly obese.  She is acting like I am already a normal weight but I just want to be extra skinny.  I am freakin' 5'2, I shouldn't weight 300+ pounds.  She knows that my mom has high blood pressure and it runs in my family.  Just about every one even the thinner members have it.  Either that or diabetes and/or high blood pressure.  We all know that weight can make your blood pressure worse over time.  Lastly she knows I always look throughly into things I am about to do.  To the point where she calls me the research queen because I over-analyze and research everything.  So why wouldn't I do that for something this big?  I don't like being treated like an invalid because I am not.  

I told her because I know she would keep it a secret.  My mom already knows that I am considering this and has told probably half of my family so I want to keep it a secret from her so everyone doesn't find out my business before I am ready to tell them.  Her and my dad support me and they know I am smart enough to make these kinds of decisions.  I just wanted to tell my closest friend and it feels like I didn't make the right decision at the moment.

/Rant over.  I just needed to vent mostly but I appreciate advice as well.

Isn't it funny how peoples reactions - those we are most comfortable with - can throw us for a loop?  I truly know how you feel.  I got the same reaction from my husband and best friend.  I will tell you too that neither came to the hospital with me, during my stay and after I was released.  Yes, it is painful, but I would not do it any other way.  They are not in my life ...and it would have happened had I had the surgery or not.   

I'm saying this to say:  do the surgery for YOU ----know that you will not get the support and feedback that you'd like but remember why you are doing it....

If you would like to chat - I'm here.  My first year was moments of pain, joy, saddness - up and down...But it has been well worth it....

Stay postive and stay focused, okay?

Cpcampbell

Highest Weight = 206 lbs.
Surgery Weight = 185.6 lbs.
Current Weight = 122 lbs.
Goal Weight = 130 lbs. (5'1")

I went to a weightloss seminar a couple of weeks ago, and what the doctor says is that there are going to be jealous friends and family who don't want the surgery to happen also they will look at you like their competition. I am finding out to be so true, my husband deep down doesn't want me to have the surgery because he knows that the self-esteem will fly thru the roof. Just don't listen to her, if she really is a true friend she will be with you every step of the way.

Hang in there and don't let whatever anyone tells you get in the way, remember you are doing this for yourself and for your health.

God Bless,

Pam

I had a similar problem my best friend is my aunt so she has known me all of my life and I discussed it with her and she was so angry and told me no she would not support me and not to do it, so I just don't talk to her about it and when my surgery date comes she still will not know what I'm doing.  I have no room for negativity in my life I have been overweight for 20 years and I almost cried when she wouldn't support me, but you know what I'm kinda glad I'm not telling her anything.  We still speak just nt about what I am going to do.  I am 5/5 and also 300 ibs and my sister is 120 and 5/7 and my sister wants me to stay fat so that she can still tell people that i am her "big" little sister (that hurts), I am glad I have you guys in my corner.  So I'm erasing all negativity from my life and I suggest you do the same--Good Luck!!!!!!!!

I'm sorry your friend hasn't been the support you expected. I've also been overweight/obese all of my life @ 5'2" and 314 lbs I knew it was the right choice for me. I had surgery roux-en-y on 8/26/09, I'm happy to say I'm down to 243...It's only been 2 months and I still have a long way to go, but I can say that I feel so much better already. All of my ##'s have improved and I have so much more energy.

I did tell my family and friends way ahead of time and everyone was very supportive and that's what helped me get through it and do all I had to do ahead of time. There was a lot to do, including, losing wieght on my own before hand (that was the hardest part).  I am very happy I made the leap...don't get me wrong, I had my doubts for the first 2 weeks after surgery (I wanted all my bad foods), but then I got over it....it took me a good month to forget about my old eating habits, but girl, it was well worth it. I'm so much happier.

I have not had any dumping but I have been extremely constipated (LOL)...that has been my only problem. I do suggest removing your gall bladder at the same time...but all in all your hospital of choice should have a support group and all of us here at obesity help are willing to be your supprt...good luck with all, I'll be rooting for you!!!

I am sorry to hear that one of the people you most expected to be able to share this with seems so oblivious to who you are.  I think even if she didn't agree with your decision you would feel better than to have her question your motives.  Your BFF's response might be a way of letting you know it's time to re-evaluate that relationship.  You may have outgrown it (no pun intended). 

I have realized that this surgery changes more than just your waistline, it is a major life change.  Remember what your reasons are for having this surgery because you'll have to recite it to a lot of people when they start asking you why you're doing it.  But I would take some time to sit down with my friend and have a long talk about who you are and who you thought she was...

I am only beginning my journey and am still in the pre-op stages.  I decided  to share with a few close friends what I have decided to do....I also was shocked to see how some reacted to my news.  I am extremely excited and looking forward to  re-gaining my life and body.  My family is extremely supportive of the choice I have made, especially due to my health issues.  I have had a few small strokes (TIA's), hypertension, high cholestorel and high blood pressure.  I decided to take advantage of the time before surgery to shrink my circle of friends to those that will be supportive.  Maybe that means I am being selfish but I also feel it is about time to think of me first, my needs and my health.  It is easy for others to think that WLS is taking the easy way out but until you are in my shoes, don;t judge me.  I am 42 years old and I am on over 10 pills a day for health reasons, however I am lucky enough to be able to have a pretty good life in general.  For me WLS is about getting off the meds, getting a second chance to take better care of myself and have more time to spend with those important people in my life. 


I feel that if people aren't going to be supportive then I probably need to weed them out now before I really do need the support.  I don;t want to be surrounded by negativity or sabotagers. So for me, I am cleaning out my life in general of all my bad habits, thoughts and relationships that will not help me to succeed in my new journey.

 I am sorry for replying to this so late.  Thank you for all your responses.  We are sorting things out.  If she doesn't like it, then oh well.

I hear ya.  Wow.  What a blow to hear that from a friend.

I'm wondering who to tell and if to tell.  My inclination is to be above board with surgery, without shouting it with a bullhorn.  But I have already encountered some frowny faces when I mentioned it.  Sheesh.  I am ecstatic about this and don't want my bubble bursted by negativity.

Good luck to you.

I decided to tell as little people as possible.
I told my parents and brother and sister and about a handful of friends. No aunts or cousins, uncles or grandparents. No one at work.
I don't think it's any of their business. And I certainly don't want to be the topic of gossip.
The reactions I got were pretty much how I expected each person to react.
My family are so proud of me, and my mom is upset, cause I've lost 11 kg in 2 weeks, while it took her a year to loose 9 kg.
But she's not mean about it.
And my boyfriend, didn;t rwact so well. He didn;t think I needed to do it. But then I told him to either support me or we break up, and he's been supportive since. He's over almost every night to "take care of me".
Some of my friends were super supportive and nothing but positive things to say.
And another friend was a bit hesitant. I knew she would react exactly how she did. Hesitant in a jealous but I'm not gna show u I'm jealous way. And when I see her, she doesn't tell me if I look like I lost wieght like every one else does. But this is good. We just can;t seem to stop being friends no matter howhard we try. We're stuck with each other. But now maybe she won't talk in that slight condecending way she usually does with me.
The point is, I was very careful with who to tell. One of the reasons was cause I didn;t want anyone contaminating my decision. I had enough ppl supporting me.
I told about 10 people, and let me tell you, the 4 days in the hospital, There was always ppl by my side.