Relationship with Spouse

Just out of curiosity, is there anyone on this board that decided to leave there husband after they lost all the weight because of how mentally abused they were before the surgery? I don't have my surgery date yet, infact I am still in the beginning stages. But I have endured several years of verbal abuse and it got worst after my husband had his open heart surgery I keep telling myself that I want to leave him (divorce) because everything that I have endured with him. Am I wrong for feeling like this.

Sicerely,

Pam

I am so sorry you are dealing with all of this. I haven't left my marriage, but someone on another board said this surgery makes good marriages better, and bad marriages worse. One thing I have noticed is that my self-esteem has gone way through the roof compared to where it was. So once I started feeling that way I wanted to be healthier in every area, including rethinking certain relationships (mother, father, a few friends). Pretty much people I had let walk all over me before, I am no longer permitting them to do so. It's amazing how different it is once you stop making excuses for people because you view your obesity as a negative trait about yourself. I am still overweight of course, but the shame is leaving quickly.

I think it is so great that you are already imagining what your life will be like!

Hi Holli,

Boy, do I identify with you.  Since my surgery there has been so many changes - some felt good and some didn't but I do know that in the long run that the changes are for the better - overall. 

Some people are no longer in my life - and that was difficult however, my desire to be healthy in ALL areas forces me to make the decision - and it hurts sometimes.  My 11 yr marriage is over - it was bad before the surgery and it got worse afterwards.  So I know what you mean.  My best friend of over 11 years is no longer in my life.  In fact, neither (husband or best friend) came to the hospital before, during or after ---- enough said, right?

How's things going for you?

Cpcampbell

Highest Weight = 206 lbs.
Surgery Weight = 185.6 lbs.
Current Weight = 122 lbs.
Goal Weight = 130 lbs. (5'1")

Hello Pam,

There is no coincident as I've been surfing the board for this very reason.  After 11 years of marriage, infidelity, verbal/mental and at times physical abuse, I've ended my marriage.  I feel SO lost.....

When I really reflect, I"ve really been alone the entire time we've been married.  Every major decision or task that I needed support, help, etc.  I was alone.  --this includes WLS surgery as well.  I went to the hospital alone and came home alone.   

I've also asked myself did I do enough?  Am I wrong with how I feel, etc....All I know is that I don't love my husband - at least I know I"m not in love.  We have a 5 year old together and at this point that is the only thing we have together...Make sense?

I would love to hear from you and see how you're doing.  Did you have surgery yet?

Cpcampbell

Highest Weight = 206 lbs.
Surgery Weight = 185.6 lbs.
Current Weight = 122 lbs.
Goal Weight = 130 lbs. (5'1")

'    

I haven't had my surgery yet, I am barely in the stages of seing the surgeon on October 6th. I have pretty much made up my mind that I want to get out of the marriage, it is not so I can date or see other men but to get away from the abuse that I have endeared for the last 20 years. I only stay in the marriage for my kids which has damaged them more than help them.

At this time I have a very low self-esteem just because of all the emotional,verbal and mental abuse that I have had to deal with, I know I will need to get months of psychological help, but I know I can get back to being the person that I used to be before I got married.

I am lucky that I do have my sister I can turn for support when I do get this surgery. She had gastric bypass back in 2002 and is still doing good. I just can't wait till the day that I get this surgery. I feel that I have nothing to lose except for high blood pressure, my weight and my
low self-esteem.

Take care

Pam

Continue to do the work you need to do for you and your self esteem will skyrocket....HOLD ON and BE READY!  Just be patient with yourself and take your time.  This is YOUR time....Enjoy the journey.  

Are you excited about seeing your surgeon?  You have so much to look forward to - Everyday, I'm amazed at how much better I look and feel, not to mention the energy I now have.  I play with my son more now.  

Cpcampbell

Highest Weight = 206 lbs.
Surgery Weight = 185.6 lbs.
Current Weight = 122 lbs.
Goal Weight = 130 lbs. (5'1")

I am so excited to see my surgeon. I wish he had a consutation sooner but he is a busy man. I am a little nervous about the insurance approval, but from I understand United Healthcare is pretty good about approving for the gastric bypass. I want to make sure I have everything done before I see him so it would be a faster process. Want to get this done before the end of the year. By next year I hope to be able to wear my daughter's clothes.

Pam