new here, expectations?

I am planning on having an RnY, probably late this summer.  My biggest concern is if I get positive attention from men, how do I deal with it?  I have been fat for so long that I have forgotten what it is like and I am afraid I might like it too much.  I am married,20 yrs, and am really having to try hard to interpret my husband's love for me.  I hope, hope, hope that with weight loss he will be more interested in me, but what if he isn't?   This is not the only reason for the surgery, health and easier activity, fitting on a roller coaster and running with my kids and not embarrassing them and hubby and myself on the beach or pool are some more reasons.  What if it is "just the way he is", which is what he says now to why he doesn't want to touch me.  If other men are more interested in me when I am thin than he is, will I be faithful to my husband?  I know you can't answer this for me, but I wonder if any of you have had similar worries. 

I was just peeking in and saw your question.  Only you can answer how you will relate to men.  Many marriages do not survive WLS because the spouse does not know how to react to the newer, streamlined EMPOWERED spouse.  The thing is to keep the lines of communication open.  If he isn't interested in the new you - then you will have a bridge to cross.  Remember that your support group is very very important.  I would start attending a local WLS support group NOW, while you are preparing for your surgery.  Develop real life relationships - get a surgery angel who has already been there and back.  They can be of immeasurable assistance to you as you deal with your issues.

You can do this - and many will be supportive of you and those are the people you should be cultivating as you begin your new, exciting journey!   Good luck to you!. 

Hi,
I was just browsing other forums, when I saw your post.  This is an interesting scenario.  First of all know that many relationships do not survive WLS.  With this being said, do not set your marriage up for failure.  Strong marriages pre-op are strong post-op. 

I think that it is completely normal to have "feelings" after your WLS.  I did.  Mine were all in my thoughts.  Although I never wanted to be with anyone else, I did have thoughts on how things would have been different if I was thin all those years ago.  Did I settle?  Could I have had more?  The thoughts are normal.  One day in conversation I told my husband my thoughts, being very choosy how I chose my words.  He understood.

After my WLS he was more attentive to my every move.  He watched everyone watch me.  You do get attention from men and women alike.  He was openly affectionate in public, slapping my butt, or kissing me.  I think this was his way of letting people know that I was his.

The attention is nice, and something that your quickly want!  What I did not like was everyone thought they could touch me.  DON"T!  I found my self trying to stand behind my husband, to prevent this. 

I have to say that I had and still have a wonderful marriage.  He loved me at 355 lbs and he loved me at 181 and now he loves me at 202 and 25 weeks pregnant. 

I wish you luck with your WLS and your marriage.

But just remember, just because you have desires/feelings, does not mean you have to act on them.

 

Take care,

Mary