I have a great family that really does care about me and mean well, BUT...

I don't want to bore you with the soap opera of me, but it might help you to understand where I'm coming from. My father is morbidly obese. My mother was as well until she lost the weight during an extended battle with cancer. They have seen me follow a multitude of diets and exercise programs over the past 20 + years. During anyone of those times there have been comments made by them about how I'm being obsessive etc. by following my programs.

The other complication is a bit more 'Jerry Springer' ... my brother is married to a great lady, however previous to their wedding a little over a year ago I dated her brother for 8 years before that. The loss of that relationship remains a very painful one for me. He never had a weight problem and his suggestion over the years was simply go to the gym. (why hadn't I thought of that!) As that relationship ended, we haven't spoken. The enmeshment of our families has been a tough issue for me as my family doesn't acknowledge it as a problem for me.

After a lifetime of struggling with my weight I've decided to have gastric bypass surgery. I have fulfilled all the requirements of my surgeon and my insurance company.

I'm wondering if honesty is really the best policy for me. I've decided not to tell my coworkers what I'm doing. I'm very blessed to have a few close friends who have supported me through this process, I'm just not sure that I can count on the support that I really need from my family.

Am I a terrible person for wanting my privacy in doing this (sanity intact)?

I am new to all this, haven't nad surgery yet either, and I have some similar worries but different situations.  I , at the moment , am not going to tell my father about having the surgery.  He was obsessed with my weight all my life.  He has let up since I've been married, 20 years, but still "worries" for me.  Now there is more to worry about, my weight is catching up with me,  I don't want his encouragemant, it's very annoying, strange, I know. I am not having the surgery to please him it's for me.  He will eventually find out and I will have to figure out how to deal with it.  I think we must do what we need to do to take care of ourselves and if people don't like it , oh well, water off a ducks back, ideally, but difficult to do.  Moving away from my family, when I got married was the best thing I ever did, very hard change, but a good "break" from all their drama. 
I hope you (and me too) will be strong and patient with our families, they don't need to know everything, you are an adult, but their interest comes from their "love" as they can express it. 

I am five years post-op.  You are not a terrible person for wanting your privacy, and if you can have it, go for it.  I told everyone what I was doing.  Made things simpler, like why was a using a teeny-tiny spoon and a one ounce cup to eat my 4 to 5 small meals a day?  Why did I leave work for two weeks and come back 20 pounds lighter?  They were marvelously supportive, but then, I worked at that time for a small firm.

Your family may or may not be supportive.  However - my advice to all patients, both pre-op and post-op, has been to get involved in a local support group, sooner the better.  As with any group, some of them will be to your liking, some will not, but they will all know what you are going through.  Some come and talk a lot, some come and just absorb information - but you will never leave not learning something you need to know.  You might even make some wonderful new friendships.

I've been a surgery angel for the past 4 years and in doing so, have made some wonderful friendships.

Good luck!

Hi Shiny!

I'm going through the same thing right now. I've told my immediate family, but for most of them it's like they don't really want to say "don't do it" so they just say nothing. They just don't want to talk about it at all one way or another. On the other hand, I have one aunt who calls pretty much every day to tell me something like "why don't you just not drink soda anymore" or "if you would just start walking an hour every day you wouldn't need the surgery". Her latest argument was that "you'll have to shell out a ton of money to get rid of all of that excess skin". Even though I understand that she means well in her own way, it's just not helpful or supportive to me at all. It's hurtful. 

It seems to me that if we have the strength to do what's right for ourselves then we should stick to our plan. Only we know our own situations and only we can really know what's right for us in our hearts.

I totally agree - I wish that I had kept my decision to myself. I can support myself better without having to field the onslaught from my aunt. But if you do decide to tell your family, just be prepared that they might not be supportive of your decision. Keep reminding yourself why you've made this decision. Then, once they see how much healthier and happier you are, hopefully they will come around.

Congrats on your decision either way! You know you can always find support here. Feel free to contact me any time at [email protected] if you need to talk (I don't check up on these boards a lot)