Negative Reaction

I hope I'm posting this in the right spot!

Last night I asked my BF to attend an informational session with me.  I was very hesitant about doing this because his reaction was negative when I briefly brought it up in the past.  I don't keep secrets from him, he is my best friend, and I wanted to be open about my inquiries regarding bariatric surgery.  His response was very very negative and led to an ugly argument.  In a nutshell, he thinks I am insane for even considering surgery.  He doesn't think its necessary and nor have I exhausted all of my options.  I don't agree with this at all and became resentful at his accusations of not trying hard enough or not being willing to look into other options.  I've been overweight for 30 years and have tried just about everything--like many of you have.  We ended the conversation peacefully and apologizing to one another but he still isn't supportive of the idea at all.

Has anyone ever dealt with this when it came to discussing this with a significant other, spouse, family member, etc?  How did you handle it?  Were you able to get them to support you? 

I have not and will not give up the idea of surgery but I very much want his support in this. Any advice?

Many people are negative because they don't have all fo the facts. How long have you been with him?  Has he been supportive in your attempts?  My ex husband didn't want me to get the surgery because he likes large women.  Show your bf the facts ie good points of having the surgery, more energy, better health, and explain that it is something very important to you and that having his support means a great deal to you.  Also stand your ground :ie meaning that you have to do what you feel is best for you.

I'm sorry that your attempts to seek support by your best friend did no go as planned.  I agree with the previous post...it is due to lack of information/education about WLS and the effects of obesity on your life.  I'm sure that his negativity comes from a place of love and concern for you.  You've offered to educate him by attending a session but maybe he is uncomfortable going to a public session and does not know how to tell you.  

I just finished reading An Experts Guide to WLS by Dr. Garth Davis.  I found it to be a great book full of information about obesity in general, types of WLS, the emotional journey of WLS, what to expect pre-op, post-op, the importance of support, etc, etc, etc.  I've asked my husband and a close friend to read it (or parts of it at least).  He emphasizes the importance of support whether it come from a friends, family, your doctor, the internet, meetings with others who have had WLS.  I found it at the library.  Maybe you can get a copy.  Read it - I think you will find it helpful.  Then share it with him.  Maybe he will be more apt to learn about WLS in a private setting.

If you cannot find support from him, you can find it here and when you see your surgeon he/she will have support groups/meetings that you can join.

However, I'm certain that once he understands why you are doing this and sees the positive changes in you he will be a positive force in your life.

I am still very early in this journey and have only told a few people.  I'm very scared of opening the door to nay-sayers.  I've already heard the beginnings of negativity from one person I shared this with.  All I can do is educate myself with all of the information I can regarding WLS.  I know what is best for me.  As do you for yourself!  I can't change other's feelings nor do I want to.  Those people have never walked a day in my shoes and have never been classified as obese.  

Don't give up on the idea of surgery.  If you have not already, attend an informaional session and set up a consultation with a surgeon.  I've found that my life has changes already just by meeting with a surgeon.  I feel like a kid on Christmas morning - full of excitement!

Good luck!

Karen

 

My husband and I had many knock-down verbal fights about my WLS.  I finally told him that while I understood his position (he was afraid I would die from the surgery), I had to do this.  That I felt I was dying a little bit every day.  I had to resign myself to the fact that he did not support my decision to have surgery, but would support me when push came to shove.  I had to know that no matter what he would be there for me, even if he was very unhappy with what I was doing.

6 months later, i have gone from a size 22 to a size 8, 242 lbs to 157.  And I am still going.  He doesn't say anything about my weight loss, not much anyway, but he never said anything about me being really fat either.

You have to do what you believe is best for you, and know that the people that have always supported you will support you going forward, even if they don't support your decisions.

Good luck!

Ellen

hello, sorry to hear you are struggling....my BF had the same opinion....it was unneccessary..he loves me for who I am....I explained that why I loved him....in the end I explained that this was a choice I HAD to make for MYSELF....even though it would impact him and my daughter, this was about ME!  Something I had to do.....fast forward one year...July 1st was my one year....I have lost 160 pounds....he loved me at 337....he loves me at 175......so my advice to you is advocate for YOURSELF!!   Many people may not understand your decision, but I chose to ask people to respect MY decision... End of topic.....I have no regrets, I have my life back.  I sat back for so long watching life go by....now I am MAINSTREAM...living life!   I enjoy dressing up and he enjoys seeing me feel great about myself....Please research and make your decision for you!  I wish you lots of success on your journey......take care....

Cindy