I don't know what to do about this situation!

Soooo I have this best friend that I've known forever. But now that I'm getting lap band in a few months, she told me she's not going to be friends with me anymore. Like flat out told me. And its really disheartening. I don't know what I can say to her. Like I wanna update her on my progress because it's a big part of my life, and I want to share that with someone, but she won't have it. A lot of people are supporting me with my decision, but she isn't, and her opinion weighs really heavily with me.

So I don't know what to do. She means a lot to me, and I don't understand how this type of thing could come between us like that. I want to surround myself with people that are happy for me, but that doesn't work when the person you spend most of your time with hates you for it.
 

 hummmmm.

Kerri<3

I'm so sorry...that must be horrible. Sadly many of us (WLS patients) lose close friends after having surgery. It is too hard for them to deal with all of the changes I'm assuming.

You have to do what is best for you, though. Hopefully she will come around. If she doesn't, then you'll need to surround yourself with people who do support you. You will grieve for your friend, but it will get easier each day.

big hugs,

Felicia

It is pretty bad, but yeah I guess everything gets better with time. It's just like, I wish I knew she'd do this to me from the beginning so I would be able to not put so much trust in her to help me through things like this.

Thanks <3
Kerri

That is just terrible. You might need to consider what kind of person could be a conditional friend? Perhaps she isn't the friend you thought she was, and obviously not the friend you need her to be now.  It's a big change in your life and a best friend should be there to help you through it.
I could never do that to anyone....people never cease to amaze me!
You're in my thoughts and prayers.

Yeah, well at least someone thinks it sounds as crazy as I do. I guess I could understand where she's coming from, but I mean sometimes you have to put things aside for the people you love (or "love" haha) in order to support them.

Thank youuuu!
Kerri<3

Maybe its not so much she's not a good friend.. maybe she's afraid for you and her way to deal with it is to pull back... I would talk to her and find out why she feels this way?  If she's overweight maybe her fear is when you loose weight you will forget about her? Maybe she's afraid something bad will happen? It could be anything...  talk to her find out whats really going on...

Debby

Well that's what I was thinking. She did try to get WLS but she didn't qualify - she's overweight, but not that bad yknow? I honestly think a lot of our friendship is based on the fact that we're both overweight and that's what we connect over, which is sad. If i thought about it and I was in her shoes, I'd probably be really jealous of her. So I guess I understand where she's coming from, and at least she's being honest about it.

Buttttt instead of being open about it and telling her that I'd still be around after I got it, and explaining to her that I'm not doing it just to not be fat anymore but because of all the obesity-caused problems I have, she just won't listen. And every time I bring it up she says something like, "Oh, you're just bringing that up to rub it in my face." I can't not talk about some huge event in my life when it's all I think about. And it's not like I'm getting liposuction where I'm going to automatically be skinny, it takes work, and I want people around who understand that and are willing to stick by me through it.

Thanks
Kerri<3

I agree!  Very insightful post!  Are you single?  Wanna hook up?  I own a motorcycle! 

 

I am not into mini bikes.... also you need to change your picture.. and that's all I am saying...

Hi Kerri,
Maybe if you figure this one out you can help me!! My best friend had the Band early in April this year. A month later, I had RNY. We were both going to have the band but because I had a fatty liver, kidneys throwing protein, diabetes, high blood pressure etc...I took my surgeons advice and did RNY. It has been the cause of so many fights. I am so sad about this. I get the, "you just want to be skinny, you just want attention, you don't understand how I feel". She feels betrayed and I just wanted to change my life quickly. I didn't want to die from liver failure or have to get on dialysis! I know it's hard to hear the praise of all our coworkers and constantly hear others tell me how wonderful I look. I have lost 54 pounds in less than 3 months and she has lost about 25. I try to support her in every way. Hopefully it will work out better for you. I love my friend very much and I wish I was not hurting her but I want her to understand I'm saving myself and nothing has to change between us. She says now she is the fat one and I'm skinny...lol, I told her 220 pounds is not skinny but she just gets angry. She still feels I betrayed our friendship by changing surgeries. I hope things get better for you. Don't give up, she's just scared.    Connie